


Return To Me

by FenZev



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Rough Sex, Sexual Content, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-15
Updated: 2013-04-06
Packaged: 2017-11-07 07:06:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 60,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/428273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FenZev/pseuds/FenZev
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They shared one night together in the Circle Tower. Fate reunited them in Amaranthine, and eventually destiny led them to Kirkwall. F!Amell/Anders with a touch of Alistair</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Tower

_**Author's note: Nearly a year later, this story has been edited and polished by the amazing Wintryone; thank you friend.** _

* * *

She watched from behind the crate as the Templars brought him in. His blond hair was a mess, his robes tattered and torn, his face filthy and revealing an expression of defeat. A Templar on each side held fast to his arms, while his feet dragged behind him along the floor, as if he didn't have the strength to walk himself. They took him toward the basement, where she knew the cells were, and she watched until the two large doors closed and blocked them from her sight.

Sighing, she stood up and turned toward the hall, when out of nowhere, a robed man suddenly towered over her. "What is it you're doing young apprentice?"

She staggered slightly backwards. "Nothing First Enchanter. I'm sorry, Sir. I…"

"Wanted to see the fugitive?" he asked her.

"Yes," she said quietly, lowering her head in shame.

"Let's get you back to your room," he said with a sigh, as he took her hand.

They walked down the hall soundlessly. She knew she was in trouble, and she feared what would come next. The minutes ticked by, and still he said nothing - his silence was torturous.

She had spent years with this man, learning from him, training with him, and as silly as it sounded in her head, he was like a father to her. She had been torn from her family at a very young age, only days after she had shown her first signs of magic, and brought here, to the Circle Tower of Lake Calenhad. She remembered little of her real father now that she was older, but the graying man beside her had long ago replaced him in her heart.

First Enchanter Irving was guardian to all of the mages, but he'd always shown a special interest in Elaine Amell. She was the last apprentice he'd taken under his wing fifteen years ago, and had been her mentor throughout her life in the Circle. He was always kind to her, yet stern in his discipline. Now that she'd been caught breaking the rules again, she felt the disappointment radiating from him.

When they entered her room, she sat on her bed, while Irving retrieved the chair from her desk. He placed it before her and sat down. "Elaine, haven't we talked about the way you sneak around the Tower just last week?"

"I'm sorry First Enchanter. I know it was wrong." She did her best to sound contrite.

He sighed. "And yet you did it anyway, so close to your Harrowing. Had the Templars spotted you sneaking around, they may have suspected something more heinous, and this would be a very different conversation."

Elaine laid back on her bed. "Don't you ever get bored? Stuck in this Tower, unable to go outside even to stick your feet in the lake? The recapture of that fugitive was the most exciting thing that's happened since someone stole all the underclothes from the laundry."

The First Enchanter chuckled at her explanation, knowing he never could remain upset with her for long. Irving had helped raise the young woman before him, and thought fondly of her. Keeping her out of trouble had become a tiresome chore, even though he did enjoy her curiosity. Elaine reminded him of himself, in much much earlier years.

Now, however, it was his duty to make her understand just how risky her actions had become. "Until you prove yourself tomorrow child, you need to lay low and stay under the Templar's radar. I know you're friends with some of them, but they still have a job to do, and they will do it above all else."

Elaine rolled onto her side to look at him. "Can you tell me about him? The fugitive?"

"Will it keep you in this room tonight?" he asked, hoping that satisfying at least some of her curiosity would gain her cooperation.

She sat up and nodded in agreement, excited to hear his story.

The First Enchanter smiled at her enthusiasm for the dramatic, and sat back in his chair while running his hand through his bushy gray beard. "His name is Anders. He is very much like you, when I think about it. Easy tempered, quite humorous. He's been with us awhile, and like yourself, was raised here in the Tower. A bit reckless too, acts before thinking things through. I may have lost count, but I think this was his sixth attempt to escape."

"Why does he keep running away?" Elaine asked.

"Oh, I don't know," the old man said. "Perhaps he too is bored. But as you see he is always found."

Elaine avoided his gaze. "Are they going to punish him?"

He nodded. "I believe for this attempt he'll be placed in solitary confinement, as they cannot seem to trust him with any freedoms at all."

She let out a sigh of relief. "I was afraid they'd make him Tranquil."

"Why would you think that?"

Elaine studied his eyes, searching for truth in their brown depths. "Isn't that what they do with the bad mages?"

"Not at all," he said sternly. "Tranquility is not a form of punishment. Where did you hear this?"

"No one will tell us about it," she said simply. "It's a rumor, I guess."

"I can explain it to you tomorrow, after your Harrowing," he stated.

"What is going to happen tomorrow?" she asked, her trepidation obvious.

Irving stood. "I'm afraid I can't tell you anymore than you already know. Sleep my dear, I will see you in the morning." He bent down to kiss her forehead.

Elaine watched him go and repositioned herself on her back. She gazed at the ceiling, idly counting the bricks as she'd done so many times before. By the time she reached fifty-four, she was bored again.

Despite her efforts, her thoughts continued to wander to the prisoner in the basement.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

Having little else to do in a building she couldn't leave, Elaine found other ways to keep herself occupied. For years she'd make up things to do in order to stave off the constant boredom, and tonight one of those things would come in handy.

Templar watch rotation was easy to memorize; sit behind some crates long enough, and it was easy to find out who would be where, at what time, and for how long. She also knew that at this late hour, the Templar who stood watch near the basement entrance would be sound asleep, having stuffed himself with too much food after a midnight visit to the kitchen.

Elaine made her way past him easily, then carefully opened the basement door and slipped inside. Her soft footsteps on the cold stone floor made no sound as she went down the stairs and around the corner. A large door blocked her progress; she tried, but failed to open it. Down the hall to the right, and followed by a quick left, led Elaine to her goal.

A row of cells lined the wall, all empty except for the last one. The fugitive lay sleeping on the bed inside, at least she guessed he was asleep, from his slow breathing. She studied his appearance from the other side of the cell door.

He seemed to have cleaned up a bit. His sandy blond hair was long, and tied in a ponytail at his nape. He had a light dusting of stubble on his face, cheekbones were fairly high, and his chin small. The only noticeable difference between him and all the other male mages was a golden earring pierced through his right earlobe.

"Are you going to keep staring at me?" he asked with his eyes closed.

Elaine jumped back, startled. "You could've just said hi ya know," she told him defiantly.

"What, and ruin the fun of you drooling at my charming good looks? Where's the excitement in that?" He sat up on his bed and looked at her. "Well, come closer and visit the animal in the cage, if you want."

"That's not why I'm here," she said.

"Oh? Then why _are_ you?" She couldn't think of a good explanation, and he began laughing at her. "You get lost on your way to Denerim?"

"Ugh," Elaine said, frustrated by his mocking tone.

She began to walk away when he called to her. "Oh come on now, I was only teasing. Stay for a bit? It's pretty lonely down here. I've no one to talk to except Mr. Wiggums."

"Who?"

"The cat," he said as if it were obvious. "Certainly you've seen the tabby cat prowling around the Tower? He keeps me company whenever I'm locked up."

Elaine shook her head. "No, sorry, never seen a cat."

"He'll show up eventually," Anders said with certainty. "So, mind telling me who you are? I haven't seen you in the mage quarters. I would've remembered you."

"My name's Elaine. I'm still an apprentice, well, until tomorrow."

"Well that explains it. I am Anders, mage and often _wanted_ apostate. Welcome to my humble home." He spread his arms wide, indicating the cell. "For the next little while it seems."

She moved closer to the cell door. "They can really keep you locked up down here forever?"

"It appears so. Big day tomorrow, and you're down here with me?"

"I can't sleep," she said, and lowered herself to the floor. "So much pressure and studying and training for…oh wait, that's right, they don't tell you what the Harrowing actually is."

"I could tell you," Anders said smugly.

"Will you?"

"No, just said that I could, if I really wanted to." He smiled at her.

Elaine growled. "You are impossibly annoying."

"Oh you love it. Or at least, you don't know any better. The Harrowing isn't that big a deal. You'll be fine, I have a feeling."

"Yes, but what is it?" she asked, frustrated.

Anders' smile grew wider. "You are a little spitfire, aren't you? I'm sorry, I just can't tell you."

"You will run away from here over and over again, but you won't tell some stupid secret about the Harrowing?"

"Hey, I have morals you know. Besides, I think you'll enjoy it more if you're surprised. And afterwards we can have some fun."

"No we can't," she said frowning. "After tomorrow I'll be in the mage's quarters. I can't come down here as easily from there as I can from the apprentice wing."

Anders smiled mischievously. "If I promise you that I'll see you tomorrow without you having to come find me, you have to promise me that you won't tell anyone you've spoken to me."

Elaine stood up and rolled her eyes. "Sure, why not? Cause no way can you keep up your end."

"Oh, I can keep it up," he said, laughing.

She understood his joke and blushed, before turning to leave. "Night Anders, see you next year."

She could still hear him laughing as she exited the basement.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

"Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him," Knight-Commander Greagoir began. "Thus spoke the prophet Andraste as she cast down the Tevinter Imperium, ruled by mages who had brought the world to the edge of ruin." Elaine looked around the Harrowing Chamber apprehensively at the five Templars, including her friend Cullen, who were here with the Knight-Commander and the First Enchanter. If she hadn't been nervous last night or this morning when she awoke, she certainly was nervous now.

Greagoir continued. "Your magic is a gift, but it is also a curse - for demons of the dream realm, the Fade, are drawn to you, and seek to use you as a gateway into this world."

Irving spoke next. "This is why the Harrowing exists. The ritual sends you into the Fade, and there you will face a demon, armed with only your will."

She dared to ask, "What happens if I cannot defeat the demon?"

Greagoir responded gruffly. "It will turn you into an abomination, and the Templars will be forced to slay you."

"Heh," she said nervously. "Is that all?"

"The Harrowing is a secret out of necessity, child," Irving told her. "Every mage must go through this trial. As we succeeded, so shall you. Keep your wits about you and remember the Fade is a realm of dreams. The spirits may rule it, but it is your own will that is real."

The Knight-Commander interrupted him. "The apprentice must go through this test alone, First Enchanter." Then Greagoir peered down at her. "You _are_ ready," he reassured her.

She placed her hand near the pedestal of lyrium, and seconds later found herself within the Fade.

The Harrowing lived up to its name - twists and turns of spirits and demons, tricks of the mind and heart. What she at first thought was simply a lost mage turned out to be the true test, after she met a Spirit of Valor, a Spirit of Rage, and several demons. When she awoke, she was told not to discuss her experience with anyone, so Elaine couldn't be sure if it was a test set up by Irving and Greagoir that everyone goes through, or if each mage had their own unique encounter with demons. To think they'd freely allow an apprentice to enter the Fade and face unknown horrors... it was a frightening thought. What if some faced more than a few demons? How was this a fair trial of ones abilities? And what did that spirit mean when he'd said, _'True tests never end.'_

Elaine pondered all of this as she packed her things. For one who had lived in the Tower for so long, she was surprised at how little she had accumulated. Of course, with no access to the outside, she reasoned, it was impossible to acquire anything of her own. Everything she stuffed into her pack was Tower issue: clothes, sheets, blankets, pillows, and a few books.

The more she thought on it, the more she understood why Anders kept trying to escape. He was already a full mage, free and clear of his Harrowing. What would come after that? When you've studied and passed, then what? More training? What for? To grow old like Irving and eventually die in this place? She suddenly realized how small the Tower felt around her, and dared, for a moment, to think of a life outside the Circle.

As Elaine made her way to her new room, the mages she encountered all seemed to be whispering. At first she thought it was her, some sort of odd, welcoming initiation as they talked about her behind her back. But as she strolled through the library, she was able to pick up a conversation on the other side of the bookshelves. Apparently there was a Grey Warden in the Tower seeking new recruits for some war in the south. Was it coincidence, she wondered, that she had just been imagining a way out of this prison, and one had presented itself? She decided she would search out the Warden after a much needed nap.

****._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.** **

"Mrow?"

Elaine bolted upright from the noise in her ear, startling the cat and the man who held him. "Be careful, you're scaring Mr. Wiggums!"

"Anders?" She attempted to erase him from her sight by rubbing her eyes, convinced that she was still asleep.

"Shhh, not so loud if you please. I told you Mr. Wiggums was real."

Sitting up in her bed, Elaine leaned against the wall, pulled her nightshirt down over her thighs and looked at Anders and the cat. "Am I still dreaming? Is my test not over and I'm still in the Fade?"

Anders rolled his eyes. "If this was the Fade, I hope you would imagine somewhere nicer. No, I am keeping my promise to you. And, I need a favor."

She looked at him in disbelief. "I don't even know you. Well, I know a little, _apostate_ , and you want a favor from me?"

"Hey," he said and appeared hurt. "I brought you my cat as a sign of good faith! Come on, hear me out." He pouted, and she thought again how handsome he was.

Elaine sighed. "First day as a mage, and already I'm breaking the rules."

Anders scoffed. "You did that as an apprentice, too. Why should now be any different?"

She thought about his question for a moment, realizing he was correct. "Okay, ask."

"Let me stay here with you tonight? I'm afraid I misjudged the time it would take to find you, and I can't leave until the morning."

Elaine raised an eyebrow at him. "Stay here? With me?"

"Completely innocent, I swear," he said, crossing his heart.

She shrugged. "Why not?" She got out of bed and slipped on her night robe before checking the door to make sure it was locked. Anders put Mr. Wiggums down and the cat immediately ran under her desk. "How did you get up here?"

Anders flopped onto her bed and made himself comfortable. "It was easy really; everyone seems very busy with the Warden around."

"You know about him?"

"It's all anyone is talking about," Anders replied. "He's also going to be my way out of here tomorrow. They'll be so many people coming and going, no one will notice." He seemed very pleased with his plan.

Elaine sat on her desk chair and put her feet up on the bed. "I was going to find out if they'd let me join him."

"You? Become a Grey Warden?" Anders couldn't help but laugh. "Well good luck with _that_."

"Why not me?" she asked, offended.

He narrowed his eyes at her. "You're too... _girly_."

She had to stop herself from laughing loudly. "I am _not_ girly."

"Oh yes you are, I can tell. Your long silky hair tied up in ribbons, even when you're going to sleep." He nodded, satisfied with his observations. "Yup, girly."

"You know as much about me as I know about you," Elaine protested. "Which, I believe, is absolutely nothing."

Anders was beginning to enjoy the game. He closed his fingers around her foot and lifted it off the bed. "You even have your toenails colored. The proof is all right here."

"Well what else am I supposed to do?" Elaine finally asked, frustrated. "I'm stuck here with nothing to do but read and cast spells. I have to pass the time somehow. Why not decorate my toes and make sure my hair looks nice?"

"Fair enough," Anders responded. "But the real question is, _who_ are you being all girly _for_?"

"Why does it have to be for anyone but myself?" she protested.

Anders wasn't convinced. "Come on, you can tell me, your secrets leave with me tomorrow. No late night rendezvous with another mage? Or even better, a Templar?"

"If there were, I certainly wouldn't tell you," she denied.

"Aha, so there _is_ someone," he said, satisfied.

"There was," she finally admitted with a sigh. "Not anymore."

"Juicy. Details please."

Elaine laughed. Despite his persistent questioning, she found him charming. "Well, not much to tell really. It began with a few stolen kisses, and eventually became more... serious."

"Mage or Templar?" he pushed.

"Templar," she confirmed. "His guilt got the best of him though, and he turned himself in. He refused to tell them it was me, but I think they knew. They chose him to kill me if I'd failed my Harrowing."

"Oh, that is brutal," Anders said, shaking his head. "You're right to want to leave this place, can't even get a good romp in the hay going."

"Heh, that's for sure," Elaine agreed. "I don't get how some of these people can spend their entire lives here without some kind of intimacy. Those who want to be together must sneak around." She hopped on the bed and sat next to Anders. "See, if they would just allow relationships in here, no one would have to lie or sneak or want to escape."

"I think they worry they'd have to expand the Tower, set up a whole 'family' section," Anders assumed. "And who would want that, screaming babies and marital spats? What if two mages are together and then have a bad breakup? They could bring the place crashing down with angry fireballs."

Elaine couldn't help but laugh, almost too loudly, as Anders brought his hand up to her mouth to quiet her. She looked at him apologetically and he removed his hand. "Sorry, the mental image got the best of me."

"I think you must want to get caught with me in your bed. You know, upset your Templar boyfriend," he said, teasing her.

"Yup, you got me, that's it. I'm going to use you for sex to make him jealous."

"Who said anything about sex?" Anders asked mischievously. "I still have my clothes on. Not much scandal there."

Elaine couldn't help but smile at the man laying next to her. Suddenly, the idea of a naked Anders was very appealing to her, but she put the thought out of her mind. She barely knew him, and he'd be leaving after tomorrow, probably forever. "Do you need to rest before your big escape?"

Anders shook his head. "Not really, I slept all day. There was nothing else to do. Now, I'm too excited to sleep."

"Me too. I mean, I slept all day, too." Elaine considered her earlier thoughts. "Can you tell me something Anders?"

"Ask away," he said, and pulled a ribbon from her hair. She looked at him curiously but then realized his plan, as he leaned over her, his chest on her legs. He trailed the ribbon along the floor, trying to entice the cat out from under the desk.

"What's it like, you know, out there in the real world?"

He sat up once. Mr. Wiggums was paying attention to the ribbon, and Anders teased him with it as he answered her. "It's freedom. It's dirt under your feet and a sky over your head. Sometimes it rains and you get wet. Other times it's so hot you want to take your clothes off and jump in a lake to cool off. There are people to talk to, animals that you've only read about in books. Different smells in the air - someone's dinner cooking, or spring flowers blooming, or even the stench of garbage. As bad as it was, hiding in a filthy alleyway in some town, covered in dirt and smelling like rotten fish, it was still freedom."

She looked at the wall behind him. "And in the Tower we aren't even allowed a window."

"They're probably afraid it would tempt you, make you want to escape. Or you'd leap to your death once you realized you were stuck here."

Elaine nodded, figuring the latter was probably the truth. "I don't know why I never thought about it much until now."

"Well, that's easy," Anders responded. "The Harrowing brings up all kinds of thoughts. Once you enter the Fade, it's like somewhere in the back of your mind you have small glimpses of all those who have passed through. Lives, loves, dreams, imaginations, all within your grasp. And then when you leave the Fade, you return here. Same brick walls, same people you've seen your entire life."

She sighed. "That makes a lot of sense."

"I can do that sometimes," he said smiling at her. He allowed Mr. Wiggums to keep the ribbon as he turned to face Elaine. "I'm sorry you can't come with me."

Elaine looked at him surprised. "Do you read minds?"

Anders chuckled. "No, I've just been where you are, and that's exactly why I started escaping the Tower. They'll find you eventually, like they always find me. Damned phylactery."

Elaine had forgotten about that. "So _that's_ how they always recapture you."

Anders nodded. "It has to be around here somewhere. I should probably spend more time searching it before I run."

"Get mine too, will ya?" she joked.

"You bet," he said. "Right after I kill the dozens of Templars that are probably guarding them. You may be onto something though, with that Warden. If he does take you, at least you won't be a prisoner here anymore."

"Assuming Irving and Greagoir let me go," Elaine said. "Or if the Warden even wants someone with so little experience."

Anders shrugged. "Stranger things have happened."

Elaine considered Anders again, as he casually sat across from her. A question suddenly came to her mind. "Do you have a girl out there Anders?"

He eyed her curiously. "Why do you ask?"

"It's only fair; you asked me earlier."

"Oh you like to play fair do you?" He smiled, a twinkle in his eye. "Well no, not really. A few I guess, but nothing serious."

"Love em and leave em," Elaine said with a smirk.

"Well, I know I'm going to get caught eventually. No point in breaking some girl's heart, now is there?"

"So even when you're free, you still can't be happy?" she wondered out loud.

"Not yet," he said. "But one day I guess, when I'm really free. Until then, it's one night adventures with women whose names I sometimes forget."

"Oh Anders, that's terrible," she teased.

"What? I have needs you know, just like anyone else. If you weren't so stuffy, I would've jumped on you already, have me a quick fling before I go."

Elaine glared at him. "Stuffy? First I'm _girly_ and now I'm _stuffy_?"

"Okay," he conceded. "Maybe stuffy isn't the right word. Prudish?"

She laughed again, then put a hand to her mouth to stifle the sound. "You really know nothing about me."

"Why?" he asked, suddenly curious. "Is there something about you I should know? Related to this particular topic, I mean."

Elaine gave him no to time to prepare as she leaned forward and kissed him. He was surprised at first, but then brought his hand up behind her head and pulled her to him. Her soft lips were on his, her tongue sliding across his in a caress. He tasted a bit wild, free, and to Anders she was a fire that suddenly began to kindle inside him. She sat up and moved closer, pressing her chest against his as she continued to kiss him with months of repressed passion. They both rose to their knees and pressed tightly together, her hands pressing hard into his back, his hands buried deep within her hair. Electricity seemed to pass between them as his mouth took full possession of hers, returning her passion with his own.

She released him only long enough to remove her robe and nightshirt, and then settled herself in his lap. His arms gathered her again, cradling her. She closed her eyes as his mouth left hers and began kissing her neck, his breath on her skin sending chills up her spine. His lips were velvety soft as they kissed a trail down to her chest, and she arched her back, offering her breasts to him. His mouth greedily accepted, sucking on her hard, pink nipples as his hands moved down her back and over her hips possessively - smoothing, kneading, exploring. His fingers found her tight curls and nestled there, causing her to gasp, her body tightening in anticipation. The need was building to a terrible urgency between them both.

Anders lifted her and threw her down onto the bed, towering over her as he removed his robe. As soon as he was free of the confining fabric, Elaine pulled him down to her, circling his neck with her arms. He kissed her again, hard, as his fingers explored once more, slipping inside her with a long, caressing stroke, careful of her tightness. Her small muscles clenched around him and her body shuddered from the intensity of pleasure. Her hips pushed up against him instinctively as he withdrew one finger and then inserted two, opening her for him.

Elaine grabbed his arms in an attempt to stop him, wanting more than what he was giving her. But the kind, sweet, jovial look that had been in his eyes was gone. He withdrew the fingers that were exploring her depths to take her arms and hold them above her head. The swift action should have alarmed her, but instead of fearing him, she wanted him even more.

"Anders please, I must have you," she begged as he held her in his grasp, making her long for him.

He continued to gaze at her intently, hovering over her naked form and teasing her entrance. He purposefully danced his sex between her legs without giving into her pleas, and she squirmed and fought beneath him. Each time she'd move her hips in an attempt to get closer, he'd pull away and narrow his eyes at her.

Leaning down to kiss her cheek, he pressed his body onto hers. She could feel his need for her resting against her inner thigh; so close and yet much too far away. Anders whispered in her ear, his warm breath pebbling her flesh. "How bad do you want it Elaine?"

"Please Anders... _Maker_ I can't stand it!"

Anders kissed her again, biting her lower lip, both of her wrists now held in one hand above her head. With his other hand he retrieved the forgotten ribbon from the floor, and used it to tie her wrists together. She said nothing as he moved over her, but she continued to arch her back toward him, needing to feel him. Once the ribbon was secured, he released his grip on her and sat up on his knees again. Strong hands trailed over her collarbone to her breasts, and he pinched both nipples at the same time. She opened her mouth to scream but he quickly placed a hand over her mouth. "I see you need to be gagged too," he said, reaching down to the floor to grab the belt from her robe. He placed it over her mouth and tied it behind her head as she looked up at him, her eyes begging and pleading.

He resumed his attention to her nipples, now both peaked from his previous touch. He could feel her liquid warmth drenching the tip of his cock where it teased her entrance each time he squeezed her nipples a little harder. She turned her head to the side, biting on the gag in her mouth and moaning softly, when she really wanted to scream her passion into the air of her little room. He continued to torment her for what seemed like hours, his fingers and his teeth torturing her breasts until her bed was soaked from the need of him.

Anders grabbed himself and teased her some more, refusing to enter her, but rubbing against her entrance over and over again. Her hips bucked wildly, until the heat building within her became unbearable. Anders leaned over her and pulled the gag from her mouth with his teeth. "Are you ready for me Elaine?"

She couldn't speak, only nodded her head and licked her lips, wanting to taste his mouth again. He responded by forcing his tongue to hers and at the same time he pushed inside her. The loud moan that escaped her was muffled by his mouth on hers as he withdrew and then slammed into her. Slowly he'd pull back, and then forcefully he'd enter, repeating this motion and teasing her beyond her wildest imaginings. His mouth seemed to mimic his actions between her legs, devouring her suddenly, and then softly breaking away from her.

Elaine closed her eyes as he continued this torment, eventually picking up speed as his excitement built. Her muscles held him tightly, each thrust bringing her closer to the edge. The faster he went, the more she moaned, sending vibrations through his tongue. His speed increased, and as he continued his thrusts and his mouth danced with hers, his hand grabbed her breast one last time. The smallest pinch of her nipple was all it took as he felt her muscles clamp down on him in orgasm. He slowed his pace slightly to allow the waves of pleasure to pass through her, and when he felt she was almost finished, he increased his speed, bringing himself to climax as well.

****._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.** **

He had untied her some time after, she wasn't sure when, and removed the belt that had slipped to her neck. They lay together naked, pressed into each other with arms and legs intertwined. He caressed her cheek softly with his hand, and the look in his eyes was gentle and kind once again. The thought of him leaving so soon haunted the back of her mind, but she allowed nothing to come between them during this moment of peaceful bliss.

When she awoke, he was gone. Laying next to her on the pillow was Mr. Wiggums. She petted him and he purred in response. She noticed the ribbon Anders had used tied her wrists was now wrapped around the cat loosely like a collar, and hanging from the ribbon was his earring. She removed the ribbon from the cat and held it up to watch the earring swing back and forth.

In that quiet moment, she wondered if she'd ever see Anders again.


	2. Ostagar to Amaranthine

_Be careful what you wish for._ Those were Elaine's thoughts as she followed the dark haired man with the scruffy beard. She had been given permission by Irving and Greagoir to join the Grey Wardens, and had left the Tower only one day ago. Now she walked in silence behind Duncan through the rain and mud, the hem of her new robes already brown with filth.

Elaine looked up to the sky and tried to remember what Anders had said. _Even when wet, in the rain, remember this is freedom._ She peered into the trees above her, trying to catch a glimpse at those rare animals he'd described. But she saw none, and in her distraction felt herself stumble forward, tripping over a tree root. She landed face first in the mud, and after only a few seconds, her Grey Warden companion helped her up.

"Are you hurt?" he asked as she wiped the mud from her eyes.

"Just my pride Duncan," she said, smiling. "Got lost in the sky for a minute. Sorry to slow us down."

"No need to apologize," he said honestly. "I had forgotten, you've never left the Tower and this would be your first experience of real trees, isn't it?"

She nodded, wringing the water and mud out of her pony tail. "Or grass, birds, rain, even this mud," she said, now laughing. "I'm sure as a child I saw these things, but it's such a distant memory compared to this." She looked down at her mud-soaked robes. "I'm a mess, but someday this will be a fun story to tell."

"Indeed," he said. "Perhaps we should rest. We've been moving at a fast pace since yesterday, and with little time for you to soak it all in."

"Only if you insist Duncan," Elaine said. "I know you were concerned about making it back to Ostagar in time."

They stopped for a little while to eat, Elaine absorbing the smells and the feel of the dirt beneath her. She watched as insects went about their day, and she left an offering of bread for them to chew on.

Duncan smiled at her wonderment of nature; it was like watching a child discover the world anew. He allowed himself a moment to appreciate all the things he never realized he took for granted.

* * *

He followed them for a while. He wasn't sure why, but he felt the need to make sure she would be okay. The man she was with seemed honorable enough; he had followed them for a day, and the Warden hadn't tried anything suspicious. Anders wanted to run to her when she fell, but he quickly changed his mind. _She will be alright_ , he thought as he heard her laugh at her own clumsiness. When they stopped for a meal, Anders continued to watch for a time. He watched how she broke up her food before she ate, instead of biting into it. He watched how she ran her hands through the grass or splashed them in the mud. That annoying loose strand of hair that refused to stay tucked in her pony tail; he remembered it from their night together. A smile crossed his face as he noticed the red ribbon around her neck, the makeshift necklace she now wore which held his earring.

 _Yes, she'll be okay._ She needed to live her new life as a Warden, and he had to begin his life again on the run. Anders gave her one more glance and then left his hiding spot to begin travelling to the Brecilian Forest.

* * *

Elaine wasn't prepared for Ostagar. She'd assumed that she'd show up for the battle, and they'd shove her to the rear of the army to cast spells. Instead, she found herself in a world that didn't trust mages, and in a group with three other men who seemed just as nervous as she was. She was, however, excited to meet the King and hear about his fascination with Wardens. His enthusiasm wasn't shared by everyone, but his welcoming speech made her proud to be joining their ranks.

Elaine figured Duncan was the eldest Warden in camp, although there were a few others that were sequestered from the rest of them, drinking and sharing stories with the King. Her immediate superior, she discovered, would be a man named Alistair, who would be her mentor as she prepared for the Joining ritual. To gather supplies Duncan sent them into the Wilds where Elaine encountered her first darkspawn, her first Mabari, and her first sense of what her life would really be like.

The night of the Joining was forever etched in her memory. She watched as two potential friends died; one from the ritual itself, and the other at the end of Duncan's blade. It was the first time she'd been afraid of the man, as she learned just how serious he carried out his role as a Warden. Elaine couldn't comprehend why Jory had to die; he'd simply changed his mind about joining. Was that not allowed after a certain point in the journey? Who would tell his wife back home? What would they say? Why couldn't they just let him go?

None of it made sense to her.

The smell of the blood nearly made her retch as she lifted the cup to her lips. It did not smell like normal blood, with its metallic overtones. It smelled of dirt, of death, and was darker than any liquid she had ever seen. She poured the warm liquid into the back of her throat to avoid tasting it. The blood was like molten fire as she swallowed hard, forcing it down into her stomach, the heat growing the lower it went.

The images that flashed through her mind were also impossible to forget. Massive hordes of darkspawn marched out of the Deep Roads and up to the surface, led by a huge dragon. She'd read about dragons in books, but it did not prepare her for what she'd seen in her dreams. She would learn later this was the Archdemon, a sight she hoped to never see up close.

From the moment she awoke, Elaine was forever changed. Alistair would become her only family. The battle would begin, many lives would be lost, and the world would never be the same again.

* * *

Anders had stumbled on the Dalish unintentionally on his travels through the Brecilian Forest. He had heard rumors during the last few weeks that they may be nearby but he had hoped to avoid them. Luck didn't seem to be on his side, however, when suddenly several elven archers, longbows poised to fire, pointed their arrows at his head.

The camp seemed to be a happy place, which was contrary to the few rumors he had heard about the Dalish. While Anders half expected to be their next meal, Keeper Lanaya greeted him with warmth and acceptance. "I am overwhelmed by your hospitality, Keeper," he said, bowing in the hopes it was considered a respectful gesture. "I had heard the Dalish weren't particularly fond of outsiders."

"Not usually, no," Lanaya admitted. "But lately outsiders have done many helpful things for us."

Anders was invited to join the clan for their evening meal, and Sarel, the clan's storyteller, was thrilled to have a new audience.

"Welcome stranger," he said as he patted the log beside him for Anders to sit. "What brings you here?"

"Oh just passing through," Anders said with a shrug.

"It seems we are fortunate enough to attract several travelers lately that are 'passing through'," Sarel observed in between bites of stew. "But welcome, join us in celebratory feast this evening."

Anders smiled at the man, accepting the plate of food that was handed to him. "What are we celebrating?"

"A cure was recently acquired for several of our sick," Sarel explained. "We celebrate their health, and the great Wardens who made it possible."

Anders perked up. "Wardens? They were here?"

"You know of the Wardens?" Lanaya asked.

"Well, possibly one of them," he admitted, trying to hide his excitement. "They aren't still around are they?"

"No," Sarel replied. "They had to move on, as we will soon, but they have brought new life to this camp again."

Anders dared to ask about Elaine. "Was one of them a woman? Black hair like a raven, ivory skin, with perhaps a necklace made of a red ribbon?"

"Is she your girlfriend?" Namaya, a woman who was seated across from him, asked pleasantly.

Anders laughed. "No, no, nothing like that. Just someone I knew."

Namaya kept at him. "Really? When you described her your expression turned rather... _dreamy_." She smiled knowingly.

"That's enough Namaya," Lanaya scolded her clan-mate for her rudeness.

Anders blushed but continued on, asking Sarel to tell him the story of what the Wardens had done, and why they had been there in the first place. The storyteller was all too happy to go into detail about the recent trouble with the werewolves, and how the Wardens had found a cure for the curse that had turned them into vicious beasts. Anders couldn't help but smile proudly at the thought of little Elaine making such a difference in the world already.

After some good food and drink were consumed, Anders was offered a tent where he could rest for the night before continuing on his journey. The outspoken woman from earlier, Namaya, snuck into his tent sometime during the night.

"Are you here to pick on me some more?" he joked with her. "You hurt my feelings, you know."

"I'm sure you'll get over it," Namaya said as she made herself comfortable. "I came to ask you something."

"Alright, I'm curious, what do you want to ask me?" He narrowed his eyes at her.

Namaya peeked through the tent's flap to make sure no one was within earshot. "Can I leave with you in the morning?"

Anders gasped in surprise. "Leave the Dalish? Why?"

Namaya shrugged. "Let's just say I have my own reasons."

"I'm not exactly the best traveling companion," Anders admitted. "You should have left with the Wardens."

She shook her head, "I tried. Couldn't. They wouldn't hear of it. Didn't want to 'get involved' in removing an elf away from her clan. But you're obviously already on the run, why not have company?"

Anders smirked at her. "How do you know I'm on the run?"

"I'm Dalish, not _stupid_. I know an apostate when I see one. So what do you think?"

"Why not?" Anders said with a laugh. He liked her spunk. "Meet me by that big oak tree tomorrow and we'll be on the run together."

* * *

Elaine and Alistair had grown close. It seemed inevitable; two people spending so much time alone together. Even in the midst of the other companions they gathered, the bond of the Wardens was something new friends couldn't understand; emotions only shared by the two of them. Their relationship grew stronger each passing day, and they eventually became lovers.

At first she'd thought perhaps she'd fallen in love with him, but as the months went by, Elaine felt herself pulling away from him. They had seen so much death. She had been forced to make several decisions that would forever change the fate of entire cities and races of people. In the Tower, her biggest worry had been which robe should she wear, or what to have for dinner. Now, one spell from her staff killed beasts and men alike.

There was too much anger, too much hatred for herself after what she'd done, and it had built into a raging storm inside of her - one which she _needed_ to release. Alistair had always been careful of her, nurturing her through the worst of it - gentle and kind in a way that was driving her mad. He didn't understand that she didn't need soft caresses, but instead wanted their lovemaking to reflect the frenzy of savage emotion she'd felt for so long. Elaine wanted it rough, she wanted him to tie her up and ride her into the ground. If she didn't release some of this soon, she was afraid she would explode - or lose her mind. Why should she deserve gentle consideration? She was a killer who dealt in violence. Shouldn't some of that be given back to her in turn?

In their travels they picked up many companions, but none as fascinating and life changing as the assassin sent by Loghain and Arl Howe to kill her. Zevran was an elf, an Antivan Crow, and very, very sexual. He immediately began flirting with everyone at camp, and Elaine was soon fascinated with him. He was so open about his sexuality and experience that Elaine was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. The topic came up several times during their nightly watches together, and eventually Elaine felt comfortable enough to tell him what was going on inside her.

"As an assassin," he began, "I completely understand your desire for a more...heated encounter behind closed doors. We live a dangerous life and we grow to enjoy it. It's only natural that we want to bring that passion into the bed with us."

Elaine let out a breath of relief - finally someone understood what she had been trying to express for months. Zevran had prodded into her past encounters, convinced that she must have experienced it to crave it. She confided in him about Anders, the first "dangerous" man she had slept with, and what their brief time together was like.

"Exciting isn't it?" he smiled, knowing that it was. "If you were attracted to the danger to begin with, cuddles and kisses at night would be rather dull, would they not?"

"I feel as if I've waited years for someone to understand me," Elaine said, relief obvious in her voice.

"The problem, my dear, is your fellow Warden. I see how he is; gentle, kind, loving. These are not horrible qualities in a man, but they are not for you. Danger excites you. Mystery turns you on. It's natural to have these desires."

Elaine looked away. "I can't hurt him Zevran. I was his first, his only, he has lost so much that he can not lose me as well."

"Then perhaps we can attempt to harden him up and show him what he's missing."

* * *

Anders and Namaya arrived in Denerim exhausted from their travels. They avoided going into the marketplace since Anders knew there would be Templars there, and he knew Namaya couldn't wander through the streets without being thrown into the Alienage. He had been to Denerim a few times during his previous escapes, and was very familiar with which areas of the city were safe for him.

He took Namaya to The Pearl, a brothel within the city. The rooms were free and the company was accepting. Sanga, the proprietor, always welcomed Anders when he returned, and gave him a free place to stay being aware of his life on the run. It was also the only place that he knew Namaya would be safe, as there were several different races that worked at the brothel.

They remained in Denerim for some time. Anders had a few old friends he had to contact to see if the Templars were closing in. Namaya remained, charmed by Anders sweet talking and sense of humor. They spent their nights drinking with travelers and having fun, after which they'd hurry off to bed for some personal attention.

One night, Anders had entirely too much to drink, and decided he'd put on a show for the ladies. He asked Namaya to be his assistant, and as drunk as she was she accepted. Anders had her lay on a table and began shooting low level electric bolts on her body. She giggled in delight, as it was pleasurable and ticklish, and he continued to do it up and down her body from her legs to her chest, stopping in certain sensitive female areas. When he did so, Namaya would start to moan from the excitement of it. The soft jolts aroused her, and soon everyone was volunteering to be his assistant. It was the most fun he'd ever had in public - he was accepted for his magic and showed clearly that it wasn't as evil as the Templars made it out to be.

But, as always, he'd gone too far, and Sanga came to him the following morning warning him that the Templars were looking for him. She also had a note for him from one of his contacts; a rumor of a phylactery shipment that was headed to Amaranthine from the Circle. There was concern that the Circle was no longer a safe place to keep them, given recent internal problems, and the darkspawn's destruction of Lothering, a town not far from Kinloch Hold.

Amaranthine was a long walk from Denerim, so Anders and Namaya set out immediately with the Templars hot on their heels.

* * *

One night in Denerim was the turning point of Elaine and Alistair's relationship. Alistair wanted to go into the town to find his sister, and was not greeted with the warm welcome he'd expected from family. Goldanna was cold, and hard, the complete opposite of Alistair, and it confused him. "You both grew up in very different worlds Alistair," Elaine explained. "Some people are just out for themselves."

"I had hoped she'd accept me," he said sadly, realizing that his family truly was lost. "Perhaps I do need to be King; maybe then she'd appreciate me."

Elaine had snapped, having heard enough. Alistair seemed to _want_ to be a doormat for those around him.

"Do you even hear yourself?" she asked, heatedly. "Always trying to do what you think everyone wants of you. What do _you_ want? Have you no desires and goals of your own?"

He was taken aback by her verbal assault, but her words stung of truth. He had always done what was expected, what was needed, and never asked himself what he wanted. He'd spent the rest of the day thinking on it, and he knew she was right. At camp they had a lengthy, long overdue discussion, and Elaine finally was able to make him see things a different way.

"Our first nights together, when we began this journey, you told me you dreamed of making Duncan proud. Rebuilding the Wardens, carrying on the legacy he left to you when he died. How is being King going to do that?"

He remembered that conversation, and cursed himself for forgetting it so easily under the towering influence of Arl Eamon, the man who insisted he become King.

"You don't have to be King, Alistair," she continued when she realized he was really listening this time. "Continue on with the Wardens. Rebuild. Join with the others that'll soon be in Ferelden. It's your calling, it's all you talked about before Eamon threw the throne down your throat. Don't change your dreams because he tells you to, or because you think your sister will respect you more. She only wants your money, and Eamon only wants control of the kingdom through you."

He nodded, accepting her words for truth. But one thing bothered him. "You're right, those are my dreams. But we've never discussed yours. You joined the Wardens as a way out of the Circle, but is it really the future you wanted? What is it that _you_ want?"

Elaine hadn't thought much on a future; she had lived every day just trying to survive. "I can't tell you Alistair. I've honestly never had the time to think about it."

Alistair smiled, a new bravery coming over him. "Surely there must be something. Anything, even if it's small. What have you been yearning for and haven't been able to do?"

Elaine laughed nervously, one thought immediately coming to mind. "Oh that's a dangerous thing to ask Alistair. I'm not sure you want to hear the answer."

But he surprised her, embracing his new attitude as best he could. "Anything you want. If it's possible, for you I will give it my best. You've helped me realize a dream today; I want to do the same for you."

She told him she'd let him know, and they continued on with their tasks in Denerim. She couldn't say if it was fate or chance that brought them to the Pearl that night, but a dream was about to become a reality.

They had met a beautiful pirate named Isabela, someone Zevran was quite familiar with. Introductions were made, and Elaine knew instantly she was going to like this woman. She was as free as Zevran in her sexuality, teasing their trio from the moment they said hello. The way she called Elaine "sweet thing" made Elaine shiver with delight; an unexpected reaction, she admitted to herself. When Isabela suggested they become better acquainted, Elaine couldn't help but flirt back, and suddenly there was an offer.

"Are you suggesting...with her?" Alistair said astonished. "Wow, and here I am, _awake_ and everything."

"Perhaps your friend is feeling left out?" Isabela said. "There is always room for one more, yes?"

Elaine looked at Alistair, trying to guess what he was thinking.

"Are you really sure you want to do this?" he asked.

"Remember earlier?" Elaine tested the waters. "You asked me if there was something I have been wanting to do that I was unable to?"

He nodded. "Threesome with a pirate? I admit I didn't see _that_ one coming."

"And what about you Zev?" Isabela continued. "Shall we? For old times sake?"

Zevran sighed. "Oh Isabela, you and your ridiculous appetites. Perhaps we should leave it up to our friend here."

Elaine was still looking at Alistair, eyes widened from the thought of Zevran joining them. Alistair studied her expression and saw hope there, desperation for approval, and he realized this was perhaps something Elaine had been looking for, had been _needing_.

He surprised them all, even himself, when he agreed. "Well, I'll say it, I am a weak weak man. I guess I'll _have_ to play along."

* * *

Anders and Namaya stuck to the coast as much as possible as they headed north to Amaranthine. While the journey was longer taking the coastal route, Anders was trying to lose the Templars that he knew followed them. They would spend days backtracking inland before traveling back to the coast.

When they came upon a small fishing town, Anders took the opportunity to secure passage to Alamar. Though the island was not known as a great place to live due to the raiders that occupied it, Anders had hoped the Templars wouldn't follow him to such a risky place. Once they arrived on the island, they remained in the woods, relying on Namayas survival skills in the wilderness.

After a few weeks when there was no sign of Templars on the island, Anders decided it might be safe to return to the mainland. Ships rarely frequented the island however, so it took them longer to leave than he would've liked. He thought luck was on his side however when a ship finally did arrive that was headed to a port right outside of Amaranthine. They booked passage and safely arrived near the city.

Unfortunately for Anders though, the Templars were at the docks waiting. His capture was immediate. He'd had nowhere to run, and after a brief stop at Vigil's Keep to replenish their supplies, the Templars would begin the journey back to Lake Calenhad with Anders once again a prisoner.

* * *

Elaine found her release that night at the Pearl. Each day afterward she kept focused on doing what needed to be done and nothing more. She knew in her heart Alistair wasn't really okay with what had happened, and that he only did it for her. Proving her point, she thought, that he was still doing things to make others happy instead of pleasing himself. While the evening had been filled with pleasure, some welcomed pain, and a chance to release the built up emotion inside of her, it had been the end of the two of them.

They had discussed it one night when they were alone on watch. Alistair dared to bring it up, knowing what the end result would bring. "You deserve someone better Alistair," Elaine said. "Someone who isn't as damaged."

"Is _that_ how you see yourself?" he asked. "Damaged?"

"Aren't I? You constantly ridicule Zevran that he enjoys killing people, and for his overtly sexual nature. I am not so different from him."

Alistair rolled his eyes. "You are _nothing_ like him."

"Or you just don't want to admit it," she said sadly.

"No," he said. "I guess not." He couldn't find the words to say goodbye to their relationship. She had been everything to him, but he knew he couldn't make her happy. And what surprised him even more was that he was beginning to realize she wouldn't make him happy either. "I love you Elaine. That will never change."

She looked at him. "I love you too, Alistair. Please believe that."

And so it was over. He never brought it up or disrespected her for her decisions, but the change was obvious even to their companions. Alistair began taking charge more, perhaps trying to prove something to himself, and Elaine found herself slipping away in the middle of the night to be with Zevran. Zevran understood her and knew her needs. He was fine with the fact that she didn't want a relationship; she just needed to get her mind off the chaos for a while. The sadness she and Alistair thought would come from their separation never happened. Instead, they began working even better together; Alistair with his mind on his future, and Elaine free from pent up despair and frustration.

The Blight was upon them, pressuring them to conclude gathering their armies and to prepare for the invasion of darkspawn - and possibly the Archdemon. Before the final battle, Elaine was never more proud of Alistair when he stood up to Eamon and declared he would relinquish the throne to Queen Anora. He would remain with the Wardens. The look on Eamons face was priceless. They were able to enter the battle fresh, and more than ready to fight their enemies to the death - and be victorious.

Queen Anora kept her promise to the Wardens and offered them Arl Howe's lands in Amaranthine, including Vigil's Keep, which was to become the new base of operations for the Wardens. After some discussion, Elaine agreed to travel to the Keep and meet the Wardens coming from Orlais. Alistair remained in Denerim for a time to help rebuild the Wardens while their popularity was high from their recent victory. As they moved on, so did their friends, all seeking out their own fate.


	3. Right of Conscription

Elaine had a lot of time to think during the journey to Vigil's Keep. Her traveling companion, a woman named Mhairi, seemed a bit shy and timid, and Elaine was thankful for the quiet to process all she had been through in the last year. A new beginning she thought, as Grey Warden Commander, in a land she was unfamiliar with. Which meant they were as unfamiliar with her as she was of them, and she could begin anew in any way she chose.

A break from fighting and death knocking at her door. Oversee the rebuilding and restructuring of the Keep while awaiting new recruits sent from Alistair in Denerim. It sounded like a peaceful beginning of her new life, and Elaine was looking forward to moving on.

As they approached Vigil's Keep, however, the familiar burn in her stomach caused her to tense up, and when there was no one to welcome them on the road, she knew something bad was about to happen.

"Darkspawn," she warned Mhairi, seconds before the beasts were upon them. Just when she'd thought it'd be a peaceful new beginning, the smell of tainted blood filled her nose once again. Mhairi sliced into several darkspawn and Elaine directed her spells toward others. Wave after wave hit them, all running from the Keep, and Elaine felt a saddening realization within: they were running from the Keep, which means they had already taken it over.

They fought their way through the front gates and into the Keep, where there were a few guards hiding or running for their lives, but no signs of the other Grey Wardens that should've been there. "Where are all the Wardens?" Elaine wondered out loud. "How did they not sense the darkspawn?"

Mhairi remained silent, fear in her eyes, although she kept her composure while fighting. Once they had made short work of the darkspawn in the main hall, the sounds of battle caught their attention from one of the upper levels. They ran in the direction of the muffled moans and shrieks, and immediately came upon darkspawn and Templar corpses laying at their feet. In the middle of them stood a man with a sheepish grin.

"Commander," Mhairi spoke, "this man is Anders, a wanted apostate. The Templars had brought him here just before I left. I thought they'd be gone by now."

"Yes well it seems those plans didn't turn out so well," Anders said, ignoring Mhairi and staring at Elaine. She was stunned, unable to move or speak as she locked eyes with Anders. "The Maker moves in mysterious ways," he continued when Elaine remained silent.

"The Templars were taking him back to the Tower," Mhairi continued explaining to Elaine. "And now they're all….dead."

"Well, tell you what," Anders said. "I'll help you now, and we can discuss what comes later…later, once all these bastards are properly put down, yes?"

The screams of someone in distress snapped Elaine out of her shocked trance and she turned to run as more darkspawn were upon them. They fell much easier with Anders' assistance, and with methodical searching they cleared out all darkspawn she could sense on the main level of the Keep. They continued on to the upper levels, fighting darkspawn and helping those that had been in hiding.

When the Keep was clear, Elaine, Mhairi, and Anders returned to the exterior courtyard where the survivors had all gathered. Elaine was met by Seneschal Varel, who explained that the darkspawn had come from beneath the Keep itself, surprising and killing every Grey Warden that had been in the Keep.

Her first day as Commander, and already it seemed too much to process. Elaine slipped into her role easily though, ordering guards to collect bodies and servants to begin cleaning up what they could. Varel offered apologies for the condition of the Keep, and Elaine shrugged, realizing her life was never going to be as easy as she had hoped only a few hours ago.

And then there was Anders. Here of all places. Her brain was in overdrive and didn't even want to comprehend all that was going on around her. As she gave out the rest of the orders to the remaining staff of the Keep, she asked Varel to show her to her room so she could clean up a bit. He did so quietly, seeming a bit embarrassed that she had walked into such chaos under his charge, but Elaine couldn't think about stroking his ego right now. She was filthy. She was exhausted. And she was afraid.

* * *

Elaine wasn't sure how long she'd been asleep, but when she woke the sun was beginning to set. She sat up and stretched forward to release the tension in her back. A voice in the darkness startled her. "Well, this is more pleasant than sitting in a Templar cell," he said from the chair near her desk.

"Hello Anders," she managed after she caught her breath.

"'Hello Anders'? That's all you've got after all this time? And after ignoring me earlier, as if you didn't know me? I'm terribly hurt, you know."

Elaine got out of bed and reached for her bag to start the unpacking she had delayed in favor of sleep. "I didn't ignore you," she said, avoiding eye contact with him. "I just didn't acknowledge that I knew you."

"I fail to see how the two are different," Anders said, watching her pretend to be busy. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs. "So, fancy Warden Commander now, I see."

Elaine nodded, "Seems that way. Which means I probably have to decide what to do with you."

Anders snickered, "I can think of a few things I'd like you to do to me."

She felt her face blush at the thought, but quickly brushed it aside. She wasn't the same curious child she had been when they'd first met. She now had responsibility, a reputation and Grey Warden obligations. She was no longer carefree, and was now painfully aware that her actions had consequences. He was an apostate, and those at the Keep knew it.

"You're thinking too much," Anders said after a few moments of silence. "I see those brows of yours all scrunched up. Is it because I'm supposed to be your prisoner?"

Elaine couldn't help but laugh. Anders' sense of humor was like no other, and it brought her back to that night they shared. For a moment she allowed the smile on her face to remain as she shook her head. She sat on the bed and really looked at him for the first time. He still had a twinkle in his eyes, and the smug, yet adorable, mouth and chin. He looked a bit older and somewhat tired, but very little had changed in his appearance. She sighed, letting down some of her defenses and looked at him from across the room. "How did you get caught this time?" she asked trying to regain neutral ground.

"Oh, you don't want to hear my boring stories," Anders said leaving his position at her desk and moving closer to her. "I want to hear about the powerful Grey Warden mage that killed an Archdemon!"

Elaine giggled softly, shaking her head at him. "It was nothing, really. Me and about 30 people, no problem."

Anders moved next to her on the bed, and she shifted a bit uncomfortably to turn and face him. "So no juicy tales from the road," he said softly to her, inches away.

"N-no," she said breathlessly from the closeness of him. She looked into his eyes, which seemed to pierce right through her, and felt an overwhelming desire to kiss him, as she remembered the taste of his lips from their last night together.

"That's too bad," he said leaning in closer, his mouth almost on top of hers.

A knock at the door startled them both, and Elaine jumped out of bed and onto her feet. She gestured for Anders to be silent with a finger to her lips, and motioned for him to hide in the closet. He shook his head, but did as she asked, and Elaine waited until he closed the door before she opened hers.

Varel stood at her door and gave her a warm smile. "I hope I didn't disturb you Commander."

"No Varel, not at all," she responded a bit flustered. "Is everything alright?"

"Scouts report the Queen on the road, headed toward the Keep. I thought it best we meet her at the gates since the Keep is still in a bit of disarray."

"A wise decision. Thank you Varel. I shall be down shortly."

"Yes Commander," he said, bowing as he retreated.

Elaine closed the door and placed her back on it, sighing from relief that he hadn't spotted Anders.

When Anders heard the door close he came out of hiding and moved quickly towards Elaine. He grabbed her hands and held them over her head, pressed his body against hers and kissed her, hard and and filled with need. She was startled at first, but soon returned his passionate kiss, desire and need passing between them. It was perhaps the most heated kiss she had ever experienced, and she was easily lost in it for a time as his tongue rediscovered her mouth and his teeth nibbled on her lips.

She moved away from him the instant reality intruded upon her brain, and moved quickly toward her clothes. "The Queen will be here at any moment," she said as an excuse for pulling away from him.

"Mhmm, I heard. Amazing how not sound proof a closet can be," he said sarcastically.

Elaine shook her head but laughed as she began to make herself presentable. "You should go freshen up. You're coming with me."

"Me," he said surprised. "Meet the Queen? Oh you do like to live on the edge don't you."

"Why not?" Elaine asked. "You helped save the Keep; it's only right you stand beside me."

"Uhm hello? Apostate, remember?"

"All the more reason," Elaine said running a brush through her hair before tying it up in a ponytail. "Besides, who's going to tell her you're a wanted mage?"

"You don't think the Seneschal will let it slip, or that beauty of a warrior we fought with?"

"I don't think anyone is going to risk further embarrassment to the Keep right now. It's bad enough they were overrun by darkspawn, the very thing they are supposed to fight against." Elaine forced Anders to turn around as she changed her robes. "It's a quick meet and greet, and she'll be on her way. She's headed back to Denerim from Amaranthine, and I'm sure just checking in to see if I made it here safely."

Anders shook his head but refrained from further arguing. "Point the way fearless leader."

* * *

When Queen Anora and her traveling party marched up to the gates of Vigils Keep, Elaine did everything in her power to hide her fear when she noticed the dozen Templars accompanying her. She had expected Anora to travel with her own castle guards, not Denerim's entire Templar population. Anders shifted uncomfortably next to her, muttering under his breath. "No worries, simple greetings," and she managed to kick his leg as she dropped to one knee to bow before the Queen. Her companions quickly followed her lead.

"It seems we arrived too late to be of assistance," Anora said, as Elaine and the others stood. "My apologies."

Mhairi seemed a bit in awe as she whispered "Queen Anora!"

"I had intended to provide the Wardens a formal welcome," Anora continued. "This is unexpected, to say the least. What is the situation?" she asked.

Varel responded to the Queen's question. "What darkspawn remained have fled, your Majesty. The Grey Wardens who arrived from Orlais appear to be either dead or…missing."

"Missing?" Anora shook her head. "As in taken by the darkspawn? Do these creatures take prisoners?"

"I do not know, your Majesty," Varel continued. "I know only that we cannot account for all the Wardens."

"Unfortunate," Anora sighed, not wanting to think about the political repercussions of such an event. She turned to Elaine. "I trust you are well, Warden Commander?"

"I am, your Majesty, thank you. I'm sorry we can't offer you more hospitable arrangements at this time, but we're still sorting through the Keep after the attack."

"I'm sure," Anora replied. "You have quite the task ahead of you. I will offer what aid I can, but it seems you will be largely on your own."

"Hey! What am I? Chopped nug livers?" From behind Anora stepped Oghren, a dwarf and traveling companion of Elaine's that she'd met in Orzammar.

"Oghren!" Elaine exclaimed as she greeted the dwarf. "I didn't know you were traveling with the Queen."

"I came here to join the Grey Wardens, and from the looks of it, you could use the extra hands! Where's the giant cup? I'll gargle and spit!"

Elaine shook her head at her old friend. "You're not allowed to spit Oghren."

"Heh," he replied. "That's what I always say."

Mhairi looked a bit uneasy at the thought of the dwarf becoming a Warden. "I…suppose all are welcome, in this dire time."

A Templar stepped forward from the group behind the Queen, interrupting their jovial banter. With urgency in her voice, she exclaimed "Queen Anora! Your Majesty, beware! This man is a dangerous criminal!"

"I beg your pardon?" Anora questioned, confused by the Templar's sudden outburst. "He's traveled with us for weeks."

"She means me," Anders said solemnly, as he hung his head.

The Templar explained. "This man is an apostate, who we were bringing back to the Circle to face justice! I can only assume that he stands here means my fellow Templars were killed!"

"Oh please," Anders said in disgust. "The things you people know about justice would fit into a thimble. I'll just escape again, anyhow."

Elaine shook her head and looked towards the ground, silently berating herself for suggesting Anders come meet the Queen. What a mess.

The Templar stared at Anders malevolently. "Never! I will see you hanged for what you've done here, murderer!"

"Murderer?" Anders couldn't believe what he was hearing. "But those Templars were… Oh what's the use, you won't believe me."

"Anders did not murder anyone," Elaine said, speaking in his defense. "He helped us to fight the darkspawn, and saved several innocent people along the way."

"Thank you," Anders said to her. "But it's no use. They'll always believe what they want."

"Commander," Anora addressed Elaine. "It seems this man is in your charge, but I can not allow an apostate to go free for obvious reasons. Unless you have some other suggestion, I will have to allow the Templars to take him into custody."

Elaine panicked. This was her fault, his recapture would be her fault. She looked towards Varel, who only looked at her in anticipation, but offered little help. Oghren belched beside her, and she wondered briefly how much he'd had to drink on the road. The image of him drinking during the Joining flashed in her mind, and Elaine almost smiled when she thought Oghren's burping had given her a solution to the problem. "Queen Anora. I wish to conscript this mage into the Grey Wardens."

The Templar immediately protested. "What? Never!"

But Anora backed up Elaine. "I believe the Grey Wardens still retain the Right of Conscription, no? I will allow it."

Elaine smiled triumphantly at the Templar as the woman squirmed under her orders. "If…if your Majesty feels it is best," she said as she turned her back on the Queen and walked away.

Oghren laughed, "Ha! Way to go kid! Welcome aboard!"

Anders turned to look at Elaine. "Me? A Grey Warden?" She nodded nervously, wondering if he was upset with her for making such a decision without talking to him first. But her nerves went away when he shrugged and stated, "I guess that will work."

Mhairi bowed to him. "Congratulations, ser mage. I look forward to fighting at your side."

Anora looked towards the group. "Well Commander, if you have everything under control here, I need to take my leave."

Varel nodded to the Queen. "I believe the estate has been secured, yes. We have suffered great losses, but the darkspawn are gone, and there are survivors who need attention."

Anora nodded at his report and looked to Elaine once more. "It will be up to you to deal with the vestiges of the Blight before the situation grows out of control. No easy task, but I'm confident you are up to it."

Elaine again knelt before the Queen. "Thank you, your Majesty. I will not let you down."

"Prepare to clear out," she ordered the army behind her. "Is there any message you'd have me deliver to Alistair upon my return?" she asked Elaine.

Elaine nodded. "Please, tell him to wait until he hears from me before sending new recruits. I must make sure the Keep is secure before risking further lives."

"Consider it done. Good luck Commander," Anora said, and she turned and left with her army.

Anders lay down on the ground in relief, and gazed up at the sky. "Did that just happen? Am I still here and alive?"

Mhairi laughed at him and Oghren chuckled as well. "Where's the ale? It's time to celebrate!"

Elaine looked at Varel and sighed as he smiled at her.

"I have a feeling things won't be dull around here," he remarked to her. She smiled at his warmth, realizing the course she had just set for herself and her new companions. "May I suggest we rest up this evening and prepare for the Joining tomorrow Commander? We should see to that as soon as possible."

"I agree," Elaine said. "Thank you, Varel."

He bowed to her and spoke to the new recruits. "I will show you both to your rooms," he said as he extended a hand to help Anders off the ground.

Anders and Oghren both followed Varel with Mhairi, leaving Elaine alone in the courtyard. She looked to the sky as Anders had, and fear replaced relief when she realized she may have just signed Anders' death sentence after all.

* * *

Elaine returned to her room some time later, only to discover Anders laying down on his back in her bed. "Are you lost?" she asked him as she closed the door behind her.

He smiled at her and propped himself up on his elbows. "You are brilliant, I had to tell you myself. The way you handled that Templar," he was clearly excited. "Did you see the look on her face when she realized she couldn't arrest me?"

Elaine didn't hide the frown as she pushed his legs over to sit on the bed beside him. "Anders, there's something you need to know," she began.

"Uh oh, I don't like the sound of that," he said, sitting up as he noticed the dark expression on her face.

"Normally it's forbidden to speak of, but I feel I owe it to you."

He leaned forward. "Alright, out with it."

She cleared her throat before speaking. "This ritual tomorrow, the Joining? It's going to change you forever. You should know what you're getting into before you do it."

Anders looked at her curiously. "Are you sharing Grey Warden secrets with me already? Isn't that frowned upon?"

Elaine nodded. "Since I'm the only Grey Warden here at the moment, I'll discipline myself later," she said trying to relieve some tension.

"I'd like to see that," Anders said seductively.

Elaine allowed a smile, but returned to the seriousness of the situation. "There's a chance you may not survive," she said bluntly, knowing no other way to tell him.

What surprised her was his reaction. "So instead of dying at the Templars hands I could die by drinking some blood? Ooohh, scary."

"I'm serious Anders," she insisted. "I witnessed it during my Joining; it happens with no warning. One minute you're alive, the next you're dead. There's no way of knowing who will survive and who won't."

"So you're telling me this because…."

"If you want to run, I'll understand. Go tonight, go now, while the guards are still in a weak rotation. I'll even help you."

"No," he said interrupting her. "I'm tired of running. And if there's a chance I'll get through this and be free from the Templars forever? I'll do it."

"Anders please," she pleaded with him. "There's also a chance you will die, and it would be my fault for forcing this upon you."

"Sweetheart," he said pressing a hand to her cheek. "You couldn't force me to do anything I didn't want to do. I appreciate your concern, but I'm okay with this."

She leaned into him and closed her eyes, fear still stirring within. While she hadn't been with him in a long time, Elaine always imagined a time when she and Anders would be reunited. He was the first man to ever make her feel truly alive, and she had spent their time apart searching for that feeling she'd only experienced when they were together. How one man affected her so strongly, from one night together, she didn't understand, but having him here now was almost unbearable. To think she could lose him again tomorrow…

"You're scrunching your brows again," Anders stated, observing the way she was lost in her thoughts. He pulled away from her and stood up. "I guess you should get some sleep, big day tomorrow."

Elaine almost panicked when he pulled away from her. She thought for certain he would stay the night, after their kiss earlier and the warning of his potential death. She turned to watch him move to the door, and her eyes did the pleading for her.

He smiled at her mischievously, and secured the lock. "You didn't really think I was leaving, did you?"

An overwhelming feeling of excitement ran through her body and into her core as she jumped up and ran to him. She threw her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a much needed kiss. He put his arms around her as well, and returned her passion, biting her lower lip as he lifted her and carried her to the bed. "Someone's become a bit more frisky," he said, raising an eyebrow at her as he sat with her on the bed.

Elaine wasted no time as she pulled her robe off and removed her underclothes. She practically tore Anders out of his, and he was a little taken aback by her abruptness. "You have no idea," she purred at him as his clothes fell to the floor and she pressed her naked body against his.

He leaned in to kiss her again, hands tunneling deep into her thick, silky hair. Her mouth opened for him, responding with hot passion. He took his time, savoring her taste and the feel of her. She leaned back onto the bed as she brought him down on top of her, lips meeting once more in heated pleasure. Their tongues entwined in an old familiar dance, and she could feel he was immediately aroused by her forcefulness. He allowed her a few moments of dominance as she held his head to hers, frantically kissing him as if her life depended on it. She moved to wrap her legs around his waist, but he pulled away.

"I think you've forgotten how our game is played," he said more darkly, pulling her to sit up. "You've been a bad girl while I've been away, haven't you?" he whispered in her ear, and she shuddered at his warm breath on her skin.

"Mhmmm," she moaned, as his strong hand moved from her throat to her stomach and back, yet avoiding her breasts, even though she pushed herself towards him.

He grabbed her hair and pulled her in close for more kisses as he continued to explore her skin with his other hand, avoiding all the sweet spots he knew would please her. Her tongue became wild against him, needing and taking what it could as the delicious taste of him brought back a flood of memories. She reached down between his legs and grabbed him, wanting so badly to stroke his hardness.

"I think I like this new you," he whispered as he allowed her to touch him. He tilted his head back, enjoying the feel of her hand between his legs, as she kissed down his neck and his chest. She moved toward him as if to take him into her mouth, and he immediately pulled her head back by the hair. "But I think that's enough of you being in control," he said, and he pulled her off of him completely. He pushed her down to the bed on her back, and gathered the belts from their robes. "This bed is much better for us, I think," Anders said as he began tying her wrists together above her head. She didn't realize what he was referring to until he began tying her ankles to the posts at the foot of the bed, leaving her legs spread open.

She turned her head to look at him, excitement running through her blood. Elaine had no idea what would happen next, and it thrilled her. He secured her wrists above her head to one of the poles on the headboard, leaving her completely helpless and vulnerable.

"Anders," she whispered desperately as he ran a finger down her chest, where he discovered several new scars since the last time they'd seen each other.

He smiled at her and brought his hand back up to her face where he held her chin in his grip."You'd be amazed at what a mage can do in the bedroom with no Templars around," he said as he released her and moved back down her chest. She looked at him curiously before realizing what he was about to do.

She felt the magic build within him as electricity escaped his fingertips and shot through her body. The tingling sensation that was sent through her felt like a static charge dancing along her skin. He moved to sit on top of her as both hands caressed her chest, energy flowing through them. He finally moved towards her breasts, and he increased the charge of magic to her nipples. They immediately became erect from the sensation, and Elaine closed her eyes and moaned as the vibrations snaked through her entire body.

"Do you like that?" he asked as she arched her back from pure pleasure.

She couldn't speak, only nodded in response as he continued to hover over her breasts, electrical sparks dancing from his fingertips. She squirmed beneath him, wanting to cry out at the new feelings she was experiencing.

"Just imagine what this feels like elsewhere," he said as he teased her skin, moving his hands further down her stomach. She lifted her hips toward him, her body begging for more. He withdrew his magic and slipped a hand her between her thighs, searching for the dampness that would reveal her pleasure. He was met with heat and liquid desire, and he smiled at her as he leaned down to kiss her nose. He began to gently rub her most sensitive place as she moved frantically against her restraints. Suddenly his mouth was on hers, while at the same time he released a charge of electricity directed onto the entrance of her core.

Anders felt the vibration of her moans against his tongue as he captured her sounds with his mouth, increasing the magic as her body reacted. He controlled the power of the spell as he combined it with slipping a finger deep inside her, and he immediately felt her orgasm shatter her. Her breathing had become erratic as her kisses became even more passionate, and he softened his touch as he rode out her orgasm with his magic.

He pulled away briefly, allowing her to catch her breath, and smiled at the helpless woman below him. It took her a few moments before she could open her eyes, but when she finally did so it was a look of both wonderment and amazement that she gave him. "Where in the Maker's name did you learn that?" she asked breathlessly.

He laughed softly as he got off the bed and moved toward her clothes.

She lifted her head to try and see what he was doing. "Anders?"

"I need something to cover your mouth," he said simply, pulling another rope from one of her robes. "I'm afraid the next one may be a little harder on you."

Elaine's eyes widened. "Uhm, what?"

Anders laughed at her. "You didn't think we were done, did you?" He returned to her and gently tied the rope around her mouth to muffle any moans and screams. "If this is my last night alive sweetheart, you and I are not going to sleep any time soon." Her eyes followed him as he moved to the foot of the bed, ogling her legs that were tied spread open. "Did you know that besides electricity, both cold and heat can be just as pleasurable if applied to the right...locations?"


	4. The Joining

Elaine walked the halls reciting the words in her mind. She had to memorize them, make sure they were perfect. This would be an important day in their lives, and she wanted to get it right. Alistair's voice still echoed in her head as he'd spoken the Joining ritual so long ago, and now filling his role was more difficult than she could have imagined. She was thankful Varel would be passing the cup to the recruits, certain her hands would shake and spill the viscous liquid everywhere.

No, the words were important enough. Her first duty as Warden Commander. She couldn't screw this up. Mhairi had dreamt of this day. Oghren had traveled a long way for it. And Anders, well, it was his only way to find some sort of freedom. Elaine also studied those words to avoid thinking of Anders. Of what today would mean, of what it could possibly bring. She wasn't certain of her feelings toward him, but she knew sadness would fill her heart should he not survive.

Varel walked towards her holding the jug and chalice, and it all became very real, very quickly. They entered the hall where the recruits waited and Elaine smiled at them. Anders seemed almost apprehensive. Oghren looked bored. And Mhairi's eyes were filled with wonderment and excitement, and even a hint of pride.

Elaine stood next to Varel in front of them, trying desperately to hide her fear.

Varel spoke first. "The time has come for us to begin the Joining. Elaine shall speak the words that have been said since the first." He nodded towards Elaine.

"Join us, brothers and sisters," she said solemnly. "Join us in the shadows where we stand, vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn." She looked up at Anders. "And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten, and that one day we shall join you." Elaine bowed her head, unable to bear watching the completion of the ritual.

Varel retrieved the goblet and presented it to Oghren. "From this moment forth, Oghren, you are a Grey Warden."

Oghren looked within the cup and appeared agitated. "What's this? The sampler size? Are you trying to say something about my height, eh?"

Varel seemed taken aback. "This is the goblet that has always been used, recovered from the ruins of Ostagar," he told Oghren.

"Really? Huh." He seemed unconvinced as he took a sip of the tainted mixture. And then in true Oghren fashion, he burped. "Hmm, not bad."

Varel sighed. "Maker help us all," he said to Elaine.

She giggled slightly, and shrugged her shoulders.

Varel refilled the goblet and presented it to Anders. "From this moment forth, Anders, you are a Grey Warden."

Anders looked at Varel in understanding. "So we need to drink darkspawn blood? That's it?"

Varel confirmed the rules for him. "That is it, yes."

"Well all right," Anders said looking at Elaine. "But if I wake up two weeks from now on a ship bound for Rivain, in nothing but my smallclothes and a tattoo on my forehead, I'm blaming you."

She smiled at him, and held her breath as he brought the cup to his lips. He tilted his head back, taking all of it at once as she had done, and handed the cup back to Varel. Immediately his eyes went white, he wobbled a little, and then hit the floor with a loud thud.

Elaine gasped, unable to control herself, as Varel knelt down to check on him. "He lives, Commander, and will awaken in time."

For a moment she thought she was going to pass out as well, and took a deep breath to regain her composure.

Varel concluded with Mhairi. "From this moment forth, Mhairi, you are a Grey Warden."

"I have long awaited this moment," she said full of pride, and then swallowed the contents of the goblet. She handed the cup back to Varel, and mere seconds later started to choke and gag. She fell to her knees, hand to her own throat, and took in her last breath before falling to the ground, dead.

"I am sorry, Mhairi," Varel said with his head down. "May the Maker watch over you now." He handed the cup to Elaine to return to the Grey Warden vaults in the Keep. "Poor Mhairi," he said as he called the guards to remove her body. "If you have a moment Commander, there's some business we must attend to in the grand hall."

"Of course," Elaine said, shaking hands with Oghren and welcoming him to their ranks. She would conclude whatever business that was necessary, but warned Varel they must proceed quickly, as she had preparations to make for Mhairi's funeral.

He promised her it would be a brief discussion, with only two advisors, after which the rest of the day would be her own.

* * *

She was told she didn't have to watch over him, but Elaine insisted Anders be brought to her room. He lay quietly, sleeping in her bed, and she gently ran her fingers through his long hair. He had been asleep for several hours, which made Elaine nervous since she wasn't certain how long these things should take. She had no memory of how long she was unconscious after her Joining, only that she was thankful familiar faces were there when she woke up from the horrible nightmare. Was he even dreaming now that the Archdemon was dead?

She was supposed to be some kind of Commander, yet Elaine found she had more questions than answers when it came to her new position. She wanted to curse Alistair for not teaching her, but remembered he also had known very little. Then she wanted to curse Duncan, but remembered it wasn't his fault he had died. She could blame Riordan, blame the Wardens at Ostagar, or the Wardens from Orlais, but no, they had all died thanks to the darkspawn. Anger was consuming her, and she wanted to hate someone, so she decided to channel her hate at the darkspawn. As soon as Anders awoke, she vowed to go on a little hunting trip.

Mhairi's death had upset her, but she refused to let anyone be aware of that fact. The only person Elaine had ever met who was eager to be a Warden, who wanted it more than anything, and she had died. If she'd had other aspirations in life, Mhairi would still be alive. She could've done anything, but the one thing she'd wanted had killed her before she could even begin. Another death to add to the long list of people Elaine had met and lost since leaving the Circle. Days like today she almost wished she were back there.

Anders stirred beneath her, and she gasped in surprise at the movement. He turned his head and looked up at her, smiling. "It appears I have died and gone to a place of beauty," he said groggily.

Elaine smiled back at him, silently thanking the Maker he had returned to her. "How's your head?" she asked as he tried to sit up. "You smacked it pretty good when you passed out."

"About that," Anders said placing his hand on his head and relieving himself of his headache. "You really should have people standing ready to catch us should it happen."

"I'm sorry," she said sweetly as she rubbed the spot where he had focused his magic.

"Well, if it leads to pretty women in my bed, I shall forgive all."

Elaine laughed. "You're in _my_ bed Anders."

He looked around, realizing she was correct. "And I still have my clothes on? What's wrong with you?"

She couldn't help but laugh again, and laid down on the bed with her head on his chest. "Mhairi didn't make it," she whispered then, allowing the grief and vulnerability to overcome her in their brief moment alone.

Anders felt the shift in her mood and rubbed her back. "I'm sorry," he said. "I thought for sure she'd survive."

"Me too," Elaine said, wiping the few tears that had fallen. "So much senseless death; it takes good people away from us."

Anders sighed. "An unfortunate part of life. It should've taken the dwarf; at least we'd still have ale in the Keep."

She had to laugh at that, and he smiled knowing he could break her from her brief depression. "I mean seriously, he enjoyed drinking darkspawn blood. There has to be something wrong with him!"

Elaine nodded, still giggling. "I'm very glad you survived Anders. This place would be dreadful without you."

"Oh, so _that's_ why you wanted me to be a Warden, to satisfy your boredom?" Anders began running his fingers through her hair now.

"To satisfy something, at least," Elaine flirted back.

"Ah well, we'll have to see what I can do to… satisfy you," he softly replied.

* * *

And so began Elaine's new post as Warden Commander, and Anders' new life as a Grey Warden. She was introduced to Captain Garevel, a high-ranking officer in the Grey Wardens, though not a Warden himself, and Mistress Woolsey, the treasurer for the Grey Wardens. Between them and Varel, Elaine and her companions were kept pretty busy with mundane and political tasks in and around the city.

Several other people she met during her travels had come with her to join the ranks of the Grey Wardens. Her first new companion was actually a prisoner left in the Keep's dungeons during the attack. Nathaniel Howe was captured trying to break into the Keep, which was originally his family's estate, but was given to the Wardens after the his father's betrayal. She convinced him that restoring his family name was a better option than becoming a murderer, like his father had, when Nathaniel had also informed Elaine he wanted to kill her. Anders and Oghren thought she was mad at first; not only for letting him live, but for letting him stay with her. Memories of how well things had turned out with Zevran helped her decide to give this rogue a chance. He accepted a place in the Wardens and survived the Joining.

Word spread to the Keep about several murders in the Wending Woods, and when the party set out to investigate, they discovered a Dalish mage named Velanna. Darkspawn had confused the mage's mind and convinced her that humans had kidnapped her sister. As a result, she was taking her revenge on every human she could find. When Velanna learned the darkspawn had actually kidnapped her sister, she agreed to join the Wardens and use their gift of sensing darkspawn as a means to find her sister. Elaine agreed under the condition that if her sister was found, her service to the Wardens would be repayment for allowing her to live after committing so many murders. She too survived the Joining.

Sigrun came to be a Warden for several reasons. As a member of the Legion of the Dead, she was no stranger to fighting darkspawn. The dwarf rogue was unfortunately the last survivor of her group, and had almost been taken by the darkspawn herself, until Elaine and the Wardens stumbled upon her at Knotwood Hills. She'd wanted to join the Wardens to enhance her skills as a member of the Legion, and Oghren wouldn't stop pestering Elaine until she agreed to let the dwarf attempt the Joining. Another success almost gave Elaine the hope that maybe all this death was finally coming to an end.

A search for a missing Warden would shatter that belief, however. Elaine, Anders, Oghren and Nathaniel set out to find Kristoff, a Warden that had been tracking down a lead on why the darkspawn remained active after the Blight had ended. They began in Amaranthine, and searched the Wardens room at the local Inn, only to find he had taken off for the Blackmarsh. A creepy, empty town surrounded by skeletal trees; the smell of death surrounded the place. Nathaniel said there was a hint of something supernatural in the air, and repeated old stories his father had once told him of Blackmarsh. Elaine and Anders both felt significant tears in the Veil, the barrier between the mortal realm and the Fade, so they proceed with caution.

Darkspawn corpses littered the ground, a sign that Kristoff had recently been there. But upon further exploration of the woods, they made the grim discovery of Kristoff's body. As they began to search the corpse and the surrounding area, darkspawn surround them, and they were transported through a tear in the Veil and into the Fade, where they met a spirit called Justice. The spirit informed them that The Baroness, who once ruled the Blackmarsh, had brought the entire village into the Fade with her when the townsfolk revolted against her authority. Justice intended to free them, and asked for the Wardens assistance. A difficult battle ensued, resulting in the Baroness expelling them back into the mortal realm, Justice included. With no body to inhabit - he was, after all, a spirit of the Fade - he ended up trapped in the corpse of Kristoff.

* * *

Elaine and Anders grew closer during their time traveling together and battling darkspawn. They'd often practice magic together, teaching each other new spells and ways to combine their powers to increase the damage they could cause. Once Velanna joined them, they taught each other as much as possible to enhance their skills against the darkspawn.

There were, of course, complications with their relationship; mostly Elaine's advisors kept telling her that as Commander she should not be having relations with someone under her command. While she agreed with them, she wasn't about to give up her happiness because someone, somewhere, didn't agree with her decisions. Anders was who she wanted, and what she needed. He fought by her side during the day, and allowed her the release she needed at night. She could never explain to their objectors why their relationship had to be, just demanded it be left alone. Eventually, the advisers remained silent, even after Anders moved into the Commanders room.

Anders remained very carefree with his new freedom. He especially enjoyed the novelty of traveling with important people and not being harassed by Templars. Sometimes he'd even dance taunting circles around them, and Elaine had to remind him that while they couldn't capture him openly, they could still try to kidnap him. He laughed at her and told her she was paranoid, and she didn't argue since she enjoyed seeing him happy. Their relationship remained heated and sexual, and for a time, it satisfied them both. It wasn't until they ran into an old flame of Anders that things got serious.

* * *

Elaine, Anders, Justice, and Nathaniel had traveled to Amaranthine to setup possible trade exchanges between the merchants there and the Keep. As they traveled the back roads of the market, an elven woman walked into their path.

"About time you showed up," she said, approaching Anders.

"Namaya? You're still here," he said in disbelief.

"I keep my promises," the elf said, implying something more. "Here, turns out you were right. The cache is here in Amaranthine." She handed him a piece of paper.

He read the note while questioning her. "It is? You found it?"

"I did," she said none too pleased. "What you do with the information is up to you. I, for one, am done dealing with mages."

Elaine cleared her throat behind him, but they both seemed to ignore her.

Anders seemed a bit taken aback by her comment, considering their history together. "I guess I should thank you…"

"Damned right you should. You get caught, Anders, I'm not helping you again. That's all I'm saying." Namaya turned to leave, and then stepped back to Elaine. "Be careful. Don't let him sweet talk you into his bed. He'll do nothing but take advantage of you."

Elaine lowered her gaze to the elf, standing defiant and showing her agitation. "It is _I_ who takes advantage of _him._ Now run along before _this_ mage gets really upset."

Namaya didn't say another word as she turned on her heels and left.

Anders shook his head. "I suppose that requires some explanation."

"Nah," Elaine said as she rolled her eyes. "Not at all, don't be silly!"

"I am fluent in sarcasm," he said giving her the eyes. "You can't fool me!"

Elaine stared at him and crossed her arms, waiting for his explanation.

"Namaya is… a friend. Last time I escaped from the Tower, I asked her to look into some things."

"Describe what kind of 'friend' she is to you Anders."

"My my, is the Warden Commander jealous?" he asked playfully.

Justice groaned behind them. "I fail to see the purpose of this discussion."

Elaine and Anders ignored him, and Nathaniel decided it was best to leave them alone. "Come Justice, let's see if we can find the weapon smith."

Justice looked at Nathaniel curiously. "My weapon is of fine make, I do not need another."

"I'm sure someone somewhere does," Nathaniel said, taking Justice by the arm and leading him away from the mages.

Anders sat on a nearby wooden fence. "Is this the part where we discuss our past lovers? I've been waiting for the juicy details of your time outside the Circle."

Elaine sighed, realizing she did sound like the jealous girlfriend. "No, I guess we don't have to go there. It's just…not every day we run into a past love."

Anders smiled at her. "She wasn't a love, necessarily, just a _lover_. Namaya escaped the Dalish when I stumbled into their camp. She came with me here."

Elaine thought on what he'd said. "So you two just slept together, nothing more? She seems jaded."

"Well, it wasn't my doing," Anders said. "Yes, we had sex, but it was just convenient. We were both on the run and alone together, it happens. Certainly you had experiences like that on your travels?"

Elaine thought about it. "I've been with others since you, yes, but my intentions were clear with all of them. That woman didn't seem to know she was 'convenient.'"

"Hmm," Anders said. "No, I suppose not."

"And what of me?" Elaine asked quietly. "Am I convenient as well?"

"Am _I_?" Anders studied her eyes for an answer. "You just told her that you're taking advantage of me. Is that true? Or is there more to it than that?"

Elaine shifted uncomfortably at the sudden line of questioning. It was a rare moment for the two of them, having a serious discussion, and even rarer that it was about their relationship. What had it been to her? Was it just sexual? He certainly filled the void she felt whenever they were apart, but what did that mean?

"I love it when your brows get all scrunchy like that," he said, distracting her thoughts. "It's clear you can't give me an answer, and that's fine. I'll go first." He stood up and filled the gap between them, placing his hand on her cheek. "Since the first moment I saw you, I felt something between us. I missed it when we were apart. I followed you the day you left with the Warden, to make sure you were alright. What that means, I don't exactly know. But I do know it's more than a convenience being with you."

Elaine felt the warmth of his skin on her face, and it seemed things were taking a new direction between them. She wasn't sure what it was, given this confession from him, but she offered a confession of her own. "I spent my time away from you trying to find someone that made me feel as you did," she said. She opened her pouch that contained her lyrium potions and removed the red ribbon necklace with his earring. "I wore this until the day we went after the Archdemon. I only took it off because I was afraid something would happen to it. I've kept it with me every day since you left it for me. I don't think that falls under convenience either."

Anders leaned in to kiss her then, finding her tongue with his own. It was different than any other time they had kissed, as there was a caring and longing there she hadn't felt before. She wrapped her arms around his neck and lost herself in the feel of him, the sweet taste of his mouth and the lingering scent of his closeness.

They stood there for some time until they were interrupted by Nathaniel, who gently reminded the Commander of where they were. Elaine was thankful Justice had remained silent at their display of affection.

"So," Elaine said trying to nonchalantly wipe her lips and put the earring securely away. "You said you were searching for a cache of some kind?"

Anders smiled at her, a new sparkle in his eye, as he explained, "During the Blight, the Templars moved their store of phylacteries to Amaranthine for safety. My phylactery is among them, Namaya learned. So long as the Templars have that sample of my blood, they can find me. I need to destroy it."

"But you're a Grey Warden now," Elaine said. "They should have no need to find you."

Anders rolled his eyes. "What's to stop the Chantry from deciding mages in the Grey Wardens are apostates, too? I want to be sure they can't ever find me again. _Ever_."

"What is this phylactery you speak of?" Justice asked, confused.

Elaine explained. "When a mage is captured or brought to the Circle, the Templars take a sample of your blood so they can track you down should you ever escape."

"You mean you were prisoners?" Justice asked.

Elaine nodded. "It's the way it is for us here in the mortal realm."

"They would lock you up because of an ability you were born with?"

Elaine laughed. "A lengthy discussion for another time Justice, but yes, basically."

"I see no justice in that," he muttered, and Elaine had to agree with him.


	5. Injustice by Templars

They followed the directions to the abandoned warehouse that was supposed to contain the phylacteries. Elaine allowed Nathaniel to go in first, checking for traps or anything suspicious. What turned out to actually be suspicious was the fact that there were no guards or Templars posted anywhere.

Elaine looked at Anders nervously as they entered the warehouse. The first room seemed like any ordinary storage facility; boxes and crates lined the floors and walls. What caused Elaine to be alarmed was the lack of dust in what should be a rarely visited location. As if this room was set up somehow, made to look like a warehouse, when in fact is was not. It had to be the work of the Templars, she was sure.

"No guards," Anders noticed, as well. "Maybe they don't want to draw attention to the cache? Could we be that lucky?"

As they walked further into the warehouse toward the room Namaya had indicated, the trap was sprung. Several well-armed Templars came out of hiding from behind the tall crates that lined the walls. Rylock, the Templar who had accompanied the Queen on her visit to Vigil's Keep, had indeed set a trap. "And here I almost believed the infamous Anders wouldn't take the bait."

Anders grumbled, "Ah yes, I suppose I should have known it would be you."

Rylock addressed Elaine. "You made a poor choice in a companion, Commander. Anders will never submit, not to us and not to you."

"So this was a lure then?" Elaine asked. "Nothing more?"

Rylock laughed. "Oh, the phylacteries were here once. I knew Anders would never be able to resist."

Anders smiled at Rylock. "Oh, the way you flatter me!"

But she wasn't moved. She addressed Elaine again. "I'll make sure that this murderer is never a bother to anyone again."

Anders became annoyed. "What? No, you can't arrest me! Queen Anora allowed my conscription!"

Rylock didn't back down. "The Chantry's authority supersedes the crown in this matter. You cannot hide within the Grey Wardens ranks."

Elaine moved closer to Rylock. "No, you can not have him. And you're playing a dangerous game interfering with the politics of the Grey Wardens and the Queen of Ferelden."

"Hardly surprising you'd defend him," Rylock sneered. "The Grey Wardens have ever been a haven for criminals and maleficar." She addressed Anders once more. "I do not know how you inspired such loyalty Anders, but it will avail you naught. You come with us. Now!"

"Looks like we're in for a battle," Nathaniel stated, readying his bow.

Justice took on several Templars at once, waving his sword around and smashing whatever crossed his path. Nathaniel remained at a distance, trying to find a good target on the Templars, as their heavy plate mail made it difficult for the arrows to penetrate. Anders and Elaine cast multiple spells at their attackers, most of which were dispelled by others they couldn't see. Metal clashed with metal, energy and magic filled the air, and for several minutes there was only chaos and commotion.

As Elaine prepared a spell to freeze several of the Templars in place, she was grabbed by the arm and slammed into the hard wall. Her attacker immediately hit her with a wave of energy, which incapacitated her magic. His gloved hand slammed over the bottom of her face, covering her mouth.

"My my, doesn't this feel familiar," he said, sniffing her hair like some rabid animal.

Elaine froze at the sound of that voice in her ear. She knew that sneering, condescending tone, knew the scent of that leather glove under her nose, and she felt her knees go weak beneath her. All sounds faded around her as in her mind, she was suddenly back in the Circle, only thirteen years old.

* * *

_Ser Alrik walked behind her as he escorted her to the stockroom. It was her birthday, and Alrik informed her that the Templars had_ _all pitched in and bought her a surprise gift. Elaine was excited; she had never really celebrated her birthday since coming to the Circle, but Alrik promised_ _it was going to be a day she would never forget._

 _When they reached their destination, Elaine saw there was another_ _mage seated in a chair in the middle of the room. Elaine looked at the woman curiously, as Alrik quietly shut the door behind them. He locked the latch at the top of the door, close to the ceiling; easy for him to reach, but_ _impossible for Elaine._

_Alrik walked over to the seated mage, who hadn't moved or said a word since they'd entered._

_"Have you two met?" he asked Elaine._

_Elaine_ _shook her head, wondering what this woman had to do with her birthday present._

_"This, my dear, is your future. My gift to you, a glimpse at life to come." Alrik seemed pleased, as if this was something she should be happy about._

_The woman looked up at Elaine with a dead stare. There was_ _no life in her eyes, no emotion on her face._

_"She is what we call Tranquil," Alrik continued. "Cut off from the Fade and the source of her magic."_

_Elaine began to question why she was really brought here, and fear crept up her spine in shivering waves._ _"I...I don't understand..." she said quietly._

_"Watch, I'll show you," Alrik said almost pleasantly._

_With a swift motion, he punched the tranquil mage across the face, causing blood to spew_ _from her mouth. Alrik smiled at Elaine, who jumped back in surprise._

_"I can do that to her all day, and she doesn't care. She can't care. I've no doubt it's painful, but she won't hold a grudge." He was still smiling, but it did not reach his eyes - hungry, calculating eyes, as cold as a winter's frost._

_He walked toward Elaine and she backed away from him. "Now you, on the other hand, I will enjoy the terror in your eyes as_ _I give you your gift."_

 _Elaine tried to run from him, but he was stronger and much more powerful. As he threw her against the wall, Elaine cried out to the tranquil mage for help, but_ _Alrik put his hand over her mouth and silenced her._ _The tranquil mage said and did nothing, just looked off into the distance as Elaine struggled to get free._

 _"Yes, fight me, it's so much better when you fight," he said with an evil grin as he twisted her arm back behind her._ _She screamed from the_ _pain his hand caused as he viciously twisted it, and_ _nearly broke her arm. Alrik snapped his fingers at the tranquil mage, who immediately came over to him._

 _"Secure this one," he ordered_ _the mage, and she complied, grabbing Elaine's arms and holding them tightly_ _behind her._

 _He kept a hand over Elaine's mouth as he reached_ _down and lifted her robes until they were bunched at_ _her waist. Next, he_ _removed her undergarments with a swift tug, ripping the fabric away from her skin. Still gloved, his hand snaked between her legs and began to touch her._

 _"You were brought here young, were you not?" he asked her as he fondled_ _her most private place._

_She nodded, tears falling freely as she looked away, trying to move but unable to get free of the tranquil's grasp._

_"I bet you've never been touched here, have you?" he asked as he glared at her, forcing her to look at him. "You're a ripe little thing then aren't you?" With no warning, he was suddenly penetrating her with a gloved finger._

_She cried out again beneath his hand, and he laughed. "The tranquil are no fun anymore to play with, they take whatever I give them_ _without a sound. I prefer a little struggle," he told her._

 _He withdrew one finger and shoved in two, hard, and Elaine cried out again. He forced the two fingers in and out of her, stretching her, the raw feel of his leather gloves creating a painful friction. She tried to move and couldn't, each movement met by the strength of the woman holding her, and Alrik pressed_ _against her._

 _He removed his hand from_ _between her legs and brought it up under her robe to her breasts. He pinched each nipple, hard, and she screamed again. Her tears continued to stream down her face,_ _and now she was nearly_ _hysterical. Alrik's smile widened as he watched her trying to_ _resist him, and he_ _immediately began removing his pants with his free hand._

 _Elaine could do nothing, being held by the force of both_ _Templar and mage, as she felt Alrik press himself_ _against her now, flesh to her flesh. She tried to shake her head, eyes pleading for him to stop, but Alrik motioned to the tranquil mage and Elaine was thrown to the floor. The mage pinned her arms down as Alrik got on top of Elaine and again_ _covered her mouth with his hand. He forced_ _her legs open with his knee, and with a rapid thrust, he entered her, tearing her, breaking her, as he painfully_ _pushed_ _upwards inside her._

_More powerful thrusts, more soft muffled cries, and he whispered in her ear, "You are the tightest I've had in a long time." Grunts and groans, sweat that dripped onto her face, and finally his body jolted forward as he emptied himself into her. She felt the warm liquid within her and on her inner thigh as he pulled out, and then he wiped his spent cock on the inside of her robes._

_He released his hold on her and Elaine made no sound, trying to steady herself on the ground again, as he and the tranquil pulled_ _her back to_ _her feet._

_"You will of course tell no one of this," Alrik said removing his gloves. "I will leave first, the tranquil will see you to a bath shortly after. Return to your room and forget this happened. Say anything to anyone, and I won't be so nice next time, or alone." He kissed her on the cheek before he left. "Oh, and Happy Birthday."_

* * *

She'd lost all thought of her magic or combat skills as Alrik pressed up against her. The battle around her came back into view; Templars falling to the ground, the sight of her companions triumph.

"Elaine!" she heard Anders exclaim, snapping her out of her flashback.

Anders sent a jolt of electricity toward the Templar, who stumbled off Elaine and into the nearby wall. Alrik surveyed the damage quickly, and after seeing his companions dead, began to retreat. He glared at Anders. "Another day _mage_ ," he spat as he turned and ran out of the warehouse. Anders moved toward Elaine, immediately looking for any sign of injury. "Are you hurt?" he asked as he searched her eyes.

She shook her head and looked around at the dead Templars. She knelt down next to Rylock to see if she was still alive, but the Templar was dead.

Anders stood behind her. "Hmm, I wonder if Namaya knew about this? I guess it doesn't really matter." Elaine checked the rest of the bodies to discover they had all perished in the fight. "Thank you," Anders said to her. "You stood by me, and I appreciate that."

She shrugged. "I never liked Templars much. But I wish we'd killed Alrik before he fled."

Anders looked at her curiously. "Alrik? Wasn't he at the Circle?"

She nodded but said nothing.

"What was that between you anyway?" Anders pressed.

Elaine looked away. "It doesn't matter. Let's get out of here in case he called for backup."

* * *

She remained quiet on the way back to the Keep, trying to ignore the conversation between Justice and Anders. Justice was upset about what had taken place with the Templars, and didn't understand why Anders had such a casual attitude about it.

"I understand that you struggle against your oppression, mage," Justice began.

Anders laughed. "I avoid my oppression, that's not quite the same thing is it."

Justice wasn't the joking sort and pressed on. "Why do you not strike a blow against your oppressors, ensure they can do this to no one else?"

In his ever sarcastic way, Anders replied, "because it sounds difficult?"

Justice remained defiant. "Apathy is a weakness."

"So is death," Anders stated. "I'm just sayin'."

Justice kept at him. "I believe that you have a responsibility to your fellow mages. You have seen oppression and you are now free. You must act to free those that remain oppressed."

"Or I could mind my business in case the Chantry comes knocking. Did you not just endure the same battle I did? I'm hardly free, and I doubt Rylock will be the last to try and recapture me."

Justice frowned, "But this is not right, you have an obligation!"

Anders shrugged, "Yes, well, welcome to the world, Spirit. I don't know how things work in the Fade, but here? You keep your head down and your rebellions to yourself."

"Someone should do something," Justice muttered, clearly not understanding why one man couldn't change the world.

Elaine had never heard Justice speak so much on one subject, and his perspective on the mages and Templars made her curious. What would happen if the mages fought back, she wondered.

* * *

He had spent over an hour trying to find her. He checked the entire Keep: the kitchen, each home and shed on the grounds, the roof, the larder, the armory, her room, and the throne room. The last place he expected to find her was in the dungeons, but there she was, sitting at the guards desk with a stack of paper and discarded trash around her.

"Are you hiding from me?" Anders said as he sat down at the chair next to the guard's desk.

Elaine smiled at him. "No, not you in particular, just hiding in general." She waved at the desk of discarded, crumpled sheets of paper. "I've been trying to write to Alistair to fill him in on what happened, but how does one write 'I may have started a war with the Templars and the Chantry' in code?"

Anders laughed. "You Wardens should come up with a code for just this very reason. Why not ask him to come here and then tell him in person?"

Elaine sighed in frustration. "I don't know, that may fall into the whole awkward 'ex lover' thing we've already dealt with today."

"Well there's your answer. We've already dealt with it. And it's only fair I have to deal with one of your exes. Besides, I'm curious what he looks like."

Elaine giggled. "His looks? I could draw you a picture, save your curiosity and my uneasiness at having to be in the same room as him again."

"That bad of a break up eh?"

Elaine ignored the question, scribbling some more on the page in front of her. Finally she responded with, "if circumstances were different, it would've worked between us."

Anders set his elbows on the desk and rested his face in his hands. "Do tell," he asked curiously.

She shook her head. "Let's just say we weren't compatible in the bedroom."

Anders looked surprised. "Really? How is that possible? You are an amazing lover," he purred.

Another day she may have been flattered, but after seeing Alrik today, images continued to flash in her mind of her past. "Like I told Alistair, I'm damaged Anders. My needs and desires aren't normal, certainly aren't natural. He couldn't give me what I wanted because it's not a normal thing to want."

Anders sat back in his chair. "She says to the man she's currently sleeping with."

She sighed, not wanting to get into this discussion with him. "You asked, I told you, can't we leave it at that?"

"You tell me the amazing sex we have isn't normal or natural and I'm supposed to leave it alone?"

"Anders, please…" she begged for the conversation to end, but she could see he was hurt by what she had said.

He stood up to leave, and she stood as well, grabbing his arm to stop him. "Don't go," she pleaded as he removed her hand from his arm.

"Finish your letter," he said as he walked out of the dungeon.

Elaine sat back down, took in a deep breath, and let the tears fall as they smeared the ink on the pages beneath her.


	6. Merging Confessions

Anders had avoided her for several days since the episode in the dungeon. He had left with Justice in the early mornings to go to Amaranthine and returned late in the evening. Elaine had her own battles to contend with; taking the others to fight darkspawn that kept entering the area, or to handle the endless political nonsense that was thrown her way.

She had heard from Nathaniel that Justice and Anders were meeting with Kristoff's widow, trying to figure out ways to get his body back to her to provide her with closure. Elaine tried not to let it bother her that they hadn't come to her with the dilemma, but she knew she had hurt Anders, so she wanted to give him some space. It wasn't until Justice came to her office one night that she found out the extent of his growing friendship with Anders.

"Commander, may I speak to you for a moment?" he had asked when she looked up from her ever growing stack of paperwork.

"Of course Justice. Please, have a seat." Elaine hated to admit it, but Justice was becoming difficult to interact with; the body he inhabited was deteriorating as any normal corpse would. She shifted uncomfortably as he looked at her to speak, his eyes sinking further into his skull.

"I understand there is to be war soon between us and this _broodmother_ ," Justice began.

Elaine nodded. "It seems that way, given all the information we've gathered. She's continued to throw her Disciples at me and I've destroyed them, so it's only a matter of time, I fear, before she herself attacks."

Justice agreed. "I have heard we are aware of her location, and I question why we are not going after her ourselves."

"It's not that simple," Elaine said. "Look around Justice; we don't exactly have the manpower to go into her lair and confront her. We would be leaving the Keep and the city wide open for an attack should I launch an assault on her now. I have sent word to Denerim. Once the other Wardens come, then we will go after her."

Justice thought on this a moment. "This one I occupy has many battle plans within his memories. I would appreciate being given input into strategy when the time comes."

"Of course Justice, I will seek the input of everyone here before making any decision."

Justice seemed to approve of this statement, and then changed the subject. "There is another matter I wish to discuss with you."

Elaine sat back. "I'm all ears Justice. What's on your mind?"

"This body is… not preserving as well as we had thought it might," he began.

Elaine shook her head. "No, it seems not. How long can you survive as you are now?"

Justice obviously didn't know. "I imagine I could remain within forever, until there is nothing but muscle and bone. But I do not wish others to continue to suffer. I know my appearance is offensive, and this one's wife deserves to bury her husband."

Elaine spoke honestly. "I am aware you and Anders have visited her. I admit I was a bit hurt I wasn't included in this sooner."

An odd sight to see a half corpse half spirit look apologetic, but it was there on his face. "I did wish to include you sooner Commander. It was Anders who had difficulty coming to you."

Elaine sighed. "Yes, well, he has done a great job avoiding me."

"May I speak openly Commander?"

"Of course Justice, I wish it no other way."

"I do not understand relationships between humans, as they seem more a distraction than productive. Yet I have spent a considerable amount of time with Anders and consider him a friend, which in itself is a relationship, is it not?"

Elaine smiled. "It is Justice. Friendships are important relationships as well. I'm glad you understand that."

"I am beginning to. As his friend I also see that he is confused about whatever has transpired between you two."

"It's a misunderstanding Justice, nothing more. I care for Anders a great deal and very much dislike this distance between us right now, but he is confused because he hasn't sought answers from me."

Justice took a moment to comprehend what she was saying. "Then he is being a fool coming to conclusions without facts?"

Elaine laughed. "Exactly. See, you're beginning to understand humans better than you think."

"I understand I do not wish to die," he said suddenly, shocking Elaine. "I have enjoyed my time among humans and do not wish it to end."

"Do you think you'll die? I always thought you'd return to the Fade."

"I do not feel that connection as I once did," he explained. "I believe I simply may no longer exist should something happen. I have spoken with Anders about this, and he has a theory."

Elaine didn't like the sound of this. "A theory? What kind of theory?"

"He believes I may be able to leave this body and inhabit another, living host."

Elaine disagreed. "You inhabit a corpse now Justice, the body of one that has already moved on. If you join with a living host, what happens to that person? They are still alive, I don't see how that would work."

"We believe my spirit would remain within that person, but I would not be as I am now. I would exist within them but not control them."

Elaine shook her head. "Isn't that the same way demons possess mages?"

Justice stood up angry. "I am no _demon_ ," he yelled at her.

Elaine took his hand in hers. "I didn't say you were Justice, calm down, please." He instantly calmed at her words and sat back down, apologizing for his outburst. "When a demon possesses a mage, it is gains complete control, and is able to force him or her to do things they wouldn't normally do," Elaine explained. "Would you not also have that ability?"

"I would not wish to control anyone. I only wish to remain in this realm."

"Of course you'd have to find a willing host as well," Elaine thought out loud. "There's so many unknown factors to this. I admit it's a nice idea to think you'd remain with us, but we'd have to do some research first, make sure it could even be done."

Justice studied her. "You would help in this?"

Elaine looked surprised. "Why wouldn't I? I would like to think we are friends, as well Justice. I would do whatever was in my power to do in order to help you."

"I am thankful to hear that," he said. "Because I have a willing host, and I do not wish any harm to come to him should we join. I would like to try soon, to bring this body to Aura so she may move on."

Elaine questioned him. "You have found a volunteer to take you in? Who?"

* * *

"Have you _completely_ lost your mind?" Elaine yelled barging into Anders room.

He looked up from the journal he was writing in and saw the anger on her face. He closed the book with a heavy sigh. "I take it Justice has spoken to you?"

Elaine began to pace. "He spoke to me. He told me an incredible story about joining with a willing host, someone who will rescue him from the rotting corpse he's in. Imagine my surprise when he told me who it was." Her face was red, frustration building within. "Is this because of me? Did I upset you so much that you'd risk something like this just to get away from me?" The tears came next, as an unexplained sadness overwhelmed her. "Why Anders? Please tell me why you would do this?"

Anders stood up and held her to stop her from moving. "Elaine, calm down, I have done nothing yet." He took her hand and led her to the bed, wiping the tears from her face. "This isn't about you," he tried to explain. "It's about helping a friend, finally doing something for someone other than myself."

She shook her head. "You can't do this. It will change you, it will change everything!"

"I didn't think you cared," he said suddenly, with a bit more anger than he'd meant to.

Elaine felt as if he'd slapped her. His words stung, and the once always strong Warden Commander broke down.

Anders didn't know what to do for her except hold her. He put his arms around her and let her cry against his chest for what seemed like a lifetime, her pain destroying him inside. He knew she cared, he knew he shouldn't have suggested otherwise, but he reminded himself he was still hurt after their last conversation. "The last time we spoke," Anders said quietly, "you implied us, together, wasn't normal or even natural. What am I supposed to take away from that?"

The pain in his voice crushed her heart, and she knew she had to tell him. For the first time since it happened, she finally admitted it to herself and another. She looked up at him, eyes full of sorrow and pain, suffering and loss. "Alrik raped me," she whispered the words, then put her head down again in shame.

Anders was shocked, not expecting this confession from her. He stroked her hair as she continued to cry but could find no words to comfort her. His own body trembled with emotion, sadness for her, hatred toward the Templar, realization as he remembered the look on her face in the warehouse when Alrik held her against the wall. He knew these things happened in the Tower but it was never spoken of, and this was the first time that anyone had ever admitted it to him. The woman he could now say he loved, hurt by something like this, and he had no idea what to do for her.

"He will pay for this," Anders said holding her tightly, wishing he could take this pain from her. He replayed their last conversation in his mind, and now it all made sense. She felt she was damaged because of what Alrik had done. She felt it was wrong to enjoy the intimacy they shared because it was unconventional and sometimes forceful. He didn't know the details of what she had been through, yet she enjoyed a similar scenario when they were together; bondage, pain, torture, suffering. He could now understand why she thought she was damaged. He began to form a plan to prove to her otherwise, and help her to see how wrong she was about herself.

He would see to it that she never felt damaged again. And he would also see to it that Alrik never touch another mage.


	7. Confronting Hatred

Anders walked into the Commander's office and found her in her usual position; desk a mess of paperwork, her staff casually leaning against the wall, fruits in a bowl she nibbled on throughout the day, and the look of frustration in her eyes.

Attacks by the warring darkspawn were becoming more frequent, and they spent most of their nights now on patrol making sure the local farms and nobles estates around Amaranthine were safe. There was little time for talk or even intimacy as the nights bled into days and the battles came one after the other.

Repairs on the Keep were almost complete, the constant banging of stone echoing throughout the halls. It had become worse as the they neared completion; dust filled the rooms and settled on everything. With the Keep in construction chaos and the town filled with the enemies, it seemed they would never rest again.

Anders took it upon himself to make sure Elaine escaped for a little while. He held out his hand to her, which she took with a curious glance, and he led her out of her office and through the main hall. At the sight of her, Seneschal Varel began, "Oh good, Commander…" but Anders refused to let her stop, practically dragging her through the hall.

"The Warden-Commander is going out Seneschal, and will not be back until tomorrow," Anders informed him as they reached the front door.

"But Commander," Varel tried to argue as Anders opened the door and pushed Elaine through.

" _Tomorrow_ , Varel" Anders said again as he closed the door behind him.

He took Elaine's hand again and they descended the stairs, walked through the front grounds, and out the gates.

"Where are we going Anders?" Elaine asked as they headed in a direction unfamiliar to her.

"To have some peace and quiet for a change," Anders said as they continued walking. "I will tell you nothing more, so don't bother to ask."

She smiled at this, not knowing where they were headed but thankful to be away from the chaos in the Keep. The sun warmed the air and the wind was refreshing on her face as she felt them get closer to the water. Anders led her south into the rich hills that surrounded the Hafter River, and they came upon a very large castle set into the trees.

Elaine gasped at the beauty of the area. Violet and yellow flowers trailed the stone walk to the castle's entrance, white and red roses adorned either side of the great doors. There were stone benches on either side of them and posts where she imagined guards should be in a place such as this. But there were no guards, and the castle held no activity save for the birds chirping in the overhead trees.

"Anders, what is this place?" she asked, whispering as if they'd get caught.

"This my dear, could be your new home," he said, opening the large front door and gesturing for her to walk inside.

Her breath was stolen from her yet again when she entered into the magnificent beauty of the main hall. Marble floors beneath her feet reflected the sun from the glass ceiling above them. Lavish furniture of velvet make lined the walls, clearly from some foreign and exotic places. Anders kicked his shoes off and told her to do the same, and the cold stone under her feet made her giggle. She stomped around a bit like a silly child, listening to the echo of her feet against the marble, and then looked at Anders with fascination shimmering in her eyes. "Really Anders, who's going arrive and attack us any minute for trespassing here?"

He smiled at her and leaned down to kiss her nose. "Welcome to the former estate of Bann Esmerelle. Due to her untimely tragic death caused by a conspiracy to kill the beautiful Warden-Commander, her castle and its lands are now property of the Grey Wardens."

Elaine smiled as she looked around the large room, hallways in every direction, and the huge staircase in front of them. "This is ours?"

"This is _yours,_ " he whispered as he squeezed her hand. "In your line of work you deserve to live somewhere as beautiful as you are."

She blushed at the compliment and took a moment to fully appreciate where she was. "I'm surprised none of the locals have come to loot the place yet."

Anders pulled her toward the stairs as they spoke. "There are guards that patrol the road leading here," he stated. "Although your guards are spread pretty thin, I may have asked for a few to keep an eye on the place for you."

She couldn't help the smile that remained on her face as they wandered the long staircase to the second floor. Large tapestries hung on the walls, unlit candles placed sporadically for evening use, and soft, plush carpeting lined the halls that they walked along barefoot. Anders continued to lead her down the hallway of the east wing; stone walls gave way to glass windows overlooking the woods and the river. They took a moment to enjoy the view, the sunlight kissing the tops of trees and nothing but green for many miles around them. In the distance she could see the Keep, which she pointed out to Anders, and he smiled at her as she stared in awe.

"I used to dream this is what a window in the Tower would reveal," she said as she took in the landscape. "Trees with a flowing river between them, sunlight streaming in and bouncing off the floors. This is an imagined dream turned reality."

"You deserve it, love," he said wrapping his arms around her as he pressed her back into his chest. She wrapped her hands around his arms and leaned against him as they gazed out into the world. A land filled with chaos and darkspawn, but none of its taint could be felt from up here.

"It's perfect," she whispered, now closing her eyes and enjoying the feel of his arms around her. She felt him rest his head on hers and knew he was no longer looking out the window, either. They stood there, lost in the moment together in such a beautiful setting, taking comfort in knowing that when they opened their eyes it would still be there.

Anders broke the silence a few minutes later. "Come, your surprise awaits," he said as he removed his arms from around her and grabbed her hand again. "I hope you like it," he said shyly as they approached the large door at the end of the hall.

She looked up at him before opening the door, curious eyes wondering what he was up to. She pushed the large wooden door open and stepped into the grand bedroom. Directly opposite the door on the far wall was a stone fireplace that had a cheerful fire already burning. The floor in front of them was white marble with a beautiful red velvet rug and red pillows near the fireplace.

To the right was a stone alcove with two windows and a large bed covered in yellow silk linens and white and yellow pillows. A blanket made of animal fur hung loosely on the side. Around the bed were floor to ceiling mirrors, reflecting the light of the sun into the large room, and Elaine blushed as she thought of being able to watch herself make love to Anders.

A table to the left of the fireplace had several glass bowls containing fruits and berries, nuts and grains. A sideboard held different types of cheeses and small pieces of meat. Two large pitchers of water and several bottles of wine sat next to four crystal glasses that projected rainbows on the walls from the suns rays.

Entering the room revealed the extended room to the left of them which had a large white tub big enough for two, or even three, and a large pulley and bucket to gather water from the main floor well. A rug made of some type of fur was in front of the tub, and several large towels hung on the walls.

Above the bed and the tub, the ceiling was made of glass; the sunlight shining through danced with the movement of trees that touched it. Elaine couldn't help but wonder what a beautiful sight it would be at night, with the moon and the stars above her.

It was clear to her that Anders had already been here, preparing the food and the fire and the tub was already filled of water. She turned to him and hugged him, burying her face in his chest as she ran her hands down his back.

"Thank you," she muffled into him as he put his arms around her as well, folding his hands behind her back. She looked up at him and smiled. "This is beyond anything that anyone has ever done for me."

"There is no one who deserves it more," he said kissing the top of her head, tickling his nose with her hair.

He made a quick maneuver and lifted her up, holding her back with one arm and her legs with another. She swung her arms around his neck. "Anders, what are you doing?"

"Carrying you to the bath of course," he said moving towards the tub.

She leaned her head back and laughed, kicking her feet in mock protest as he made his way across the large room to the bathtub. He set her on her feet and placed his hands over the water, allowing his magic to warm it. Elaine began removing her robes as he poured some oils into the water, and the sweet smell of lavender filled the room. He helped her out of her clothes, kissing her shoulder as her robes dropped to the floor, and untied the ribbon that held her hair. Anders held out his hand for her to hold as she stepped into the tub. He left her only briefly to bring a bowl of fruit closer, and then quickly removed his clothes and joined her in the warm water.

* * *

They spent the better part of the morning in the large tub, feeding each other fruits and washing each other thoroughly. They kept the water warm with their magic, relaxing into the warmth and rare contentment they felt in these surroundings. Elaine leaned back into him as she reclined between his legs, staring off into the endless sky above them, lost in the feel of his fingers sliding up and down her arm.

"I never want to leave," she said sighing, leaning her head back to look at him upside-down.

"You'll have to leave soon," he warned, holding up her hands. "You're turning into an old woman with these wrinkles!"

She splashed him with some water as she laughed, but knew he was right as she began to maneuver away from him. He got out first, extending a hand to her to help her. She shivered as the cold air hit her wet body and Anders grabbed a large towel and wrapped her up in it. He took one for himself and wrapped it around his waist, and they moved toward the fireplace to sit on the floor to warm up and dry off.

"Can you imagine living like this your entire life?" Elaine wondered out loud to him. "Not a care in the world, just relaxing and being at peace."

"Oh I don't know," he said rubbing her arms through the towel to warm her. "I suppose people like us would be bored after a while."

"People like us?" she inquired looking back at him for a moment. "What exactly are we like?"

"Fierce adventurers," he said narrowing his eyes at her looking completely serious. Her laughter filled the room as her soft eyes met his. "Or you know, a wanted apostate and a Grey Warden-Commander."

"Pft, details," she said turning away from him to look into the fire again. "Besides, you're not wanted anymore, well, except by me," she said flirtatiously.

"Is that so?" he asked leaning into her to smell the sweet scent of her skin after the bath.

"I think you _know_ that's so," Elaine stated as she leaned forward to get closer to the fire. He began rubbing her back as she continued. "I have never felt like this toward anyone, Anders." He remained silent allowing her to gather the thoughts in her head. "It's like… it's always been you. Since the first night we were together, I spent so much time trying to find that feeling again - the way I felt when I was with you." A long pause, and then finally the admission. "It frightens me," she whispered.

He stopped rubbing her back then and re-positioned himself to sit facing her. "What frightens you, love?" he asked, holding her hands as he leaned forward.

Elaine tried to put into words how she was feeling inside. "I don't really know," she said honestly. "That I may lose you? That I'm not completely whole because of what's happened in my past and that will somehow hurt us? That you may run away again…"

He didn't let her finish as he closed the gap between them and pressed his mouth to hers. He moved his tongue along her bottom lip and then took her top lip between his and gently kissed her. Bringing his hand under her chin, he addressed her concerns. "First, you will not lose me." Another kiss. "Second, I will not allow your past to hurt us or you _ever_ again." He brought both hands to her cheeks. "And third, I am not going anywhere." He finished his statement with a final kiss before pulling away from her and sitting up straight, taking her hands in his once more.

He stood up and pulled her up with him and walked towards the bed. He positioned himself behind her in front of one of the large mirrors and allowed her to examine their reflection. Her small frame was in front of his and she watched as he removed the towel that hid her body. As it dropped to the floor, he spoke to her reflection. "What do you see when you look into that mirror?" he asked her.

Elaine took a long look at herself in front of him. She saw a scared little girl, frightened and broken over what had happened to her at the hands of Alrik. She saw guilt, shame, distrust, in her own reflection, and she looked away.

Anders brought a hand out in front of her and forced her to continue to look. "Don't look away love," he begged. "You must confront her." He asked her again. "What do you see?"

She hesitated at the difficult question, but answered him. "I see someone who couldn't defend herself. Someone who allowed herself to be hurt." Tears formed in her eyes, and they fell in the reflection.

"Go on," he encouraged behind her as he moved them closer to the mirror.

"I see weakness," Elaine continued.

"What else?" he gently prodded, waiting for the truth to finally come out.

"Hate," she said finally. The tears dried to anger. "I _hate_ her," she said again as if confronting someone else in the mirror.

Anders wrapped his arms around her naked body, and looked at her in the mirror as she looked at herself. "Do you know what I see?"

Her reflection looked at his and she shook her head, having no idea what he really thought.

Anders smiled at her. "I see the young defiant girl I met when I was locked in a cell. She had courage enough to break the rules and feed her curiosity. I see the strength of a mage who endured the Harrowing, with the mental fortitude to fight off any and all demons that attempted to manipulate her." He brought her in closer, allowing her to lean against him as he continued to speak. "I see the woman I made love to before my final escape from the Tower, the one so beautiful it caused me to pause and take in the sight of her as she slept, stealing a moment even if it meant being caught again."

He turned her around so he could look into her eyes. "I see a powerful Grey Warden who gathered armies across Ferelden and defeated an Archdemon. Slaughterer of thousands of darkspawn, a hero to all she saved, myself included." Now he had tears in his eyes, and she felt herself weaken under his words. "I see my reason for living, for breathing every day. You are not that little girl anymore. You are not weak nor defenseless. You didn't _allow_ anything to happen, and you certainly don't deserve anyone's hate, especially your own."

He turned her back around to look in the mirror again. "See yourself as I see you, as Ferelden sees you. A mighty warrior who lets nothing stand in her way, who has survived numerous battles with anything and everything. Someone who is stronger than she gives herself credit for... Elaine... Look at the woman I am hopelessly in love with."

Elaine stared at herself once more, and then towards the reflection of Anders in the mirror. His eyes were filled with love, admiration, adoration, and joy as he looked upon her naked form. Her gaze drifted from him to herself again, and she let his words repeat in her mind. She was only a child, and she _had_ come a long way. She didn't deserve what happened to her, but she hadn't let it hold her back from making a difference in this world. He was right, she was a hero to many, and had done a lot of good things along the way that impacted so many different people.

Anders saw the slight change in her expression and continued. "You are _not_ damaged, nor broken. And us together has never been unnatural. It is our mutual desire of being strong, being in charge, in control. We would not enjoy it if we did not trust each other; you would never allow it if you did not trust me. So trust me now, Elaine, when I tell you that whatever happened to you as a child was _not_ your fault. Let go of that guilt and be whole again. Love yourself as I do, as the world does. You deserve no less."

* * *

To break the serious mood of their conversation, Elaine and Anders decided to have a little fun in the castle. First they went through each of the bedrooms, trying on some clothes and dancing in the main room as if they were attending a fancy party. They ransacked the kitchen of several delicious treats as the cupboards were still stocked well, and indulged in the wine Anders had brought with him. Elaine found her way to the family vault and began trying on some of Bann Esmerelle's jewelry, and Anders mocked her for getting all _girly_ again.

She playfully teased him, chasing him through the halls, echoes of their laughter filling the castle. All thoughts of duty and darkspawn were set aside, and they had an amazing day together.

The sunset left a chill in the air, forcing them to retreat back to the bedroom. Anders relit the fire that had died down in the fireplace and Elaine began lighting the candles along the walls. The setting sun filled the room with beautiful shades of orange and purple, and Elaine lay on the bed face up, looking up through the glass ceiling.

"This is absolutely beautiful," she said in awe at the colors forming in the sky.

Anders looked up from poking the fire and saw Elaine laying there on the bed. "Yes, it is," he said not looking away from her, taking in the sight of her. Her hair was wild and free, sprayed out around her head on the bed. The rise and fall of her chest brought on a stir between his legs. She lifted her head to meet his gaze, and her smile filled his heart.

He walked over to the bed and lay next to her, elbow on the bed holding his head as he looked at her. With his free hand he caressed her cheek and returned her smile. " _You_ are absolutely beautiful. I can not imagine why I am so lucky to be here with you at this very moment."

She closed her eyes and pressed her face into his hand, bringing her own up to stroke his arm. She turned on her side pushing her back into him and wrapped his arm around her. "I like how we fit like this," she said. "Like we were made for each other."

He leaned down and kissed her head, pulling her closer to him. "I couldn't agree more," he said burying his face in her hair. His lips found her ear and he began kissing it, his breath on her bringing pleasant bumps to her skin. She pushed her rear against him, feeling the growing need of him. A soft moan escaped her as his lips found her neck below her ear, kissing and sucking softly.

She allowed him to explore her neck for a while, his hand reaching in front of her and rubbing her breast through the cloth that covered her body. She squirmed at his touch, feeling the warmth begin between her legs as her need for him grew as well. Elaine looked in one of the mirrors in front of them, watching his expression as he was lost in the pleasure of kissing her, and she smiled to her reflection, feeling love for the both of them.

He felt her shift and peered over her shoulder, seeing their reflection together. He smiled as she did, turning her head so he could kiss her cheek. Her mouth opened slightly, and she stared at his reflection, with warmth in her eyes. "I love you," she said in the mirror as he looked on.

His expression changed then, hearing those words from her for the first time; it both startled and touched him in a way he would never be able to explain to anyone. He buried his head in her shoulder, letting those words linger in the air, afraid if he said anything she'd realize her words were a mistake.

Elaine allowed him to rest on her for a moment before turning to look at him directly. "I love you Anders," she said again, looking into his brown eyes, stroking his face with the back of her hand. His lips parted to respond but she leaned into him and kissed him, not allowing him to say anything, as she poured all the love she had for him into the kiss.

Anders had never felt her like this, in all the times they had ever been close. Her lips were soft, gentle, the sweet taste of wine invaded his mouth with her tongue as she moved it towards his. He felt warmth within, tenderness, and an overwhelming need from her to show him how she truly felt. He ran his hand through her hair and brought her even closer, allowing his mouth to show her as well what she really meant to him.

Elaine broke away for a moment, leapt off the bed and stood in front of him. She quickly removed the borrowed gown she was wearing, and held a hand out for him to take. Anders accepted as she pulled him to his feet, helping him out of his clothes. When they were free of all barriers between them, Anders bent his head down again and found her lips once more, pulling her up toward him and bringing her back to the bed.

He brought her down with him as he lay on his back, refusing to part from her mouth, as they fell onto the soft fur blanket. She re-positioned herself so she was sitting on top of him, her full breasts flush with his chest as she licked his tongue with her own. He could feel the heat between her legs on his stomach, and the very thought of being within her made him hard with desire.

Anders parted from her swollen lips and looked into her eyes. "I love _you_ Elaine," he responded finally, bringing his hands up to her breasts and kneading them. He explored every inch of her torso with his hands, allowing magic to flow through them and infuse her with warmth. She continued to look into his eyes, smiling, as she reached behind her and began stroking his hardness, and his head tilted back with a groan. She extended her legs and moved her body directly over his as she slid her hand up and down his shaft, and then slowly guided him into her hot, wet opening.

Anders dug his fingers into her flesh as she took him in, slowly at first, opening herself up to him, allowing her body to conform to his size. He reached for both her nipples, sitting up and teasing one with his mouth as he pinched the other between his thumb and finger. He felt the immediate response his touch inspired, as warm liquid slid down his cock, and she took the opportunity to settle further down on him, taking all of him within her.

He didn't have much control under her as she moved slowly up and down, and he leaned back in submission, allowing her to take charge. He turned his head to the side, moaning at the feel of himself within her. Elaine leaned down and kissed his exposed neck, quickening her pace slightly as he gasped in pleasure.

She turned to follow Anders gaze at the sight of them making love in the mirror. They caught each others' glances and she smiled as she watched her body move up and down on his. His fingers dug into her hips, supporting her as she moved with loving speed. He pushed himself up into her now, the sight of watching them in the mirror making him even harder within her core, and she arched her back with pleasure as he continued to fill her.

Elaine increased her speed, and he pulled her down to him so he could taste her sweet lips again. The change in her position allowed for new sensations for them both as he pushed up to meet her every time she went down. He kissed her warmly, passionately, as soft moans escaped her and she became frantic on top of him. She pressed down closer to him, the friction of their movements together bringing her to climax as well, and their rapid thrusts timed perfectly, which allowed them both the sweet release together. Elaine gasped in pleasure, tilting her head back as the effects of the orgasm shot through her body, and Anders gripped her tightly in response to his completion. The sweat glistened on her chest and forehead as he looked up at her, enjoying the satisfied look on her face.

He ran his hands down her back, allowing his healing magic to soften the muscles that had exhausted themselves from her being on top, and she collapsed on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close as she rested her head on him, lost in the rhythm of his heartbeat. Anders looked upward towards the now dark sky, watching the stars twinkle above.


	8. Awakening's End

Anders and Elaine returned to the Keep the next day refreshed and renewed. It was a beautiful night of lovemaking and discovery, and a chance for Elaine to finally move on from her past. They entered the main hall hand in hand, and greeted their friends as they were preparing for the day.

"Commander, Commander!" A young peasant woman came running through the main doors of the Keep.

"What is it girl?" Varel asked sternly.

She was out of breath, and took a moment to regain her composure. "A darkspawn army is within sight of Amaranthine."

"They're attacking the city," Varel said in surprise. "Amaranthine has been undermanned for weeks. She may not last long." He turned to Elaine. "Our forces cannot move quickly enough. But a small band might make it in time."

Anders shook his head. "But that's... suicide."

Elaine spoke quietly. "We must try. I'll go, but who will stay to defend the Keep?"

Sigrun spoke up, excited for battle. "Fighting a horde of darkspawn with almost certain death awaiting? Don't even think of leaving me here Commander."

Elaine shook her head at the Legion of the Dead dwarf's obvious excitement. Varel looked at Elaine with concern. "Who do you want to take with you, Commander?"

She looked around the room, filled with her companions, and felt the heavy weight of the decision on her chest. She knew whoever she took with her may not survive the night, and it was the hardest decision she'd ever had to make. "I won't deny Sigruns request. And Velanna, this is a chance to avenge your people."

The elf woman smiled. "We'll cut down all darkspawn who dare cross our path. And I will learn what they have done with my sister."

Varel asked once more. "Who else will you bring?"

Elaine looked up at Anders. She wanted him to remain safe at the Keep, but admitted to herself this would be a selfish act. The city would need his healing skills, and if she were going to die today, she wanted it to be by his side. "Anders, will you join us?"

Anders smiled at her and laughed. "And here I thought I'd retire to the country with a plump wife and several young mistresses. I suppose that will have to wait."

Elaine furrowed her brows at him. "Did you just call me fat?"

Anders gave her a sly smile. "Did you just call yourself my wife?"

Varel interrupted their flirting with a stern clearing of his throat. "And so it is decided. The rest of us will stay here."

Elaine nodded to her companions. "Oghren, I leave you in charge. Justice, Nathaniel, it's up to you to ensure the Keep remains protected."

Varel and her Wardens bowed to her. "Maker protect you and hold you close, Commander," Varel said before they departed for Amaranthine.

* * *

The city was clearly overrun by the time they arrived. They battled numerous darkspawn on the way to the main gates; Sigrun leading the charge and the three mages behind her offering ranged support. It seemed for every darkspawn they knocked down, two more arrived, and the battle was weighing heavily on them all.

The bloody remains of humans and darkspawn littered the fields and farms on the outskirts of the city, and Elaine struggled to keep her composure at the sight and smell of it all. After the fighting seemed to come to a break, an older man came up to the Wardens and pleaded with them to enter the city.

"Please, Grey Warden! Save my family," he begged. "My family's in the city!"

Constable Aidan, the man in charge of the city guard, approached them. "Please, calm yourself while I speak to the Warden Commander." He instructed a guard to escort the older gentleman away from the city, and then bowed to the Commander. "I am glad you arrived when you did, but I fear there is little that can be done now."

"What happened?" Elaine asked him.

"A couple of nights ago, a swarm of... gruesome creatures emerged from beneath the city. They spread pestilence and destroyed everything they touched. Then, at dawn, the other darkspawn attacked." He looked sullen at that moment, and shook his head at the situation. "It's too late. Amaranthine is lost."

"But the city still stands," Elaine said looking back through the gates.

"The buildings might remain," Aidan stated, "but there will be few survivors this long after those creatures appeared. Their corruption is so virulent... at least a quarter of the city succumbed within the first day."

Elaine looked to Anders for support in what to do, but before she could speak one of the guardsmen exclaimed, "Constable! There! It's a darkspawn approaching, alone!"

They stood at the ready, prepared to attack, until the darkspawn spoke to them. "Peace! Do not be killing! Only talk! Architect has a message, for the Grey Warden!"

Anders moved in front of Elaine. "Why is it that everyone we encounter finds you attractive?"

"What is your message, creature?" Elaine asked out of curiosity.

"The Mother's army, it marches to Vigil's Keep. She attacks now! The Architect, he sends me to warn you! You must save the Keep, then finish the Mother in her lair!"

Elaine couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Vigil's Keep is under attack? We just left there!"

The darkspawn creature responded. "The Grey Wardens are valuable to the Architect. The Mother, she knows this."

Anders turned to Elaine. "If we leave now, we may be able to make it back to the Keep in time to save it."

Constable Aidan spoke. "What about the darkspawn here?"

The creature answered. "They will go to Vigil's Keep as well. The Mother, she wants the Keep destroyed utterly!"

Elaine sighed. "So we run to the Keep and are followed by the remainder of the horde here. Great." She thought for a moment. "Constable, do you believe the city is truly lost?"

He nodded, but added, "There could still be a few survivors, however."

Sigrun spoke up. "I will remain and find as many people as I can, send them to the Keep."

Elaine shook her head. "I can not ask you to remain here Sigrun. You most likely will not return."

Velanna stood next to Sigrun. "I will remain as well. We'll cover your retreat and let none of these creatures follow you."

Elaine looked at the two women in front of her. Their bravery made her proud. She composed herself, and in her best Warden Commander voice stated, "Very well. May the Maker watch over you both."

"You as well, Commander," Sigrun said as she bowed, and then ran into the city with Velanna.

* * *

As they stood victorious on the high walls of the Keep, sadness overwhelmed them. Amaranthine burned in the distance, smoke clouding the once sunny sky, and Elaine said a prayer to the Maker for Velanna and Sigrun. Anders stood behind her, holding her close as they watched the flames, visible from even this far away.

Justice stood off to the side, obviously troubled by what they were witnessing. "Where is the justice in a fallen city?" he asked no one in particular.

"There isn't any," Elaine said, turning to look at him.

Justice shook his head, clearly not understanding. "Who will bring Justice to those people? Those families?"

"With every darkspawn we kill, we do," Anders responded with realization. It was the first time he'd admitted out loud that this is his duty now as a Grey Warden.

Justice had no response as he and Nathaniel stood next to Anders and Elaine, and watched Amaranthine succumb to flames.

* * *

Refugees poured into the Keep throughout the night. Anyone that had managed to escape Amaranthine and survive the difficult road to the Keep were welcomed, at Elaine's insistence. She and Anders stayed up all night tending to wounds, and feeding the now homeless population of a once proud city.

"I can not believe this many survived," Anders stated as the outer rooms began to fill faster than they had expected.

Elaine looked up from the boy she was attending to. "It certainly is a welcomed sight," she said as she finished bandaging the child. With a pat on the head, she sent him off to be with his mother. She walked over to Anders and gave him a quick hug. "You have been amazing tonight. Thank you."

"No need to thank me, love," he said smiling as they exited the Keep. The sun was beginning to rise, and Elaine rubbed her eyes. "You must be exhausted," he said to her.

She nodded but looked ahead of them in the direction of the open gate. "Another traveler on the road, no sleep yet."

The man who was approaching from the distance appeared to be unharmed, as he had no limp or obvious injury they could discern from their far vantage. They couldn't make out who it was, but the armor he wore appeared to have protected him well.

Anders walked ahead of Elaine to meet the traveler, and froze when he saw who it was.


	9. Past, Present, Future

"You dare show your face here, Templar?" Anders immediately positioned himself between the traveler and Elaine.

"It appears there was no room in the city for me," the smug reply came. Then he looked past Anders to Elaine. "Hello my dear," he said to her seductively .

Elaine shook her head as she recognized the voice. Alrik stood before them, removing his gloves. "I will need food and shelter," he demanded.

Before Elaine had even one second to think, a bolt of lightning shot through the area. Anders had released his spell to knock Alrik back and then lunged at the man with full speed.

Alrik was knocked to the ground without warning, Anders jumped onto his chest, and punched Alrik in the face repeatedly. The surprise of the attack didn't allow for Alrik to defend himself at first, but he quickly rolled on top of Anders and attempted to restrain the mage.

Before he could attack however, Anders prepared his mind blast and Alrik fell back, stunned. Anders took the opportunity to jump up and aim his staff at the Templar. He began hurling fireballs at Alrik as he struggled to get back to his feet.

"Anders, stop!" Elaine screamed trying to get his attention.

He didn't though. The anger in Anders face was clear, and Alrik was going to pay for what he had done to Elaine. Another mind blast, then a swing of his staff to the Templars face as blood flew out of his mouth. Several more well-placed blows and Alrik was clearly very disoriented and unable to defend himself.

Alrik knelt on the ground, his face beginning to swell, and Anders stood over him, completely unharmed. He grabbed Alrik's armor and held him in place as he resumed punching the man with his fist until the Templar was barely conscious.

"You will never hurt another mage again," Anders growled at Alrik, whose eyes were now nearly swollen shut. Anders threw down his staff and wrapped his hands around the man's neck, determined to strangle the life out of the Templar.

Elaine made no move to stop him. She couldn't. Frozen in place both by the mere sight of this man who had once abused her so horribly, and the vengeful rage that had overtaken Anders, she could do nothing but continue to watch, almost hoping to hear the snap of the Templar's neck.

With the commotion of the fight, none of the three noticed the group of travelers coming up the road. Once they'd heard Anders yelling and had seen the light from spells being cast, they had quickened their pace to see what was happening. When they came upon the scene, they immediately intervened; the leader of the group pulling Anders off the Templar, and the others hovering over the Alrik, assessing his wounds. Anders struggled against the person restraining him, demanding he be allowed to kill Alrik, but now that they were outnumbered, this fight was clearly over.

"I will not allow you to kill this man," came the voice behind Anders.

"How dare you interfere here, stranger," Anders voice rose in anger. "Do you have any idea what he's done?"

"Besides being a Templar, it doesn't matter," came the voice of reason. "Last time I checked, murder wasn't on the agenda for the Grey Wardens."

Elaine looked away from Alrik for the first time, and thought she recognized the voice that was speaking. "Alistair?"

He released his hold on Anders and went to her. "Elaine, are you alright?"

She shook her head, body trembling, and collapsed into his arms.

As Alistair held her and tried to comfort her, Anders' anger was almost unstoppable. "You are Alistair?"

The man holding Elaine nodded, still rubbing Elaine's back trying to calm her down. "Then why in the name of the Maker would you stop me from killing this man after what he did to her?"

Alistair looked from Anders to Elaine, clearly not understanding what the mage was talking about. Elaine's eyes pleaded to Anders through her tears, but his anger was clearly in control over any rational thought. "He _raped_ her, and you will let him live?"

The shock of the words was obvious on Alistair's face. He hadn't known; she'd never told him. A knot formed in his stomach and his throat seized from the unwelcome images which formed in his mind. Elaine, his first love, being brutalized in such a way. He released his hold on Elaine and walked towards Alrik, adding a punch of his own to the older man's face.

"The Order will hear of this _Templar_ ," Alistair told the man as he gestured for his companions to get Alrik on his feet. "Dump this man down the road. If he returns, kill him."

The men did as instructed, Alrik leaning on two of them as they led him away from the Keep. Alistair turned back toward Elaine, who was walking backwards away from Alistair and Anders. When Anders reached out for her, she turned and ran back into the Keep.

* * *

Anders brought Alistair into the Keep and introduced him to Varel and the others. Varel was more than happy to fill Alistair in on the current situation, while Anders searched for Elaine. After checking her usual hiding places and not finding her, he returned to the main hall as Alistair was greeting the rest of his men. "I'm sorry, I'm afraid we missed out on a proper introduction," Alistair said cordially. "I am Alistair," he bowed.

"Anders," the mage said politely. "I apologize for the not so warm welcome earlier."

Alistair nodded and asked Varel for accommodations for himself and his men. Varel gave him directions to a set of rooms, and Alistair asked Anders to walk with him. After Alistair's men dispersed and he was alone with Anders again, he spoke openly with the mage. "I have to admit, this is a bit awkward for me."

"For _you_ ," Anders said laughing, "not at all awkward for _me_. The ex-Templar _slash_ ex-boyfriend finding the current boyfriend slash mage beating up another Templar? It almost sounds like a bad joke."

" _Ah_ ," Alistair nodded. "So you are the current boyfriend, then."

Anders shook his head. "I am really sticking my foot in it today, aren't I. Anything else you'd like to know that you aren't supposed to? It seems today is the day to ask Anders!"

Alistair chuckled at his joke. "No no, it's alright. She's entitled to a life. Our breakup was mutual and on good terms, no hard feelings here." Alistair rubbed the back of his head. "Although I wondered why she was trying to keep me from coming up here."

Anders shrugged. "I don't think that was personal. There was a lot going on to think about adding new recruits to the mix."

"From what Varel tells me it's still going on."

Anders stopped walking and leaned against the wall. "It'll be fine. She makes it fine."

Alistair turned when he didn't hear Anders behind him any longer. "Wow, you've got it _bad_."

Anders turned to look at him. "Is this appropriate for us to talk like this?"

"Oh I dunno," Alistair said leaning against the wall opposite Anders. "Brothers in arms and all that comradery? I don't think there are rules for this sort of thing. Although maybe there should be?"

"Am I interrupting?" Elaine asked as she entered the hallway and saw the two men standing there.

Anders opened his mouth to say something, but when Elaine refused to make eye contact with him, he stopped himself.

"Oh you know, Grey Warden business and all that," Alistair said with an almost serious face.

Elaine nodded. "Then perhaps you should join me in my office, Alistair," she said walking between the two men as she continued on.

"Uh oh, I know that tone," Alistair said falling in step behind her. "Am I in trouble?"

She kept walking without responding and Anders watched her and Alistair disappear around the corner. He sunk to the floor and sat there, unsure what to do.

* * *

"Why didn't you _tell_ me?" Alistair questioned as he sat down in the chair in front of her desk.

Elaine sighed and practically fell into her chair. "It's been a very long few days Alistair, do we have to?"

He shook his head, "Nope, not at all. If I may Elaine, you look terrible."

Her shoulders moved slightly as she gave a soft laugh. "Thanks, good to see you too."

Alistair leaned forward and set his elbows on her desk, placing his head in his hands. "Really though, are you alright?"

"Define 'alright'?" she asked avoiding the question. "I could use a break after all this. I'm sorry, I didn't even notice, how many potential recruits have you brought with you?"

"Six are here in the Keep, and four more about two days out."

Elaine looked surprised. "You let them travel alone?"

Alistair looked offended. "I'm not stupid you know. No, they aren't alone, and you're avoiding my original questions regarding your well being."

She copied his position, propping her head up in her hands as she rested her elbows on her desk. She stared at him for a few minutes, realizing she almost missed the warmth of his eyes and his obsessive need for perfect hair. "I just watched the loving, caring man that I thought I knew almost kill another. Days after he decided he wants a spirit from the Fade to merge and possess him. Add in everything that has happened here; feuding darkspawn wanting me dead, and having to see Alrik again not once, but twice… No, I suppose I'm not alright." She turned her face down in her hands and took a breath, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall.

Alistair moved his hands to cover hers and she allowed their fingers to intertwine as they used to. He wasn't used to seeing her like this; the Elaine he knew was always strong, stoic, and never let anything bother her. Seeing her vulnerable made him a little sad. He didn't bother to offer her any words, but hoped the warmth of his friendship would help in some small way.

After a few moments she looked up at him and smiled. "I need to go find Anders," she said squeezing his hands.

Alistair nodded, standing up. "Probably a good idea. Once you get your affairs in order, I'd like to proceed with the Joining ceremony as soon as possible."

Elaine gave him a curious look. "So soon? What's the rush?"

Alistair surprised her with a stern look. "Oh I dunno, the hordes of darkspawn lingering around, the lack of Grey Wardens in this area, _duty_ and all that?"

She nodded, feeling slightly ashamed for being so wrapped up in her own problems. "You're right, as always. I'm sorry for getting off track. I will finish with my personal business and we'll perform the ritual tonight."

Elaine got up and walked toward the door when Alistair grabbed her arm, spinning her to look at him. "I didn't mean it to come out so cold," he said softly. "You know I care for you, a great deal." She moved to turn away from him but he pulled her in for a soft hug.

The tears came then, softly falling on his armor. She struggled with the truth that was within her; the fear of seeing Anders in such a way. It was the first time she had ever seen him so violent, so destructive, so intent on killing another person. And the guilt within that - it was because of _her_ he was like that. His love for her drove him to that madness. Elaine didn't know if she was afraid _of_ him or _for_ him after seeing this new and violent side of him.

She knew she couldn't resolve this on her own; she'd have to speak with Anders before either one of them could move on. She thanked Alistair with a kiss on the cheek and went to look for him.

* * *

When she didn't find Anders in his room or in the kitchen, her next logical stop was Justice's room. The two had grown quite close over the time they had worked together, and if Anders would call anyone a friend, it would be Justice. As she approached the door she heard raised voices within.

"There will always be injustice in the world of Templars and mages unless someone does something about it."

"I suppose that _someone_ is supposed to be me," she heard Anders say with a note of sarcasm.

"Who better than a mage to bring to light what the Templars have done in this world?" Justice said with conviction. "You and I together will bring that justice forth."

"Justice is a noble idea," Anders argued, "but not a realistic one. At least not in the world we live in."

"Only because no one stands up for what is right. You mortals are frustrating; complain and cry and run away but do nothing to solve the problem."

"You don't understand," Anders sighed. "Things aren't as black and white as you may think they are."

"Perhaps I will understand once we are joined. As of now it is clear something must be done."

"I'm not saying I don't agree with you Justice, only that I wouldn't know how to even begin."

"Then let us join brother, let us send assurances to this realm that no mage will be harmed such as the Commander was again."

Elaine felt her face flush with anger. Anders had told Justice as well? Did everyone know? She opened the door to the room without invitation and glared at the spirit and the mage. "I'm here to discuss this joining of yours," she said casually. "Do you still plan on doing this?"

Anders stood as she entered and began to walk toward her, but her body language was clear that she wasn't ready to discuss what had happened. He looked to Justice who encouraged him with a nod. "It can't be done," Anders explained. "I have the ritual, but it would require two mages and I can not be one of them."

Elaine leaned against the door frame. "So you just need another mage to make it happen?"

Anders nodded, eyes searching hers for a reason for this line of questioning. "I thought you were against this?"

Elaine shrugged. "I know someone who can help. I will reach out to them and we can do the ritual when they arrive." She left the room and turned down the hall.

Anders followed behind, as she suspected he would. "Elaine, please wait a minute," he said catching up to her fast paced strides.

She continued walking to her room without stopping or acknowledging him, but left her door open as she entered, allowing him inside. She sat on her bed and crossed her legs, waiting for him to join her.

Anders sat on the edge of the bed next to her, but remained with his back to her, afraid to look into her eyes. He felt Elaine shift behind him, leaning back against the wall and moving a pillow to her lap. He smiled to himself as he knew what she was doing without even looking; mindlessly playing with the tassels on the ends of the pillow. It was something he had seen her do numerous times when there was something on her mind. "Are you angry with me?" he asked apprehensively.

No response came, and for a moment he wished she would say something, anything. Her silence was deafening, and very rare, so he shifted uncomfortably thinking about what to say next. Fear overwhelmed him at the thought of losing her. Their closeness in the castle seemed a lifetime ago as he felt the heavy distance between them now. He recalled the look in her eyes after confronting Alrik; shock, sadness, and fear. She was afraid of him he realized, and this saddened him more than anything. He had only wanted to be her savior, her protector.

Anders shifted toward her and saw the quiet tears that streamed down her face. His heart filled with pain in that moment, watching a tear slide down her cheek, drift off her chin, and disappear into the material of the pillow she held. He wanted to reach out to her, hold her and comfort her, but he was the one she was afraid of now. He didn't know how to fix this. "Tell me love," he asked, "how can I make this right?"

Elaine looked up at him, melting into his eyes and the love that shone from them. "You did nothing wrong Anders, and no I am not angry with you." She reached out for his hand and he accepted it, releasing a breath he wasn't aware he'd been holding. "But for the first time since I met you," she whispered, "I was afraid of you."

He closed his eyes, her words burning his soul. She sat up on her knees and put her arms around him from behind, resting her chest on his back and her head on his shoulder. He grabbed her hands in front of him and pulled them close to his heart. "Whatever you wish of me, it is done," he said bringing her hand up to kiss it.

She positioned her chin on his shoulder, and her cheek was tickled by the stubble on his. "This merge with Justice," she broached the subject, "is it something you really want to do?"

Anders leaned against her face, soaking in the warmth of her. "Imagine a world where mages never have to fear another Templar. Justice says that together we can make that happen." He paused, waiting for a reaction from her. When she said and did nothing, he continued. "I want to do this for you love, for us. Freedom to be who we are without shame, discrimination, hatred. Freedom from the Templars and their hold on us and our magic." He wiped away a random tear that fell from his own eyes. "I want to be able to protect you. From anything."

Elaine rested her head again on his shoulder and thought about what he had said. "Are you certain the ritual would be successful? Nothing would happen to either one of you save the joining?"

Anders nodded. "I would not risk my life, risk losing you, if I wasn't certain," he said. "I would only trust you to do the ritual though, and anyone you'd trust to assist you. You said you know of someone that would help?"

Elaine released her hold on him and sat back again, grabbing her pillow once more. Anders lay back and put his head on the pillow looking up at her. She stroked his hair while looking down at him. "If this is what you want, I will make it happen," she said to him.

He reached up and held her neck, bringing her down to him so his lips met hers. "I love you," he said once he'd parted from the warmth of her mouth. "I will create a better life for us both."

She smiled at him, ignoring the lingering doubt in the back of her mind.

* * *

Elaine opened her closet and retrieved her old pack from the floor. She dumped it on the bed, small reminders of her past falling randomly across the blanket. A cloth with a dried rose from Alistair, some poetry written by Zevran, braided ribbons Leliana had made for her, even Oghren's old flask that she had won from him in a card game. She smiled at the memories before her, and focused in on what she was looking for.

The small wooden box had fallen off to the side alone, and Elaine took a moment to smile at the irony. She opened the box and removed the ring it held; two bands of silver intertwined that joined in an emerald green stone. Elaine sat on the floor and slipped the ring on her finger. Taking a deep breath, she shut her eyes and concentrated as she was taught to do. She focused her magic on the image of the stone in her mind and waited.

 _I did not expect to hear from you so soon,_ the voice said in her mind.

 _I know, I'm sorry,_ Elaine said with her thoughts. _To be honest I didn't know if this would work._

 _Is this a test?_ the voice asked.

 _No,_ Elaine answered. _I have need of you._

A brief hesitation. _I require a week to travel. And for you to get rid of_ him.

 _I understand,_ Elaine sent.

She opened her eyes as she felt the connection end, and she removed the ring and placed it back in the box. Now that help was on the way, Elaine knew there was no turning back.


	10. Forget Reality

The graveyard behind the Keep was never intended to hold so many. Since Elaine's arrival she had buried many strangers, a few potential friends, and most of her extended Warden family. She looked upon the headstones that were beautifully created by Voldrik, a master stonemason dwarf who had originally come to the Keep to help with its reconstruction. In the center of the cemetery was a large griffon statue made from the granite they had discovered in the Wending Wood. The magnificent beast sat upon a stone base that bore the Grey Warden motto: _In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice._

The new recruits had all arrived at the Keep over the last few days, and the Joining was somewhat successful. Seven of the ten recruits survived; but that meant three more souls to put to rest. During the funeral for the recently fallen Wardens and recruits, Elaine's eyes had constantly met with Anders'. She had attempted, unsuccessfully, to dissuade him from his own personal joining with Justice. Purely for selfish reasons; for fear of losing him, or worse - him losing himself. Elaine had fought, begged, cried, and threatened. None of her actions had changed his mind, however. Anders had made promises both to her and to Justice that he intended to keep.

It also hadn't help when Justice approached her the previous night, thanking her for allowing him the opportunity at a chance of survival. She had grown to love the spirit almost as much as she loved Anders, and the thought of losing him saddened her. In the end, Justice and Anders combined as one person was enough to convince her that their merging would be beneficial to all. Their joined forces would show the world that mages could be responsible with their magic, and they could also find ways to break the chains of mages throughout all of Thedas. It was a noble idea, one that Elaine supported, and she had hoped the result would be the beginning of hope for mages' freedom.

Before she could focus on their joining, however, they had some unfinished business with the darkspawn. Elaine and her companions, in addition to Alistair and the newest Wardens, made short work of the remaining darkspawn in the area. They removed the threat to the outer villages of Amaranthine with ease given their renewed numbers. It seemed for whatever reason that the darkspawn were not regrouping and returning; once gone, they stayed gone.

With the hope of no further battles on the horizon, Elaine lost her only distraction which prevented her from focusing on upcoming events. Alistair would be leaving. An old friend would be returning. A lover would merge with a spirit. And no matter what happened, Elaine would be left to deal with the unknown.

* * *

Elaine sat on Alistair's bed in his room as he packed his things for the journey back to Denerim. With the Joining complete and the new recruits settling in, Alistair had concluded his business at Vigil's Keep and would be returning to his home city. Several new potential recruits were already waiting for him there; news of the heroism of the Wardens was spreading, and the best of Ferelden were jumping on the Warden bandwagon. Though there was no Blight to contend with, there were still several tasks the Wardens were responsible for; bolstering their numbers was their first priority.

Alistair looked up at her, and paused in his efforts of stuffing his pack. He saw the faraway look in her eyes, one that he was all too familiar with. Too much on her mind as usual; she had the worried look of a pending Archdemon on her face.

"Are you certain this is a good idea," Alistair prodded, interrupting her contemplation.

Elaine smiled at him and shrugged. "Am I ever certain of anything? Remember, I act first and deal with it later."

Alistair laughed, knowing from personal experience what she said was true. "This is a pretty big act though. You're talking about allowing a mage to take in a spirit. That's as close to an abomination as I can think of."

Elaine shook her head. "Be careful Alistair, your Templar bias is showing."

"No," he protested and sat on the bed next to her. "My concern for _you_ is coming through. You have no idea what this is going to do to him, to either of them. It may not be all kittens and rainbows like he thinks it'll be."

Elaine looked down in her lap, his words an echo of what she had worried about all along. "I can't talk him out of it. Maker knows I've tried. But he is determined, convinced it'll offer us a better future. He has such hope for this, such great plans for what they can do together as one. I can't deny him this."

Alistair took her hand in his. "Please let me stay. At least until it is over and I know you are alright."

Elaine denied his request. "You have a job to do, I will not keep you any longer than necessary." She squeezed his hand in appreciation for his concern. "I've been through worse, and dwelling on the worst case scenario is never good."

"Elaine," he spoke her name softly. "You do realize if it goes wrong you are going to have to kill him."

She gasped at the words, having not considered that possibility. After experiencing her Harrowing, she knew all too well delving into the fade could be dangerous, and a brief flash of the Templars who were prepared to take her life upon her return came to her mind. Would she have the strength to do it? Would she even be able to?

"Let me stay," he repeated. "Please."

Elaine knew he would be the best choice to keep around if his worst case scenario were to occur, but she also knew he had to leave. He couldn't be here, it was a promise she had made. She quickly composed herself and stood firm. "You are leaving now, and that is final," she declared, hinting of her rank with the Wardens. "My personal problems can not override our duty."

Alistair nodded, released her hand and stood once again to conclude his packing. He made no further effort to remain, knowing far too well once Elaine made a decision there was no changing it. It pained her not to be completely honest with her reasons for pushing him away, and in truth she really wished he could stay. But plans were already set in motion, and there was no turning back.

* * *

She had been kicking random rocks outside the Keep for several hours. Darkness had descended upon the area, and Elaine had been outside for most of the day. She said her goodbyes to Alistair, watching with sudden sadness as his figure got smaller and smaller on the road leading away from her. She had no desire to go back inside, to mingle with the new recruits or pretend to smile and be happy, when so much was weighing her down. The impending arrival of the mage would make it all real, reinforce how life was about to change forever, and she secretly wished her old friend had refused her summons.

But as these thoughts crept into her imagination, so did the distant figure of a traveler on the road. Elaine felt the combined emotions of joy and comfort at seeing her again - mixed with anticipation and fear of what was to come the next day.

The hooded figure in the long black cloak approached her, steps slowing as she drew near. Elaine walked out to meet her and had to hold herself back from embracing her former companion.

"Oh get it over with if you must," the traveler said, aware of Elaine's need to hug her.

Elaine smiled brighter than she had in days at hearing the voice of Morrigan. She did hug her old friend, briefly out of respect, and then stood back a bit to see the changes in her.

"Wow," was the only comment she could come up with, after a thorough inspection of the woman standing before her.

"Yes I know, 'tis a sight to be seen I'm sure," the darker haired mage scoffed at her own appearance. Elaine didn't lose her smile at all as she admired Morrigan. Some things hadn't changed much; her hair was still pinned back behind her head, loose strands framing her stern face. Her piercing, golden yellow eyes were magnified by the charcoal she painted along her eyelids. The only noticeable difference was the obvious signs of her pregnancy; her breasts protruded a lot more than they ever had, and the large bulge of her stomach seemed to make her a little more... human.

"Gawk at me once we're inside if you please, before I fall over from exhaustion."

Elaine laughed and apologized as she turned and walked toward the Keep. "I appreciate that you came, Morrigan," Elaine said honestly. "I know this probably wasn't an easy journey for you."

Morrigan trailed behind her using her staff as a walking stick. "'Twas no trouble. In fact, I was closer than you think when you called."

Elaine looked back at her. "Really? To be honest I wasn't sure you'd come. I figured you'd be long gone by now."

Morrigan nodded. "I had assumed the same, as well. Unfortunately circumstances changed those plans and I had need to remain a while longer. Better for you it worked out this way, yes?"

Elaine responded with a less than convincing agreement, and Morrigan picked up on it immediately. She said nothing as they made their way through the Keep. Morrigan kept her hood up and cloak closed to avoid anyone seeing her face or her condition. Elaine had made sure no one would be in the area where Morrigan would stay for the night, and had plans to bring her to the castle in the morning.

"Allow me to settle my things," Morrigan said when they approached her room, "and then come speak to me. I will require some rest, but I wish to know why I was summoned."

Elaine opened the door to Morrigan's room and led her in. "My room is across from yours," Elaine explained. "If you need anything, please come get me. If you're hungry I can get you some food before you rest."

"Quit fussing," Morrigan insisted as she put her pack down on the bed. "A few hours is all I need, then we catch up. Agreed?"

Elaine grinned and resisted the urge to hug her friend once more, closing the door behind her and settling against it for a moment. Memories flooded her mind of the time they had spent together. Their friendship had certainly been a bumpy one, but being based on a mutual respect of their skills, it had blossomed into a kind of sisterhood. The small pain of guilt crept up within her as Elaine thought of Alistair, and how he would want to know Morrigan was here. She was carrying his child after all, and Elaine knew Alistair had already begun to regret letting her go.

* * *

Though the walk to her room was a matter of three or four steps, Elaine was having difficulty moving. She'd rest, speak with Morrigan and then bring them all to the castle the following day. As if prolonging the very brief walk to her room would prevent all further actions from happening, she briefly considered grabbing her things and running to catch up with Alistair. But as she entered her own bedroom, seated on the bed before her was the reason she was doing it all. She went to his open arms and clung to his embrace.

"So she's here then," Anders asked after a few moments of holding Elaine. She nodded as she stood to remove her formal armor she'd worn to the day's funeral. "And your refusal to make eye contact with me means you're still having doubts?"

Elaine ignored his question while she finished changing, exhausted from all the talking they had already done on the topic. She climbed into bed behind him and settled herself under the blankets. He adjusted his position to look at her, and gently moved long strands of hair from her face.

"I am avoiding reality," she finally spoke after a few moments. "I wish to imagine this is just another night, the two of us together, with no worries about anything."

Anders grinned at that thought, and quickly removed his robes and joined her under the covers. "This is a plan I can agree with," he said moving in to kiss her neck.

She laughed at the sudden attack and playfully pushed him away. "My dear mage, it seems you have lost your robes!" She gasped in mock horror as she peaked under the covers. "And oh my, did you know that thing grows?"

"That _thing_ ," he said in a low whisper in her ear, "is going to invade you several times throughout this evening." Her skin reacted to his breath on her neck, bumps of pleasure forming on her arms and legs. "But," he said as he moved to her other ear, "you have entirely too much clothing on."

Elaine couldn't help but keep up her act. "I am a proper woman ser mage, I wouldn't dream of sleeping nude…" she tried to say, but the last word turned into a moan when he brushed against her breast. "I might…" she tried as the other breast caught his attention, "…need to answer the door!"

Anders ignored her silly protests as he lifted her shirt and moved to kiss her stomach. She arched her back at his touch, and from the gentleness with which his lips and tongue tasted her skin. He ran his hands up and down her ribs, sending waves of magic through her, enhancing her senses. She felt the warmth invade her insides as he directed his healing magic to caress her muscles, and she was suddenly helpless with desire.

"You taste so sweet," his said, his voice a bit husky as he pulled away to look up at her. He moved his hands from her sides to her stomach, running them up from her naval to her breasts again, watching the expression on her face as he focused his magic on her nipples. She threw her head back at the sensation, warmth and need building between her legs, unable to make a sound from the overwhelming pleasure of his magical touch. He kissed his way to her breasts, mouth replacing hands, and the heat and friction of his tongue nearly sent her over the edge.

"Anders," she gasped wanting him more than she ever had before. Her hands dug into his back as he brought his arms around her and lifted her closer to him. A soft kiss on the nose, a passionate plunge of his tongue in her mouth, and then her shirt was removed quickly. His arousal was clear when he pressed against her, and she assisted him in removing her few remaining clothes.

He lay her back down gently, refusing to let his lips leave hers as he guided her hand down his torso. He pressed her hand to his hardness, and held it there, as he teased her entrance with its head. He could feel how ready she was for him, and with one swift movement he was deep inside, stretching and filling her so deliciously. He pulled away from her mouth briefly to watch her reaction to his invasion, smiling at her before his lips came down to claim hers again. The sound of their combined moans and flesh meeting flesh heightened their arousal more than either thought possible. Anders seemed to touch every inch inside her, and his tongue did the same in her mouth.

Elaine felt herself growing dizzy with desire. When he withdrew his lips from hers, she opened her eyes to meet his warm gaze looking back at her. He slowed his pace within her, wanting to savor each moment. His fingers entwined in her hair as his lips returned to her throat - to that sensitive spot that he knew drove her mad with desire. She closed her eyes and took it all in; his lips on her neck, his hand on her breast, and the thrusting that continued deep within her. The random thought that this could be their last time together crept into her mind, and though she tried hard to ignore it, her tears proved she couldn't.

Anders felt the wetness on his cheek and tasted the salt in his mouth. He turned his head to look at her and confirmed she was crying. His hand lifted to stroke the hair from her forehead, though he didn't stop thrusting his hips. Instead, his expression changed, knowing what she was thinking in that moment, and he intensified his movements with purpose and determination. "I love you Elaine," he said looking into her eyes, needing her to really believe it, as if his own life depended on it.

She looked up at him with nothing but love in her eyes and smiled, ignoring the tears they now both shed. She moved beneath him to match his thrusts, and they continued to keep their eyes locked as both reached their climax simultaneously.

Anders remained within her, aftershocks of their orgasms causing spasms between them both, and he buried his head in her hair. A heavy sigh escaped his lips, tickling her sensitive neck, as she pulled him closer by wrapping both her arms and legs around him. He held her close as well, changing their position so she was laying on top of him, and yet they remained connected. He stroked her hair and rubbed her back as she lay with her head on his chest and concentrated on his heartbeat.

Tomorrow their worlds would change forever.


	11. The Ritual

"You wish me to send you into the Fade so you can willingly allow another mage take a spirit within himself? 'Tis most foolish."

Elaine had never really heard it be said out loud, and hearing it from Morrigan now really did make it sound crazy. She had spent the morning with her old friend filling her in on life in Amaranthine, and all she had missed while they were apart. For the most part Morrigan had remained silent, until it came time to discuss the plans of the evening.

"I know it's not the brightest idea in the world, but we don't have much choice. The body Justice inhabits is getting worse by the day," Elaine explained.

"Then let this Justice return to the Fade where it belongs," Morrigan said.

Elaine sighed. "Unfortunately I have tried every argument, laid out every possibility, and they still want to do it."

Morrigan shook her head, folding her arms. "Yet you claim to love this man."

"I _do_ love him," Elaine reiterated. "How bad can it be, it worked for Wynne, remember? She merged with the spirit of Faith, and that proved quite beneficial to us."

Morrigan scoffed. "That old woman is a fool. And if you recall, that spirit prolongs her life unnaturally."

"Which," Elaine argued, "I will accept the counterbalance of the taint shortening his life. We are not meant to live very long after our Joining. If merging with Justice has the same effect as Wynne and Faith, I am more willing to do it."

"'Tis a curious thing," Morrigan questioned, "why you did not seek her instead?"

Elaine had to stifle a laugh, imagining the look on Wynne's face if she were to ask for her help in this. "You really think she'd help me? She disagreed with every decision I have ever made. She disapproved of my relationship with Alistair - nearly killed me for my decision to allow Avernus to live. And every conversation about the Circle Tower ended in an argument." Elaine tried to calm the memories of the many disagreements she'd had with the healer. "No, she is the last person I would ever turn to again."

Morrigan didn't hide her distaste for Wynne either. "We, too had several arguments about the mage prison. She was not pleased when I stated the Circle is a place of subjugation." A brief sadness showed in her eyes. "She told me I never had love for others and therefore others would never love me; though I care little about love. She also told me I would die alone, and no one would mourn me."

Elaine was shocked by her words. Even though they'd never gotten along, she could hardly believe Wynne capable of such cruelty. "She said that to you? Remind me to kick her old ass next time I see her. _I_ for one love you and would certainly mourn you, as I have no doubts your child would as well. All of our old friends love you, Morrigan."

"Except for that Templar of yours," Morrigan spat.

"That _Templar_ is the father of your child, lest you forget," Elaine reminded her.

Morrigan thought on her words but said nothing, and instead returned to their original topic. "I imagine you wish to do this regardless of my input," Morrigan stated without malice. "I will do this for your friend whenever you are ready."

* * *

Introductions were made and they left the Keep for the castle. Elaine and Morrigan took the lead, with Anders and Justice following behind, and Nathaniel in the rear. Elaine had trusted Nathaniel with the details of the ritual, and had asked him to come along in case Alistair's worst case scenario actually happened. Elaine knew herself well enough to know she'd never be able to kill Anders, and she didn't want to endanger Morrigan or her unborn child. It was enough that she was asking her old friend to do this for her, so she needed to ensure the safety of all involved.

Morrigan took Anders into the main bedroom to begin preparations for the ritual. Nathaniel left to set traps outside in the event of random bandits and looters, to Ander's insistence. Elaine knew it was his way of giving her time alone with Justice before the ritual was to begin.

"Are you nervous?" she asked the spirit.

"I am not," Justice replied. "Not in the way you mean."

Elaine was confused. "What other definition of nervous do you know?"

"Perhaps it is not nerves as much as concern," he explained. "I long to be of this world and am certain we are making the right decision. But returning to the Fade, I wonder if there will be resistance to this course of action."

Elaine was puzzled. "Do you mean from the other spirits?"

Justice nodded. "Because Anders will open himself up to me, it is possible others may attempt to take my place instead."

"I am a step ahead of you Justice," Elaine explained. "Nathaniel isn't just here for setting traps."

The spirit understood. "Good. I have not always understood your love for each other, or the concept of love in general, but this body's memories and love for his wife have helped me to appreciate what it means. That you would allow him to do this…"

"I am doing it for the both of you," Elaine smiled softly. "I care for you, too and your desire to remain with us."

Justice appreciated the sentiment. "I will honor our friendship as it continues through him," Justice affirmed.

Elaine hugged the body of Kristoff, an action that the spirit wasn't quite comfortable with but was attempting to understand. As he searched the memories of the body he inhabited, he acknowledged and returned the embrace. "Take care of him," Elaine whispered into his shoulder, tears falling from her eyes.

Justice finally realized the size of the gift his commander was giving him, and held her a little longer as she cried. He swore to himself that he would do anything to protect that gift, and cherish Elaine for giving him a place in this world.

Anders came down the stairs as Elaine pulled away from Justice, wiping her fallen tears with her sleeve. The spirit kissed the top of her forehead, a gesture he no doubt learned from Kristoff, and retreated upstairs to allow Anders and Elaine a moment alone.

"Are you ready?" he had asked her, but the weight of the question caused her to buckle and sob uncontrollably again. Anders held her close as she fell into his arms, her body shaking beyond her control. "Elaine," he murmured in her hair as he rested his head on hers. "Don't do this love, please," his voice cracked slightly.

She had no words to say. No thoughts in her mind save one; she'd lose him today. The feeling felt like a certainty, and it overwhelmed her, which caused her heart to feel as if it would stop beating at any moment. She found it difficult to breath as panic and grief warred within her.

Anders smoothed her hair and rubbed her back, his throat tightening with his own pain that threatened to spill out of him. He tried to remain strong for her, show her there was nothing to fear and that everything would be alright, but he found it difficult to do with his love so distraught, clinging to him as if both their lives depended on it. He tilted his head toward the ceiling, keeping his own tears at bay, closed his eyes, and prayed to the Maker that everything would be okay.

* * *

Elaine did not release his hand as they walked slowly up the stairs together. The hallway seemed longer than the last time she was here. Instead of Anders gently escorting her to the bedroom to make love to her, they were taking dangerous steps toward an unknown future. She suddenly regretted doing the ritual here, desecrating their sacred space. But she feared the other Wardens' reactions, or worse, an attempt to stop them. The risk was far too great, with the real possibility of trapping them both in the Fade forever.

Elaine's legs struggled to move on her command, and as they came closer to their destination, it was more difficult to breath. She felt Anders squeeze her hand a little harder as they opened the door and entered the room. Morrigan was seated comfortably on the floor, legs crossed and eyes closed; her usual meditation position, Elaine remembered. Justice was seated to the left of her, and Nathaniel was over by the bed peering out the window.

The sun was hidden by clouds today, the gray sky looming over them through the glass ceilings and windows. Elaine didn't remember it being so dark outside on the way to the castle, and the knot in her stomach continued to tighten.

"Elaine," she heard Anders voice through her thoughts and she looked up at him. "Your digging into my skin," he said with a small laugh.

She looked at their joined hands and saw the indentation her nails made into his flesh. She managed a half smile as she embraced what little bravery she could find within herself, and released her hold on him. "I'm sorry," she tried to say, but the dryness in her throat suppressed her voice.

Anders lifted both of his hands and placed them on either side of her face, thumbs tracing her cheekbones. He looked into her eyes, red and swollen from so many fallen tears over the last two days. His heart broke from her expression; the sadness, the exhaustion, the fear she tried so unsuccessfully to hide. He leaned down to her, wetting his lips with his tongue before invading her mouth. She stood high on her toes to reach him, wrapping her arms around his neck, and closed her eyes. Her tongue ran along his, as it had so many times, and she only broke away to nibble softly at his lower lip.

Justice watched them both, and briefly wondered what the experience of kissing Elaine would be like once he merged with Anders.

Anders pulled away from her moments later, kissing her nose, then her forehead, and then carefully lifted her arms away from his neck. He knew one of them had to be strong enough to break the hold, and he knew it wouldn't be her. Her eyes remained closed for a few seconds more as she stood there, feeling the distance between them increase as he moved away from her, and for a moment she felt as if her legs would no longer carry her weight. Anders noticed the weakness in her and brought his arm around her waist, helping her to sit across from Morrigan. He then took the position next to Elaine, and Morrigan opened her eyes.

She looked at Elaine with concern, but Elaine didn't give her the chance to ask her any questions. She cleared her throat to find her voice again. "Let's proceed," she said, relying on her Warden Commander tone to hide her pain.

Morrigan's expression did not change but she took her friend's lead, reaching behind her and retrieving the black bag she had carried to the castle. She opened it and removed several lyrium potion vials, handing five to Elaine and keeping five for herself. She removed a silver box next, and placed it in the center of the circle the four had formed. "Do not be alarmed," Morrigan warned as she released several protective magical locks on the box.

Elaine looked towards Anders and then back at the box, wondering just what method Morrigan would use to get them into the Fade. When she opened the box, Elaine gasped. She immediately looked at Justice, who was instantly transfixed on the object. Anders voice spoke for all of them. "Is that…"

"'Tis a Harrowing stone, yes," Morrigan replied, almost bored with the shock and awe the object had attracted. "There are far more simpler ways to enter the Fade than blood magic and sacrifices, or a room full of mages."

"Where was this when we needed it in Redcliffe?" Elaine wondered out loud.

"Not yet in my possession," came the simple answer from Morrigan.

Anders shook his head. "But the ritual I found required the extra lyrium consumption. If you don't need the vials then why do you have them?"

"The Harrowing stone will get you there," Morrigan explained. "But for us to join you and not be tempted or at risk, we must also have the additional lyrium in our system."

Anders was not happy with this new detail. "Why would you need to join us? I don't understand."

Morrigan sighed, growing inpatient. She refused to speak with Anders anymore and looked at Elaine. "If we allow them to flounder through the Fade with no guidance, you could lose them both. One of us must anchor with Justice and the other with Anders."

"How do we do that?" Elaine asked.

Morrigan thought for a moment. "'Tis far more easier to do than explain."

"Please try," Anders pushed. He was suddenly angry that' he hadn't known Elaine would be this involved.

"We enhance ourselves with the lyrium as a sort of magnet and safety net for you," Morrigan broke it down. "I will be the anchor for Justice; 'twill be far easier for a spirit to find me." Elaine noticed she didn't further explain why, but suspected it had to do with the 'soul of the old god' she had within her womb. "Elaine will anchor you," she said to Anders. "Once you've merged with us, then 'twill be easier to get the both of you together."

Elaine had one more thought. "Will this…I mean…is this safe for you Morrigan?"

Morrigan nodded. "I would not put myself in any situation that would harm me. Now let us begin, I tire of this talk."

Elaine looked at Anders and Justice one last time. Anders grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently, smiling at her with warmth and appreciation in his eyes. "See you on the other side, love."

Elaine smiled back and then released his hand. She followed Morrigan's lead and began drinking the lyrium potions. Never before had she used them at full strength, and getting five of them down was going to be more difficult than she'd thought. The liquid began to burn as it ran down her throat, and she almost choked on it before drinking the second one. But with each empty vial, she kept in mind she was doing it for him, for them, for a better future. Once the last empty glass vial fell from her fingers, her insides felt as if they were on fire.

Morrigan nodded, beginning the ritual.

* * *

Nathaniel stood guard over the four, bow at the ready as they began to stir. Morrigan opened her eyes first and immediately closed the box containing the Harrowing stone. She looked up at Nathaniel and threatened him. "Point that elsewhere, fool."

He did point it elsewhere, at Elaine who began to shift her legs, just in case. Morrigan packed the box away and retrieved the empty vials, also placing them in her pack. She watched as Elaine's eyes opened and began to focus. "That was… intense," she managed to say in a whisper.

"'Twas most interesting indeed, though I do not wish to repeat it any time soon."

Elaine agreed silently, and turned her head toward Anders. He still showed no sign of movement, and fear immediately gripped her heart. She jumped at a sudden noise next to her; Kristoff's body falling backwards to the floor. She gasped, a hand immediately at her mouth, at the sight of her fallen friend.

"It appears we were successful," Morrigan said with confirmation. "His body has been released." She stood and grabbed her cloak, wrapping it around herself. There was a sudden chill in the air, as night had fallen around them. While no rain had come from the earlier threatening clouds, a rumbling of thunder could be heard in the distance.

Nathaniel told them they were unconscious a few hours, but in the Fade it seemed only minutes had passed. He set his bow down on the bed and began the task of removing Kristoff's body from the room.

Elaine moved to sit in front of Anders, grabbing both of his hands as if she could guide him home by touching him. As a mage she knew this did nothing for him, but she felt better doing _something,_ as she waited for his return. Each minute that passed felt like an eternity, and the knots in her stomach returned in full force. She concentrated on his breathing, fingers moving toward his wrists to make sure the blood running through his veins still flowed. Elaine reached up to brush a strand of his long hair out of his face, wondering when it had strayed from the rest.

As she touched his forehead his eyes opened wide. The sudden movement startled her and she withdrew her hand. Anders looked into her eyes and smiled at her, for a moment, until his eyes were clouded over by a light blue swirl of energy - one she knew far too well. She crawled backward away from him as she felt the power of the Fade radiating from him.

Wish a bright flash of light, the rest of his body projected the same blue energy as his eyes. Elaine was almost blinded by the distortion, and before she could understand what was happening, he was on top of her, a hand to her throat. She grabbed his clenching hand, trying to pry him away, but it was no use; he was much stronger than her, and she was depleted of energy from her journey into the Fade.

Morrigan was behind Anders in an instant, a spell forming between her fingers, but he was well aware of her actions. With his other hand he reached over his shoulder and expelled his energy towards her, forcing her backwards and sent Morrigan crashing into the wall.

His grip on Elaine's throat tightened as he focused his attention back on her. She gathered the little strength she had left to cry out his name. " _Anders_ ," she pleaded, in a last attempt to reach him, but to no avail.


	12. Goodbye

_She knew in an instant he loved her. The moment his energy combined with hers in the Fade, all of their feelings for each other became one. The intensity of how he felt, the desire and passion and pure love he had for her, washed over her like warmth from the sun. He had never loved another the same, she knew this to be fact, as their combined spirits could hold no deceit. She longed to remain like this forever, the purest and most honest sensation of knowing, without doubt, how someone could feel for you. She embraced him into her, welcomed him, enveloped him in a way two people had never joined before. He would love her for eternity, there was no question._

Now his hands were wrapped firmly around her throat. Her near lifeless eyes looked into his, but he was no longer the Anders she knew. A force within him guided his rough hands to keep pressure on her windpipe until she gasped for air. In and out of consciousness, she drifted from reality to the edges of death. Panic rose within her as she choked, clawing at his hands and drawing blood. She had called to Anders and he didn't respond, and Elaine knew he was lost to her - trapped within himself. A desperate cry, a plea for her life, she uttered the name of the only other being who could hold her so close to death. " _Justice_ ," she whispered.

A flash of recognition, an instance of clarity, his release was as swift as his attack. He jumped off her still body and stared at her with a cold vengeance. Elaine struggled to sit up, fighting the darkness that threatened to overwhelm her. Her raspy voice barely audible, she pleaded to the spirit before her. "Justice," she begged. "Let him go."

He stood before her, confusion and anger battling for dominance in his expression. He looked down at his hands, saw them through new eyes as they were touched by a glow that felt oddly like the Fade. He looked around the room, unfamiliar with his surroundings, and for a moment was about to flee.

A sudden hand on his forced him to remain. The feel of another, the oddest sensation, he studied it more closely as he knelt to her again. She squeezed it gently, having little energy to do much more, and repeated her earlier appeal. "You have to let him go," Elaine said softly, fighting the darkness that threatened to take her.

The softness of her touch, the sweetness of her voice, it pulled at the man that struggled within. Justice released her hand, but Anders held on, and through her touch he forced his way to the surface. Using her energy and love as a guide to finding himself again, Anders managed to break through. His eyes closed as he struggled internally to remain in control, and another weak squeeze from her hand steadied him. He opened his eyes to look at her, and she managed a soft smile. He reached out to her face and caressed her cheek; it was the last thing she remembered before darkness finally won.

* * *

It took Elaine several minutes to realize where she was. The soft bed beneath her, the warmth of the blanket that draped over her body, the smell of cedar and honey. She was back in her room, safely tucked in her bed, and she took a moment to appreciate being alive.

She forced her eyes to open, rubbing them with the back of her hand as sunlight filled the room. Her mouth was dry, and when she forced herself to swallow she realized there was no pain. She brought her hand to her throat searching for some discomfort, but found nothing.

A voice from the corner startled her. "Rise and shine sleepy head," it demanded.

In her disoriented state, she asked out loud, "Anders?"

"That's the thanks I get for standing vigil for three days," came the response.

Elaine blinked a few times to make her vision focus. When it did, she got her first look at the visitor. "Alistair?"

"Welcome back," he said as he walked over to her bed and sat on the edge next to her. "You had us all a bit scared, you know." She struggled to sit up and he helped her, handing her a glass of water from her night table. "Drink some of this," he insisted.

Elaine took several large sips to satisfy the desert in her mouth before putting the cup back down. "Wait," she said with sudden realization. "What are you doing here? And did you say _three days_?"

Alistair nodded. "Yup, three days you've been asleep. I'd like to say I was here the entire time, but that would be a lie."

"I thought you were headed back to Denerim?" she asked, trying to withhold the panic in her voice. Where was Morrigan? Or Anders?

"I was at least a half days out," he explained, "before I realized how completely and utterly _stupid_ that would be of me given the task you were undertaking. And from the looks of things, I was right to return."

Elaine searched her memory for any clues as to what she was forgetting, but came up with nothing. "I don't know what happened," she admitted to him. "I remember we finished the ritual and then not much after that."

Alistair's normally kind expression was replaced by a bit of anger. "I arrived shortly before Nathaniel came carrying you into the Keep. Anders followed behind him, neither one said a word. You had no physical injuries that we could see, but you were still out cold."

Elaine waited for mention of Morrigan, but when it didn't come she didn't bring it up. If Morrigan had known Alistair had returned, she would've fled. Elaine hoped her friend was alright after remembering how Anders' spell had slammed her against the wall. "Where's Anders?" she asked wanting to find him and fill in the gaps of her memory.

Alistair shifted uncomfortably, and Elaine felt like she had been punched in the stomach. She knew by his expression that he had bad news for her. She closed her eyes when he took her hand, fear overwhelming her. Had something gone so terribly wrong that he did not survive?

"He left," Alistair answered softly. "Yesterday."

Elaine released the breath she was holding. Gone, but not dead. It was progress. "Left to go where?" she asked. "When will he be back?"

Alistair squeezed her hand. "He's not coming back Elaine. Anders has left for good."

She laughed at him, suddenly realizing he had to be joking with her. "Anders wouldn't leave, especially while I wasn't awake to argue with him. Seriously, when is he coming back?"

Alistair stood and walked over to her dresser, retrieving a folded piece of paper. "He left this for you," Alistair explained as he handed the letter to her. "He asked that I give it to you and that I take you back to Denerim with me."

Elaine shook her head, holding the letter and recognizing Anders' writing, but did not believing a word she was hearing. "Go to Denerim? Why in the Maker's name would I go to Denerim? No, we belong here, we have plans. We are to move into the castle next week and begin work on the city the week after that…"

"Elaine," Alistair said her name firmly to snap her out of her denial. "Read the letter. I will return later to check on you."

She watched him as he left her alone and wondered silently what game they were playing with her. Anders wouldn't leave, not after everything… No, she refused to believe it. Even as his own words were presented before her:

_I am a coward, I have no shame in admitting it. I would not be able to face you after what happened, knowing what I am now capable of. That I could ever hurt you as I did, that I almost killed you…_

_I didn't know what would happen. I figured a willing host, a friend; it had to be better than haunting some corpse. But he is no longer my friend Justice. He is a force of vengeance. And he has no grasp of mercy. I must take my leave of you my love. I must find a way to control what is happening to me, inside me. I can not put you in danger again, I will not._

_I would rather die than have any more pain come to you at my hands._

_Please do not hate me love, I wouldn't be able to bear it. Know I must do this for you, for us, and know once I have Justice under control I will return to you. Until that time you must leave Amaranthine, be somewhere safe that I am unaware of. When the time is right, the Maker will bring us together again._

_I love you. I shall never love another as long as there is breath within me._

She felt as if a hole was suddenly created in her soul. A hurtful, empty place. An emptiness beyond mere words that seemingly screamed to be filled. As she lay back down in her bed, the letter falling from her hands, she struggled to breath. Loneliness crept inside her heart, a sudden realization she didn't have his arms within reach. Who would take away her pain and misery? The one who abandoned her is the only one who could save her.

Tears threatened to surface, a lump in her throat, a reminder that she yet lived. But she didn't want to. In one weak, brief moment she didn't want to continue on with life if it meant a world without him by her side. Through gritted teeth the silent tears did come, burning her eyes and staining her cheeks. She gripped her pillow tightly, the one that still smelled of him, and gave herself over to grief.

Her heart was wounded to its core. More questions than answers built up within her mind. Forgotten dreams and broken promises. How could he? Why would he? They had agreed to do this together, how could he decide he had to do it on his own? How could he claim to love her and yet leave her? Her thoughts overwhelmed her, despair overtook her, and for a moment she was prepared to give herself to any demon that could bring Anders back to her.

Elaine never heard Alistair return, nor did she realize she was now clinging tightly to his chest. The hand softly running through her hair gave no comfort, and the old tears he wiped away from her face were immediately replaced with new ones. She heard no words that he said, only the beating of his heart as she pressed up against him.

Hours later the darkness took hold of her again, only this time she welcomed it.


	13. Amaranthine to Kirkwall

Anders fought internally with Justice as they took the boat ride across Lake Calenhad. Justice disagreed greatly with Anders decision to walk straight into the lion's den, but Anders knew it was the best place to start for the answers he sought. While it concerned Anders to enter this place with the renewed anger inside him thanks to Justice, he felt he had little choice if he were to ever consider being with Elaine again.

"I never thought I'd see you back here again," Knight-Commander Greagoir said to Anders as he walked through the large entrance doors of the Circle. "I thought you would've joined the Qunari by now."

Anders stood proud in front of the Templar who had tormented him for most of his life. "Instead I joined the Grey Wardens," Anders retorted smugly. "So whatever plans you have for assigning me a comfortable cell for the next year, you can forget it. I am here on official Grey Warden business."

Greagoir stood with his arms crossed, eyeing the former apostate who had escaped the Circle several times. "The Grey Wardens took you in? Why? The Blight is over, there would be no need."

Anders walked freely around the room, pretending to look at the reconstruction that was taking place. "When Rylock tried to have me arrested in Amaranthine, the Hero of Ferelden intervened on my behalf, invoking the Right of Conscription. In front of the Queen too, no less." He returned to standing in front of Greagoir, crossing his own arms as well. "The title 'apostate' no longer applies to me."

Greagoir eyed him suspiciously. "How interesting you'd mention Rylock, someone who hasn't been heard from since her trip with the Queen to Amaranthine. I don't suppose you'd know of her whereabouts?" he asked accusingly.

Anders shrugged. "Not my job to watch your Templars," he said with a smile. "I have need of the Circle's library for some research," Anders explained changing the subject. "I would appreciate your cooperation, as would the Wardens."

Greagoir shook his head in disbelief, never having imagined Anders would return and be free to walk the halls once more. "I will not deny a Warden access to the library, but that doesn't mean you will be free to roam as you please. You will be escorted to and from, and I suggest you don't plan on staying overnight."

"Such hospitality," Anders stated dryly. "I assure you I have no desire to remain longer than I need to."

Greagoir said nothing further to Anders, instead calling for his second in command, Cullen, to escort Anders to the library. Anders moaned slightly at Greagoir's choice to accompany him, knowing Cullen far too well as being someone who despised mages, given his recent torture.

To his surprise however, as they made their way through the Tower to the library, Cullen began asking Anders about Elaine. "Did I hear correctly that the Hero of Ferelden herself recruited you?"

Anders nodded and spoke proudly. "She did indeed. Amazing woman, do you remember her?"

Cullen's expression changed drastically as he remembered Elaine and their brief relationship. Anders read his face immediately and couldn't help poking fun at the Templar. "Ah, so _you're_ the one."

Cullen's cheeks blushed instantly and his nervousness began to show, looking over his shoulder for anyone who may have been listening. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said quickly and unconvincingly. "Of course I remember her, she freed me from the mages prison."

Anders laughed triumphantly at making the Templar squirm. He nodded in understanding at the unspoken truth as they reached the library. "Must be my mistake," he said, still teasing Cullen. "I thought it was more than that. I could've sworn she said when she was in the Circle she was involved with a…"

Cullen cut him off. "Correct, you are mistaken. Conduct your business and be on your way." He left Anders and skulked to the corner of the library, face still red from embarrassment.

Justice let his disapproval of Anders' behavior be known and Anders ignored him, trying to make sure he stayed in control of the spirit while within the Tower walls. He browsed the library's index for books on spirit and demon possession, and found a good place to begin his research. He grabbed several books from the shelves and sat at one of the large tables in the back of the library.

His reading was interrupted briefly by a young high-pitched voice. "Please be careful! You're bending the book too much! It'll crack the spine and cause the pages to fall out!"

Anders looked up from his book and smiled at the mage in front of him. "Why am I not surprised to see you here Finn?"

The redheaded mage grinned from ear to ear. "Anders? Is it really you? Back here?"

Anders pointed at the chair in front of him offering Finn a seat. "Just passing through," Anders explained as he slid the books closer to himself, hiding the titles from view. "Nice to see a familiar face that isn't a Templar."

Finn bounced with excitement at seeing his old friend. "You too! How did they capture you this time? And when's your escape planned? I'll have to start the betting pool again."

Anders chuckled at the enthusiasm from the younger mage. "No need anymore friend, today I have the privilege to walk out the doors a free man. I've joined the Wardens."

"The Wardens!" Finn's face lit up. "I wouldn't have believed it coming from anyone other than you! Or maybe Karl, since you and he were so close."

Anders blinked at the name, scolding himself for not even thinking to find Karl while he was here. "Can you tell him to come down here? I can't leave the library, and I have company," he said nodding towards Cullen, who was leaning against the wall in the corner.

Finn shook his head. "I'm sorry Anders, but Karl is no longer here."

"What?" Anders was alarmed. "Where is he?"

"He was transferred to Kirkwall," Finn explained. "You just missed him too, wasn't more than a week or so ago. Rumor is there's some trouble within the Circle there, and they sent a bunch of mages to try and help out. Cullen's going too in a few days."

Anders was distraught over not being able to see his oldest and closest friend. "Maybe that'll be my next stop," Anders thought out loud. "I could really use his help."

"Well I can help you," Finn said excitedly. "Watcha need?"

Anders chuckled and shook his head. "No offense Finn, but it's not something I would ever talk about within these walls. Thanks for the offer though."

Finn seemed offended, and stood to end their conversation. "Well then, good luck with your secrecy…secret stuff."

As Finn walked away from him, Anders went back to reading and planning in his head the trip to Kirkwall. Besides Elaine, Karl was the only person in Ferelden he trusted, and was sure he'd be able to help him figure out what to do about Justice.

* * *

"Commander, I am honored that you would leave me in charge," Nathaniel said bowing to Elaine. "That you would bestow your faith upon me after the way I acted when we first met…"

"Nathaniel," Elaine interrupted him. "You have come so far since that day. I am honored to have you move up within the ranks of the Grey Wardens, and I daresay you are making the name Howe honorable once more." She crossed her arms and bowed to him in return. "These were, after all your lands, this was your home, it seems only right that you take charge of her."

Nathaniel managed a small proud smile. "I wish you safe travels," he said and turned to Alistair as well. "Take care of our Commander."

Alistair nodded to the younger Warden. "Of course." He then asked Elaine. "Are you ready?"

Elaine nodded and said her goodbyes to her remaining friends. She requested one last stop at the Keep's cemetery and gave a silent goodbye to those who had already moved on from this world.

The road to Denerim was different than the last time they had traveled together. With no darkspawn at their heels and no other companions to talk to, Elaine found the journey quite calming. After the night she fell asleep crying in Alistair's arms, she had gathered all the strength that remained within her and channelled it into preparing the Keep for her departure. Alistair had asked her a few times if she was alright, and she insisted she was, even though he knew better. But he also knew what a strong and proud woman she was, and had no doubts that she was countering her depression by overworking herself.

They spent their nights around the campfire reminiscing about "the old days" which weren't that far behind them. Alistair had opened up a bit more about his thoughts on his child and Morrigan, and Elaine continued to feel guilty about keeping secrets from him. She reasoned with herself that she had promises to keep and now owed Morrigan even more, so she remained silent and comforted Alistair as best as she could.

When they arrived in Denerim Elaine couldn't believe how much it had changed since the last time she was there. It was obvious Queen Anora had spent a considerable effort in rebuilding the city as quickly as possible. It was difficult to imagine the battle that had taken place there; the blood that stained the dirt streets, the ash that hung in the air, the charred remains of buildings and corpses. No evidence could be found of any of it.

The Alienage seemed to be renewed with some new buildings, but it was still considerably the worst area of Denerim. As Alistair and Elaine walked through it surveying the remaining damage, it was clear Anora hadn't focused much of her energy on the plight of the elves. Elaine made a mental note to speak with Alistair about perhaps having a few Wardens come in and see what help they could offer them.

The final stop on Alistair's tour of the city was Fort Drakon. Elaine had felt uncertain when she had reached for Alistair's hand during the climb up the stairs to the rooftops, but she was grateful for the comfort as she remembered their final ascent through the fortress. She thought of Morrigan and Zevran, who'd fought at their side, plowing their way through the army of darkspawn. Her spirit was renewed that day when she found First Enchanter Irving battling the darkspawn when they'd arrived. Although surely one of the scariest days in her life, it was also the most overwhelming - everyone of different classes and races coming together for a common goal. She battled the tears that threatened to form at the pride she felt from being a part of such an event.

"Close your eyes," Alistair said before the opened the door to the rooftop.

Elaine gave him a curious smile but obeyed, shutting her eyes tightly and allowing him to take her other hand as well. He leaned on the door and opened it, light from the sun invading her closed lids. They walked a few paces until Elaine guessed they were in the center of the tower and Alistair released her hands. He moved behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders and whispered in her ear. "Open your eyes."

Elaine did so slowly, allowing her eyes to adjust to the bright light reflecting off the tower's stone floor. Her hands immediately went to her mouth as she gasped at what she saw. A large stone monument of a dragon had been erected in the middle of the tower. It laid on its stomach, an obvious gash through its wing, and its head lay chin down in front of it.

Depicted above the mock Archdemon was an indistinguishable Grey Warden, also made of stone. A real sword made of the finest steel Elaine had ever seen was in the hands of the stone Warden and impaled into the dragons head. The griffon symbol of the Wardens was on the chest plate of the statue, and a plaque with writing leaned against the base of it all.

Elaine wiped the tears that fell freely as she pulled away from Alistair and knelt down to read the plaque's inscription: _The Defeat of the Archdemon, The Fifth Blight, 9:30 Dragon Age. Dedicated to all the Grey Wardens lost during this dark time._ Below that was a list of names; the two dozen Elaine remembered from Ostagar, as well as Daveth, Jory, Duncan, and Riordan. Below the names was a single line from the Joining ritual: _Know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten._

This time when Alistair knelt beside her and asked her if she was alright, she shook her head to let him know she wasn't. He put his arm around her as he stared at Duncan's name, and watched her trace the letters with her fingers. It was the first time they had cried together for their fallen brothers, and no other words were spoken as the sun went down around them.

* * *

"So you came to Kirkwall just to escape the Wardens?" A weighted question if he ever heard one. Anders had been in Kirkwall for a short amount of time, but his reputation placed him there far longer. He had settled into opening a clinic in the city's underground, offering healing to Ferelden refugees still struggling from the effects of the Blight. Word spread fast that he was a Warden, which he never truly denied, in the hopes that the city Templars would leave him alone.

"You say that like it's a small thing," he replied to the stranger that stormed into his clinic, demanding information on the Deep Roads. "Yes, I'm here because there's no Warden outposts, no darkspawn, and a whole host of refugees to blend in with." He barely admitted to himself the truth that he had run away yet again. "And some reasons of my own."

The woman seemed determined to get whatever it was she was looking for. "I need to know how to get into the Deep Roads," she demanded. "You can tell me willingly or not."

"Don't threaten me little girl," Anders spat back. "You can't imagine what I've come through to get here." But as he looked at the strong woman and her entourage of obvious fighters, he realized this might be the opportunity he was looking for. He had been exchanging letters with Karl through a servant in the Gallows of Kirkwall, their version of the Circle Tower, but the correspondence had ended abruptly while plans were being made to free Karl from the prison. He would need backup, and he couldn't squander this opportunity.

Kyra Hawke had agreed to help him that evening, which turned into one of the worst nights of Anders' life. A longtime friend dead, by Anders own hands. Another loss of control over Justice. A late night return to the clinic found Hawke demanding answers that even Anders wasn't sure he could give. After such an emotional evening, drained from energy and will, Anders filled Hawke in on his joining with Justice. He longed for someone to talk to about it; having left his only confidant behind in Maker knows what condition.

And he found that in Hawke. Her strength and wit, as well as her compassion, reminded him of Elaine.

Once they had finally established somewhat of a friendship, Hawke began flirting with Anders. It started with Hawke telling him Justice should not complain about his looks, and Anders ended it just as quickly.

"No, don't go there," he said to her. "That's not going to end well." Images flashed in his mind of his hands around Elaine's throat, and he forced himself to push them aside. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Hurt me, I might like it," Hawke said boldly, and Anders immediately pictured Elaine having that same type of response. Carefree, daring, open and honest. He swore these two women must've been related, given their strong and bold attitudes.

"No," he insisted once more to her. "You saw what I did in the Chantry. That's who I am. I can not trust myself to control Justice." He turned his back on her, voice softened as if he'd break at any moment. "The true reason I fled to Kirkwall was because of a woman. Justice had taken control and was crushing her throat in his hands, her life fading out of existence. The last words I remember her speaking were to Justice within me, begging him to let me go. She was more concerned about Justice's hold on me than her own life." Anders heard Hawke move closer to him to offer some sort of comfort. "I will never put someone through that again."

"You loved her," Hawke had asked.

"I love her still," came his immediate response.

His pain was obvious to anyone who came in contact with him, but after some time things shifted. His pain, anguish and despair merged with his combined need with Justice to begin working on their plan to free mages. Whenever he thought about Elaine, or Karl, Justice was there to remind him of the bigger picture. Hawke began taking advantage of his healing skills and requested he join her on several missions, and soon he found himself surrounded by a new group of people he dared to call friends.

* * *

During her years in Denerim, Elaine had made several attempts to contact Morrigan. Either she was being ignored or something was wrong with the witch, and Elaine grew more concerned with each passing month. She had sent word to some contacts in Lothering to head out to Flemeth's old hut and see if Morrigan was staying in her old home, and word returned that the witch was indeed spotted there only a few weeks ago. By this time Morrigan would've already given birth to her child, and Elaine wondered what could possibly bring her back to the home she'd shared with her mother. Reports were very specific stating Morrigan was alone.

Alistair was preparing to leave Denerim to take care of some Warden business in Kirkwall. He had tried to convince Elaine to come with him, but Elaine wanted to use this time apart to travel to the Kocari Wilds. She told Alistair she would go to Lothering to check on the progress of the rebuilt town on behalf of the Wardens, and to send word to her there if he needed her. As much as he protested, Alistair couldn't change her mind, and the two finally parted ways.

Years of being away from the Wilds and yet they were still so familiar they were to her. Elaine navigated through the trees with ease, battling the occasional wild animal, taking in the beauty of the land no longer littered with darkspawn. When she approached the hut of Morrigan and Flemeth, she was startled to hear movement inside. It seemed Morrigan had returned, and had already begun causing trouble for the local Dalish. She had stolen an important, ancient book from them, and one of the Dalish was in the hut going through Morrigan's things in an attempt to find her. It was clear the witch was long gone, but Elaine agreed to help the Dalish woman, Ariane, attempt to find her lost artifact.

A visit to the Circle to study what was in this book Morrigan stole proved to be more difficult for Elaine than she had thought. Her and Ariane ended up bringing another mage along in their quest. Finn was his name, excitable to say the least, but it wasn't until one night at camp that Elaine regretted letting him tag along.

Anders. She thought about him every day, and still allowed the tears to come at night before drifting off to sleep. Yes it had been years, but the feelings remained, regardless. And when Finn made mention that he had seen Anders shortly after he left her, the emotions nearly overwhelmed her. She had heard nothing from him, had no news about him, but now the opportunity to begin searching presented itself. Though it was quite some time ago, Finn told Elaine that Anders was considering going to Kirkwall in search of an old friend.

Elaine tortured herself with this news. Alistair had wanted her to go to Kirkwall with him and she hadn't. She could already be reunited with Anders if only…

Foolish thoughts. Anders knew how to find her if he really had the desire to. Any number of Grey Warden outposts could get a message to her. He didn't want to be found. And he didn't want to find her. It was a fact she couldn't let herself ignore.

She made a plan to find Morrigan and make sure she was alright, and then left for Kirkwall immediately afterward. Before they set off to continue their hunt, Elaine sent word to Alistair to wait for her at the outpost in the Planasene Forest, just outside of Kirkwall.

* * *

Alistair could not believe the city was under attack, and that Qunari suddenly surrounded him and his fellow Grey Wardens. What was supposed to be a quick trip into the city's Lowtown to meet with a Carta informant turned into outright chaos. There was nowhere for them to go without engaging in battle, which Alistair had avoided as much as he could. The Qunari left him little choice though, and before he knew it the fighting began.

Dozens of Qunari flooded into the corner of Lowtown where he'd gather with his men, and there seemed to be no end to them. Alistair's only goal was to escape the city without getting involved in whatever problem these men had with the citizens of Kirkwall, but the Qunari were not making it easy for him. He was able to deflect many of the attacks, having learned a lot by traveling with Sten and learning how to defend against a member of the Qun. Yet the battle was going poorly, as they were heavily outnumbered.

Suddenly fireballs and ice rained down through the square, and Alistair noticed a group of four making their way through the mess. He and his men refocused on the fight when it appeared this group was there to help them, and their combined efforts led to a bloody end for the Qunari in this section of the city.

Alistair took a moment to thank the group for their help. "On the list of things I thought might happen today, a Qunari attack would have been near the bottom!" The only woman in the group smiled, introduced herself as Hawke, and he gave her a proper bow. "Thank you for your help. I don't think we've met. My name is Alistair."

"Alistair?"

He heard a familiar voice as he began walking away and turned, nearly falling over at the sight of the mage. "Anders. Maker's breath man, what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question," Anders said folding his arms across his chest. "Come to bring me back?"

"Uhm, no," Alistair surprised him. "We didn't even know you were here."

"We?" Anders took a moment to look at the Wardens with Alistair but didn't see who he was looking for. "Is she here with you? Is she alright?"

Alistair narrowed his eyes at Anders, and surprised everyone watching the interaction when he punched Anders hard across the jaw. Hawke made a move toward Alistair but Anders put out his arm to hold her back, as the other Wardens now moved in front of Alistair. The oddly tattooed elf behind Anders had a wide grin on his face.

"She's fine," Alistair said as he turned his back on the group again. "I'd like nothing better than to stay and help, catch up on old times and all that, but unfortunately, the mission we're on can't be delayed."

The woman, Hawke, spoke again. "There's something more important than an invasion? We could use your help defending the city. Reinforcements would come in handy if we fail."

Alistair nodded, looking from Anders to the rogue before him. A striking resemblance to Elaine, Alistair realized, but stopped himself from getting distracted. "Grey Wardens mustn't involve themselves in wars like this, I apologize." As his fellow Wardens walked ahead of him, Alistair gave them one more glance. His eyes softened a bit toward Anders, not apologizing for hitting him, but feeling pity for the man. "Maker watch over you my friend. And over us all."

* * *

Elaine sat in her room at Dane's Refuge in Lothering staring at the ceiling. She was exhausted from her travels to the Brecilian Forest, then the Deep Roads, and finally the Dragonbone Wastes. Morrigan was indeed there, waiting for her, and the two were able to converse privately. Elaine replayed the conversation with Morrigan in her mind for the hundredth time since her return, and still couldn't figure out the hidden meaning behind it all.

" _The child is an innocent. He is safe, and beyond your reach. He knows nothing of the destiny that lies before him. My plan is to leave and prepare the child for what is to come. Such preparation requires time and power. I must have both if I am to be successful. More than this, I dare not say, even to you._

" _Change is coming to the world. Many fear change, and will fight it with every fiber of their being. But sometimes, change is what they need most. Sometimes, change is what sets them free. I know tis not the answer you seek, but tis all I have to give. I am sorry. For everything."_

And then she was gone. Through the portal she had created to a time or place Elaine dare not follow. She had left Elaine a gift she said, and when Elaine discovered it was Flemeth's real grimoire, she assumed all the answers she needed would be within. Unfortunately Elaine could barely begin to understand it, as Flemeth had written the book in an ancient tongue Elaine was unfamiliar with. Whatever secrets it held would have to wait.

And then word that Anders was indeed alive and in Kirkwall had come from Alistair. The letter was short so it was impossible to know if he was okay, or how Alistair even came to gain this information. But his simple "Justice in Kirkwall" message spoke volumes. The nosy innkeeper had asked why someone would bother to send a note like this when everyone already knew the Champion of Kirkwall had slain the Arishok. Elaine didn't know or care about the war in the foreign city. She only cared that the note meant her love was still alive.

She would rest for the evening and then begin the journey to Kirkwall.


	14. Vimmark (aka The Journey Revisisted)

Elaine met up with Alistair a week later, fully intent on storming the city of Kirkwall until she found what she was looking for. Unfortunately, her fellow Grey Warden had other plans in mind, and her search for Anders would have to wait.

Deep within the Vimmark mountains was a Grey Warden prison, home to an ancient Tevinter magister named Corypheus. Alistair explained to Elaine that they had received word a current magister of Tevinter had plans to release Corypheus from his prison. Though Elaine despised the setback in her plans to visit the city, she was gently reminded she was a Grey Warden first, and a woman with emotions second. She studied the documents Alistair had secured on the subject, taking some with her and rewriting others to study as they began their journey.

As they came closer to the ruins, which seemed to be in the middle of nowhere, that old familiar feeling in the pit of their stomachs returned.

"Darkspawn," Alistair confirmed Elaine's instincts as they saw the looming dwarven structure in the distance. "Seems like we're getting closer."

"Why would there be darkspawn here?" Elaine asked as she adjusted her pack and freed her staff. "I thought this place was supposed to be abandoned?"

Alistair shrugged. "From what little reports we could find, it was all but abandoned. The ruins run deep, enough to connect with the Deep Roads, so it's safe to assume this Corypheus is calling to them. Something woke it from its imprisoned slumber."

Elaine sighed with disbelief. "I'm kind of getting tired of the Grey Wardens and their old buildings filled with evil. I wonder if they've learned anything from their past?"

"Apparently not well enough to take care of the things they've left behind," Alistair agreed. "Now it's up to us I suppose."

"Ha," Elaine scoffed, "lucky us. How did you even find out about all this?"

"A letter was intercepted from a magister in Tevinter to the local Carta in Kirkwall. Something about the heir of Malcolm Hawke's blood being needed 'in the name of Master Corypheus'."

"Malcolm Hawke?" Elaine's eyes flashed of recognition.

"Do you know the name?" Alistair prodded.

"If it's an heir of Malcolm Hawke and Leandra Amell, then they would be a cousin of mine, yes," Elaine stated.

Alistair beamed in understanding. "That makes perfect sense!"

She looked confused. "Uhm, explain?"

"I believe I met this heir," Alistair filled her in. "She was with Anders in Kirkwall. I swore her looks and attitude reminded me of you. Of course you'd be related."

"Really," Elaine's eyes widened. "And just what type of attitude reminds you of me?"

Alistair displayed a sheepish grin. "Well it was only briefly. But she did look like you." He tried to get off the topic before sticking his foot in his mouth yet again. "Any plans on what you're going to say to Anders if you find him?"

Elaine ignored him, reaching into her pack to pull out the notes she brought with her. The first were transcribed copies of their originals, too delicate for travel:

_The Wardens did not guard the key with care. It was left in a repository, with objects of little worth. Trinkets. Dusty Grey Warden trophies. Not even a guard posted. Fools. If only they knew what they had, and had will not wake at my touch; it sleeps and its power remains within. The Great One says it requires Malcolm Hawke's blood to awaken it. Only then can its powers set him free.I will find the heir to the blood and the Great One will reward me. Yes. Let it be soon._

_All we hear is that this is one of the great Grey Warden secrets. "It must be protected at all costs." As usual, they are most concerned with deceiving their own people. But why hide that the Deep Roads were shaped by not only dwarves but Wardens?Early Wardens discovered that some darkspawn could think and speak and command portions of the horde even after the Archdemon's death. A few could wield magic with the skill of a Tevinter magister, and the Wardens feared was here, in the Vimmark Mountains, that Warden Sashamiri set her trap to capture and study the greatest of these creatures, the one they called Corypheus._

_It would be wasteful to kill such a creature. If it can be captured, tamed somehow, its unnatural influence over the darkspawn could perhaps be turned to my favor. It is clear the darkspawn will never bow to human commands, but this Corypheus seems at times more human than beast. I have conversed with it, and though it's thoughts are distorted and inhuman, it speaks of the Old Gods by their Tevinter names. I have wondered if perhaps he is no darkspawn at all, but a ghoul, so corrupted by the taint as to have become a new creature entirely. It uses spells both human and tainted._

And in her own hand, her thoughts on what she had learned:

_The records say Corypheus has been trapped below the Vimmark since the days of the Tevinter Imperium. Can it be coincidence that the darkspawn besiege this area more fiercely than anywhere else on the surface of Thedas? Or that Kirkwall, the closest city, suffers from endless plagues of violence, lunacy, human sacrifice, and blood magic?If one studies Kirkwall's public records, it becomes hard to deny that some malevolent force has long shaped its history. Could a darkspawn, even a powerful mage, have such influence even as it slumbers?_

"Alistair, if all of this is true…"

"We'll take care of it before it goes too far. Talking darkspawn is your specialty, is it not?"

They reached the entrance to the grand fortress moments later, and Elaine gave Alistair a look of desperation. "We're not seriously going in there are we? It'll take forever to find our way through!"

Alistair smiled mischievously. "You, the Warden Commander, afraid of a few darkspawn?"

Elaine almost kicked him as they entered the fortress, and a voice began to call to them in their minds.

* * *

It seemed his companions had as much of a tainted history as he did. In the years Anders had been in Kirkwall, many things had changed for him, Justice, and the people he now called friends. Hawke had developed a relationship with a former Tevinter slave named Fenris. In a strange twist of fate, old friends of Elaine's had come into his life; Zevran, an Antivan Crow, and Isabela, former pirate of the seas. Anders had known Isabela from his past, and had learned she knew Elaine as well. Anders kept his former relationship from the two after discovering they knew her, not wanting to reopen old wounds.

Recently Fenris' former master and sister had taken Kirkwall by storm, tormenting Hawke, Fenris, and friends with blood magic and manipulation. During two days of confusion and miscommunication, Hawke had been taken by Danarius. Varania, Fenris' sister explained to the group that Hawke's blood was the key to a prison which held an ancient Tevinter magister Danarius had planned to release. Danarius believed he could control, or absorb, the ancient's power, and become unstoppable in his quest for dominance throughout the Tevinter Imperium.

Varania's information led them to the Vimmark mountains, and already Anders regretted his decision to come along. Seeing the fortress before them, knowing it only led to the Deep Roads, Anders felt his insides stir at the thought of entering the darkspawn riddled passages once again.

"Will you look at that." Zevran said in awe at the looming structure in the distance.

"Some kind of fortress," Fenris questioned what his eyes were seeing. "Out here?"

"There should be no 'here'," Isabela stated. "No one has even heard of this place."

"And it appears we're not alone," Anders said spotting something up ahead.

As they moved closer, they discovered corpses of darkspawn. "What brings them to the surface I wonder?" Anders said, kicking one to make sure it was dead.

"My guess is they were running from something," Zevran said as the trail of bodies continued on to a deep chasm.

"I really need to stay out of the Deep Roads," Anders sighed as they continued on toward the large door in the rock.

A sense of uneasiness ran through the group as they entered the fortress. Darkspawn corpses littered the ground, thankfully already dead, but at whose hands no one was certain. Anders began hearing something in his mind, someone calling to him, and it concerned his companions. It seemed the closer they got the core of the prison, the stronger the voice in Anders' head became. Even Fenris commented on hearing something, though he wasn't sure what.

"This is a strange business," Fenris stated. "I do not like it."

They continued on, passing several rooms that appeared to have been cells at one time, now empty, except for fresh corpses of Desire demons and Profanes. They came upon a larger room with four pillars positioned in the center of a circle, which appeared to have been used for some sort of ritual. Further inspection revealed the innermost point held fresh blood.

Fenris knelt down in the circle and inspected the blood. Fearing the worst, he allowed a moment of sadness to wash over him, until they heard the scream from beneath them as the walls around them shook.

"Did you hear that?" Fenris asked jumping up.

"I heard it," Isabela said looking around, suddenly feeling afraid.

"That was Hawke!" Fenris yelled as he began running toward the door that led to the second level.

Zevran grabbed his arm and stopped him. "Slow down my friend, it will not help us to run headstrong into battle."

Anders stood behind them, now holding his head. "I'm not listening, I'm not listening," he repeated over and over.

Isabela looked at him with concern. "Easy, hold it together, deep breaths."

Zevran looked at Anders and then back to Fenris. "After you my friend."

Fenris sighed as they moved quickly down a long flight of stairs. "How deep does this hole go?" he asked himself. The others followed quickly behind, trying to remain as quiet as possible while still maintaining speed. More torches on this level, more corpses of Emissaries and Genlocks. Several entrances were blocked by cave-ins, and the group picked up the pace, following the bodies.

For a moment they were almost running through the levels of empty halls until Zevran stopped them. "Wait, look at this," he said kneeling down to inspect one of the Genlocks.

"It's a darkspawn, let us move on," Fenris said, frustrated that they had stopped.

"I know my friend, but it is most interesting how he died."

Fenris and Isabela inspected the body more closely. "Are those... sword cuts?" Isabela asked.

"Precisely," Zevran stated, smiling.

"I thought Danarius was a mage?" Isabela asked, clearly not understanding.

"It means, my precious pirate wench, that we are not alone down here. Someone else is killing darkspawn."

* * *

"Sounds like he's getting closer," Elaine said as she stood, brushing herself off. She and Alistair had stopped briefly to refuel after battling the darkspawn. Elaine made a quick fire and they had something to eat while setting a trap for Danarius. It was said that four seals needed to be broken, by the blood of a Hawke, in order for Corypheus to be freed. Knowing that battling a Tevinter magister would be a bit difficult head on, they decided to ensnare him before the final seal. As the screams echoed through the halls and the structure shook around them, both Wardens were a bit uneasy in their decision.

They abandoned the fire and moved toward one of the mystical prison cells, preparing their ambush while Danarius made his way to the lower level. The plan was simple; Alistair would smite him, Elaine would freeze him, they would grab Hawke, and then seal Danarius into the cell that lay open for him.

It surprised them both when their plan had actually been successful. Distracted by the unsuspecting smite from the trained Templar, Elaine was able to get off a Hand of Winter spell, freezing Danarius in place as she grabbed Hawke. She brought a knife to the woman's throat as Danarius watched in horror at the potential loss of his precious _key_.

"I will slit her throat before I allow you to go any further," Elaine said convincingly.

The magister took a step back before the full force of Elaine's Stonefist spell knocked him into the cell. While it didn't shatter him as she had hoped, it was enough to force him into the prison cell, and Alistair quickly activated the barrier, sealing him in.

"Sorry," Elaine muttered as she released her hold on Hawke. "Had to make it convincing."

Hawke rubbed her throat and nodded, recognizing Alistair when she turned around. " _You_ ," she said hoarsely, clearly exhausted from her recent ordeal.

"I told you I had important business," he smiled at her as he helped her walk down the hall. "Elaine here is no healer, so let's tend to your wounds as best we can."

Elaine sighed. "Always focusing on my flaws," she laughed teasingly as they moved away from Danarius, where he fumed in his cell.

"We were never formally introduced, were we?" Alistair asked as he lifted the sleeve of Hawke's shirt to find the gash on her arm from Danarius' attack. "I am Alistair. And the feisty mage over there is Elaine."

Hawke took a moment to look up at the mage and smiled. "You seem familiar," she said as Elaine handed her a water skin. "Were you in Kirkwall as well?"

Elaine shook her head, preparing a fire to allow Hawke some rest. "I am an Amell," she stated plainly. "I believe we are cousins of sorts."

Hawke's eyes widened at the admission. "You're the Hero of Ferelden?"

Alistair chuckled as he wrapped Hawke's arm with a bandage. "Famous even here," he muttered mocking her title.

Elaine nudged him in the back with her boot as she sat down by the newly created fire. "I'm just me," she said honestly. "And what about you, _Champion of Kirkwall_?"

Hawke laughed, the same light in her eyes as Elaine's. "I suppose I'm just me as well," she said. "Danarius… is he secure in that room?"

Elaine nodded. "Only your blood will release that prison," she explained. "I take it you and he have some history?"

Hawke nodded. "He is an evil man. Tortured someone I care deeply for, branded him with lyrium and kept him as a slave for years. I rather hope he rots down here for eternity."

Elaine understood, feeling the brief pain her cousin allowed to come through in her words. "I'm sure we'll figure out a fitting punishment for him." Elaine shook her head for a moment, and looked at Alistair to see if he was feeling the same. "We have to do something about this guy Alistair," Elaine warned. "I can't get him out of my head."

"I know," Alistair said finishing with Hawke's wounds. "There you go, best I can do for now, I'm afraid. Once we get Corypheus settled we can head out, get you some healing magic."

Elaine stood suddenly in alarm, causing Alistair and Hawke to do the same. She felt something in the pit of her stomach, something familiar, yet thought long gone. Alistair noticed it too. "Darkspawn?"

"No," Elaine said softly, recognizing the shared tainted soul. "Wait here," she told him as she began walking away from the two.

"Elaine, what is it?" Alistair began to follow, but she turned to him, eyes wet with tears.

"It's Anders."

* * *

Anders was looking off into the distance, a sudden overwhelming feeling taking control of him. "Something is close."

"Something?" Zevran questioned. "Like darkspawn something?"

Anders thought for a moment. "If I could only make him stop talking... I could... oh _Maker_ make him stop talking!"

"The abomination is hearing voices, how unexpected," Fenris said rolling his eyes. "Hear who?" he asked.

"Corypheus. I can hear Corypheus." Anders knelt down holding his head. "Wardens... the Joining... I have too much taint in my blood. I can't shut him out."

"Anders?" Isabela studied her companion. "Shit, it's this place, it's making him mad. Aren't we supposed to slap him or something?"

"Help me," Anders said now kneeling on the ground. "I will... _not... be... controlled!_ "

In an instant Anders was gone, Justice taking over, and simultaneously two Shades were summoned from the Fade to attack. Fenris swung at the Shade on the left as Isabela danced with the one on the right. Zevran flashed behind Justice trying to gain an advantage to take him down, but Justice was faster. He swung backward, tossing Zevran against the wall, as he ran toward Fenris.

"Look out!" Isabela screamed at Fenris as she continued to battle her Shade. Fenris sidestepped out of the way as Justice took a swing at him with Anders' staff. Zevran rejoined the battle, cutting down the Shade Fenris had engaged and he once again tried to get behind Justice. Fenris tried to keep Justice distracted as Zevran made a move, and sliced Justice in the side with one of his daggers. He yelled out in pain but continued to pursue Fenris, swinging wildly out of frustration and desperation.

Isabela finished killing her Shade, and joined the elves as they formed a circle around Justice. He spun around in an attempt to see who was the easier target. They circled him, moving in closer, and Justice released one of Anders spells that knocked them all backward.

" _Shit_ ," Isabela exclaimed as she landed hard on her ass. " _That's_ gonna hurt."

Zevran was up within seconds, both daggers out as he faced off with Justice. Fenris soon joined them, and again all three had surrounded the spirit. Justice released a growl, preparing his next move.

" _Justice!_ "

A shout from down the corridor startled all four of them. Elaine walked toward them, holding her staff in front of her, and she released a spell that froze Justice in place. She continued in his direction until she was mere inches from him, and brought her hand to his cheek. "Justice, you mustn't do this," she said softly, addressing the spirit within her former lover. "It wasn't fair to Kristoff, and it's certainly not right with Anders. He is your friend."

He looked at the woman before him, realization sinking in from memory and from Anders. He didn't speak a word as she put her staff behind her and took his hand in hers. "Release him," she said sternly.

He bowed his head to her, and with a bright flash Justice was gone, relinquishing control back to Anders. Elaine took Anders' other hand as he knelt to the ground, and mere seconds later he looked up at her. "Elaine?"

"Welcome back Anders," she said as he gazed at her longingly, tears in his eyes.

Zevran and Isabela both smiled at her, and Fenris looked at them all in confusion.

"Fenris," Zevran said bowing to the woman. "Allow me to introduce to you the Hero of Ferelden." Fenris nodded in her direction but waited as he watched Elaine's interaction with Anders.

"What are you doing here?" Anders asked after he'd recovered from the shock of seeing Elaine.

"I could ask you the same question, but I imagine I already know the answer," she said as she studied the group in front of her. "How odd we all continue to meet under the strangest circumstances." She held his gaze for a moment, wanting nothing more than to grab him, kiss him, and leave this place with him, never to return. But it was clear he was still struggling from the effects of Justice again overtaking him, and she pretended the images of the spirit hadn't bothered her.

She bowed to Zevran, and ran a soft hand along Isabela's cheek. "My old friends, how I have missed you." Elaine extended a hand to Fenris, recognizing this must be the man Hawke had referred to earlier. "My name is Elaine," she said, introducing herself. "Ignore the pompous title. It means little in places such as this."

Fenris accepted her handshake, feeling the atmosphere change among his group at the mere presence of this woman. "You are not alone here I imagine?"

"Oh no," she said smiling to him as she turned around. "Follow me. I'm certain I have a few things you've been looking for."

They returned down the same corridor that she appeared from, past yet another seal, only this one was free from blood. Down another hall they went which held another row of cells, still holding various demons and darkspawn in some sort of suspended state. "They don't talk much," Elaine said as they went past them. "Unless of course you release them, then they say a lot of _grrs_ and _args_."

"My dear Warden," Zevran said as they continued on, "your sense of humor is still as sexy as I remember."

Fenris sighed. "Do you flirt with everyone?"

Elaine laughed, her sweet voice echoing in the deep halls. "I see your reputation is also intact."

They came to the last cell and Fenris froze. Behind the barrier was Danarius.

"I suppose no introductions are needed," Elaine said as she watched Fenris' expression.

Fenris walked up to the barrier and Danarius stood. They spent several seconds staring at each other.

"Danarius I presume?" Isabela asked.

"Yes," Fenris said, not taking his eyes off his former master. Danarius said nothing, smiling wickedly at Fenris, and then returned to the back corner of his cell and sat down again.

"We'll get back to him," Elaine said as she continued around the corner.

The party followed as the walls were aglow with firelight from a campfire. At the end of the hall was Alistair, his back turned to the group and blocking their view of Hawke.

"Ahem," Elaine coughed, interrupting them. "Your friends have arrived."

"Hawke?" Fenris spoke her name quietly, walking towards her.

Hawke smiled at him and moved toward him as well, and in a move that surprised their friends, Fenris hugged her.

"Ooh, careful" Hawke said, softly laughing as Fenris almost crushed her.

He released her and studied her. "Are you hurt? We heard you scream..."

"I'm alright," she said quickly. "Though I'm glad you have Anders with you, I could use a bit of healing."

Anders broke out of his internal struggle over Elaine when he heard Hawke say his name.

Zevran now stepped forward and spoke to Alistair. "Why am I not surprised to see you with her," he said, extending his hand.

"I like to live dangerously," Alistair chuckled as he shook Zevran's hand.

"Alistair!" Isabela exclaimed as she ran to him and jumped into his arms.

He grabbed her and steadied himself so they wouldn't fall over. "Isabela," he struggled to speak under her grip, "have you gained weight?"

She hit him hard in the chest after jumping off him, and gave Hawke a hug as well. "Good to see you alive Hawke," she said. "But a little annoyed too that I got all dirty to save someone who was already saved."

Hawke gestured for the group to sit. "It seems there's some catching up to do," she said as she sat down.

Elaine and Anders heard little of the conversation taking place around them. While Hawke and her friends reported to each other the events of the past few days, and Alistair filled them in on what the Grey Wardens had gathered, the two mages continued to stare at each other. Their eyes held a silent conversation for them. Longing, questions, relief, sadness. Elaine had wished everyone would just melt away so she'd have a chance to talk to him, but knew that wouldn't happen anytime in the near future.

They were snapped out of their thoughts when the conversation turned to them, and Elaine heard Hawke say her name. A soft laugh at first, and then, "I'm sorry Alistair, but at least you and Elaine can set it right now."

"Yup," Alistair said cheerfully. "That's what we're here for. Securing random prisons around Thedas that the old Wardens forgot about."

"But what is this place?" Anders asked, finally joining in the conversation.

"It is an ancient Grey Warden prison," Alistair explained to the mage, watching him and Elaine. "We received word that the darkspawn had returned here, so we were sent to investigate. From all the history books we could get our hands on, we surmised the prison defenses should've been enough to keep them out. The books were wrong."

"At least the seals kept Corypheus locked up," Elaine continued, "but we had no idea he could still call to the darkspawn until we got here, and were able to hear his voice ourselves."

"Anders heard it too," Zevran confirmed. "A Warden thing?"

"Unfortunate side effect," Alistair stated without going into detail.

"We were already here when Danarius brought Hawke down," Elaine explained. "We could feel the seals breaking, so we set up a trap before the final seal to catch him."

"And he fell for it?" Fenris questioned, finding it difficult to believe only the three of them had been able to take Danarius alive.

"We managed to get Hawke away from him," Alistair explained, "and that was enough to make him stop. He couldn't risk killing her before the final seal. What he didn't know was who he was facing. Another mage and a Templar can make things a bit difficult."

"My my Alistair, you've grown cocky," Isabela said gushing over him.

He blushed and then pouted, pretending to look hurt. "I did help with the Archdemon you know, I know _some_ things."

Anders interrupted the conversation, not being able to stand the uncomfortable feeling in the air. "Kyra, let me tend to your wounds."

Hawke looked at Anders and then nodded, standing up. "We can go over here for some room," she suggested and gestured to a small room not far behind them. "Excuse us," she said to the group as they left.

Once Anders and Hawke were out of earshot, Elaine asked quietly. "How is he?"

Isabela spoke. "Who, Anders?"

"Yes," Elaine confirmed, nodding.

"He's okay. A bit moody, thinks he can save all the mages of the world. Actually a bit annoying now that I think about it," Isabela looked at her old friend. "Why?"

Elaine shrugged. "Just curious."

* * *

"Are you alright?" Hawke had asked Anders once they were alone.

Anders tended to her wounds at first, not wanting to discuss what was going on within him. But Hawke's sincere look broke him, her expressions often reminded him of Elaine's. "I lost control over Justice again. And of all the times for it to happen, she had to witness it…"

"Elaine," Hawke said her name, watching Anders face for confirmation. It clicked in Hawke's mind immediately. "She was the one? The one you told me about?"

He nodded. "In the Circle before my final escape. And again in Amaranthine. She was there when Justice and I... she's the only one that seems to be able to control him."

"And she still has your heart," Hawke said quietly.

"Yes," he said as if admitting it to himself for the first time. "But I can not live the life of a Warden. Or keep putting her in danger with Justice. It's why I fled to Kirkwall after Justice and I merged in Amaranthine."

Hawke sighed, feeling the heaviness of his heart. "You know, as far as relationship advice goes, well don't listen to me," she said softly laughing at her own situation. "But perhaps you should ask yourself why she continues to show up in your life."

Anders turned to look at her. "Kyra, I didn't pursue a relationship with you when I met you because of the pain I know I would've caused you. It's the same with her. I've always run from her."

"And yet here she is again," Hawke stated. "You can't deny this as some coincidence. You said yourself she's the only one that can control Justice. Maybe that too should tell you something."

"No," Anders said standing up. "You don't understand. I nearly killed her the last time I was with her. I cannot do it again."

"She hasn't run from you yet, Anders," Hawke assured him. "I think you should forgive yourself, as it seems she has forgiven you."

Anders hung his head. "I don't know how."

Hawke gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "You'll find a way," she assured him, taking his hand and leading him back to the group. As they approached, Anders' insides cringed as he heard the topic they were discussing.

"And you my dear Warden," Zevran had asked Elaine, "still dangerously single?"

Elaine allowed her eyes to look up as Anders as he walked past her. "Yes," she said loud enough for Anders to hear. "I'm still not over the last man I loved."

Hawke caught Anders' expression and gave him a soft smile, hoping he would mend their broken hearts soon.

* * *

Elaine and Alistair remained to watch over Fenris as he confronted Danarius. Elaine fought hard to convince Hawke this was something she didn't need to witness. Guilt weighed heavily within Anders once more as he heard Elaine begging Hawke to leave, telling her it wouldn't be good for their relationship if she remained to watch Fenris torture Danarius. Anders knew she spoke from experience, having witnessed him attack Alrik so many years ago.

When it was finished, and Danarius no longer a threat, the group left the prison as quickly as possibly. Alistair and Elaine would return in a few days to seal the prison permanently, but for now they escorted their old and new friends back to the city.

Anders kept his distance from Elaine on the journey, remaining behind the group with an equally broody Fenris. Elaine would look back every once in awhile and catch him watching her, but his eyes darted to the ground as soon as they made contact with hers. "Wait until we're in the city," Alistair advised as they walked. "You'll find time to finally talk then."

"And say what?" Elaine asked nervously. "Hi, how have you been since you left me for dead?"

Alistair laughed at her sarcasm. "I wouldn't put it quite like _that_. I'm sure it'll come to you."

Elaine sighed. She hated knowing that he was so close to her literally, but so far away figuratively.

When they returned to the gates of Kirkwall, they had agreed to meet at the Hanged Man, a local tavern, later that evening for some relaxation and drinks. Fenris spoke briefly to the group, thanking them all for their help, and everyone parted ways.

Elaine watched as Anders was about to leave as well, and couldn't stop herself from calling out his name. He turned to her, and for a moment she lost her breath. "Will you be joining us this evening?" Elaine asked, hoping he wasn't going to run away from her again.

Anders appeared to be thinking for a moment, and time stood still for Elaine as she waited for his response. "I wouldn't miss it," he said with a weak smile, and he turned from her and continued walking. She couldn't help the knots forming in her stomach, in anticipation of finally being able to speak with him again, after so many years apart.


	15. Broken Promises

_Without an end, there can be no peace._

* * *

Elaine sat on her bed in her room at the Hanged Man. Sounds of laughter and cheer could be heard from below, old and new friends together conversing and celebrating. She'd heard the stories of what the residents of Kirkwall had endured over the last few months, and was happy for them that their nightmare was finally over.

Yet she was finding it difficult to join them. To walk downstairs, see his face, and feel the strain on her heart as their eyes met. To talk to him, or to be ignored by him, just to be in the same room with him was an overwhelming thought. So much time had passed, and yet it all came rushing back, everything they'd meant to each other, when she saw Anders. Fear, pain, sorrow, the feelings of abandonment all lingered within her heart. And if possible, she found she loved him even more.

She couldn't help but remember their first night together in the Circle, how it all began when he'd called her a prude. The way he dominated her, took control, and made her feel alive. Their first night together in Amaranthine, the night before his Joining, when he had poured his magic over her and into her, bringing their intimacy to a whole new level. She smiled to herself as she recalled that beautiful night in the castle. He had freed her heart and soul from years of hatred and guilt, had taught her how to love herself, and him, completely. It was the first time she'd admitted that she loved him, and she hadn't stopped loving him since.

A soft knock at her door disturbed her thoughts, and she smiled at Alistair as he entered.

"Wow," he said when he saw her, dressed in a soft, light blue robe with her hair up in a bun. "That's a new look for you."

Elaine laughed. "I suppose it's an old look more than a new one," she explained. "I figure a private party is the perfect time to relax in the robes again. Unless you think there will be a fight and I should put my armor on?"

Alistair sat on the bed next to her. "I think you'll be safe. Especially since you haven't left the room."

Elaine playfully hit him on the arm. "I'm working on it," she insisted as she looked at herself in the mirror on the wall opposite the bed. "Sounds like quite the good time down there."

Alistair nodded, watching her in her reflection. "They are all curious where you are." When she didn't respond and continued to stare into the mirror, he answered her unspoken question. "He showed up a few minutes ago."

Immediately the butterflies returned to her stomach, and her heart began to race. Her outward reaction was the flush that rose to her cheeks, and Alistair took her hand as a show of support. "I thought I felt him arrive, but I was hoping I'd have more time. I never thought I'd be this nervous," she confided.

"No, you?" Alistair said sarcastically, mocking her obvious agitation. "Fearsome slayer of Archdemon, afraid of mage? What will the others think?" Elaine stood up and punched him harder this time. He rubbed his arm from the pain and scowled at her. "Ow, I'm injured. Oh, I need a healer! I'll go get one!"

He stood up and went for the door, but Elaine grabbed his arm. "Okay, okay I'm going," she said laughing that he so easily made a fool out of her. "Just give me a minute."

Alistair took her hand and kissed it. He shifted his attitude and looked at her sternly. "You are absolutely beautiful. He is _lucky_ to have you."

Elaine felt her heart swell from the bond she shared with this man. "Thank you Alistair. I thank the Maker every day you are still in my life."

He bowed to her as a final gesture and left the room, and she was once again alone. She went to her pack and retrieved a small box from its safe place tucked between her clothes. She removed the ribbon from its case and tied it around her neck, and Anders' earring settled gently upon her chest.

Finally, it was back where it belonged.

* * *

Elaine made her way down the stairs a few minutes later. The sounds of laughter relaxed her a little, as old and new friends happily greeted her. She didn't see Hawke or Zevran, but the others were enjoying a game of cards. Luck seemed to be with Fenris as he had the biggest stack of coin in front of him. Alistair was engaged in a private conversation with Varric, the dwarf responsible for the party, and the one who'd also arranged for their rooms.

And off in the far corner of the room was Anders, staring intently at her.

Elaine wasn't certain why he chose to sit alone, but she took advantage of it as she made her way through the crowded bar toward him. She hadn't even noticed that Isabela was calling her name; the only person she wanted to talk to was Anders. The bar maiden approached her as she reached his table, and asked her what she wanted to drink.

"Something red," was her reply, her eyes never straying from his.

Anders finally smiled at her. "Some things never change," he said as she took the seat opposite him.

Elaine shrugged. "Why change a good thing?" she asked honestly.

Anders leaned back in his chair as they waited for Elaine's drink, his eyes now focusing on the ribboned necklace she wore. A familiar ache began in the pit of his stomach, and between his legs, as he thought of the first time he had used that very ribbon with her. When her drink finally arrived and they were left alone without further interruption, Anders finally said, "You are still as beautiful as the first time I saw you."

Elaine smiled, blushing slightly. "Careful, you sound like an old man."

Anders laughed, "I feel like one."

Elaine looked at him and tilted her head to the side. "You look tired," she said softly, concerned at how exhausted and broken he appeared.

He managed a weak smile and nodded. "It feels like around every corner there's always something that needs to be done. I admit I'm a bit overwhelmed."

Elaine took a sip of her wine and encouraged him to continue. "Tell me. What have you been up to?"

Anders wasn't certain where to begin. He wasn't comfortable tiptoeing around the inevitable trip down memory lane since the last time they'd seen each other, but he wasn't sure how to approach it. "When I first came here, I opened a clinic," he began, filling her in on the little things he had been doing. His help with the refugees, some small things he had done for Hawke and her companions. He purposely stayed away from the his larger concerns. "What about you?"

"Warden business mostly," Elaine responded. "The last few months I have been on the road. Once we're done here, I'm looking forward to taking some time off." She studied Anders' face for a moment, and then decided she'd had enough mundane conversation. "So, how's Justice?"

Anders blinked in surprise at her question, but then had to smile. "I was wondering how long the idle chat would last."

Elaine laughed with him. "You know me, can't stay civil for very long. Small talk is why I don't do parties."

He felt a little more relaxed as the familiar feeling of just being together soothed over him. As much as he thought he had good reason to feel uncomfortable with her, Anders had to remind himself that this was the woman who had loved him, whom he still loved, and she was someone who had shared more bad than good with him. "Justice has changed," he told her honestly. "We both have."

Elaine nodded, allowing his cryptic explanation for now. "Time will do that to anyone, you especially I imagine," she offered. The door to the Hanged Man swung open and caught their attention; Hawke and Zevran entered the room, causing the loud card-playing table to cheer. Zevran made eye contact with Elaine and smiled at her, and she returned his smile with a wink.

Hawke joined her friends briefly at the large table, yet as soon as she had Fenris' attention, they disappeared together upstairs. Zevran sat with Alistair, and Isabela sauntered over to join them. Anders gave Elaine a small smirk. "Earlier, your friend over there decided to enlighten us all about a very naughty foursome she once enjoyed," he told her, nodding at the table of her former companions. "Which she claims included you."

Elaine almost spit out her wine at the bluntness of the statement, but her reaction was delighted laughter. "I guess you are really ahead of me when it comes to meeting former lovers," she said smiling.

Anders nodded. "More than you know. I met Cullen as well."

Elaine shook her head. "Well, I think that covers all of them," she said, astonished. "I was at the Circle not too long ago, but Cullen was no longer there."

"He's here," Anders informed her. "Came here shortly before I did."

Elaine sighed. "Such a lifetime ago it seems. And a small world that so many people I know are in Kirkwall now. Even Hawke and I are related, and through her I've met all my old friends again."

"You and Hawke are related?" Anders was surprised at the statement. "I always thought she reminded me of you, now I know why."

"And you are the second person to say this to me," Elaine mused. "Alistair said her attitude reminded him of me. I still fail to see the connection. I don't think either one of us has an attitude." She frowned.

Without thinking, Anders reached for her hand that rested on the table. "Trust me love, you two could be sisters." Elaine was taken aback by the gesture and the by the term of endearment. It certainly felt like old times, two friends reminiscing, but his actions pulled at her heart and brought sadness to her eyes. Anders realized his error immediately and began to apologize. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have…"

"It's alright," she whispered, composing herself. She shrugged and brought a smile to her face again. "It's bound to happen right?"

Anders stood, causing Elaine a moment of panic when he pushed his chair under the table and grabbed his drink. But he wasn't leaving. "Can we go to your room? I know we have more to say to each other, and some things I need to tell you aren't meant for anyone else to hear." He extended his hand to her. "I don't think either of us are capable of anymore small talk either."

Elaine nodded and stood, accepting his hand. As they walked up the stairs together, she knew her former companions were watching.

* * *

Elaine had thought about this moment for such a long time. Now here he was, alone with her in her room, and all she wanted to do was kiss him. She wanted to forget the past and make up for lost time; finding each other again through an impossible turn of events. Yet she knew by the look in his eyes that he had a lot weighing him down, and he needed to unburden himself. She sat on the bed, grabbed a pillow and placed it in her lap, just as she had always done when they talked in the past. She then waited patiently for him to become comfortable enough to speak.

The overwhelming scent of her that filled the room was impossible to ignore. Anders watched her waiting for him, a familiar sight that brought back so many memories and emotions. She always had patience with him, always knew when to be serious, or break the tension with a joke, or when to simply remain silent until he could find the right words to say what he needed to say. It was this bond, this complete understanding of each other, that he had missed the most. For a moment he thought about skipping the conversation; make love to her instead and leave the past behind them. But he owed her more than that. She deserved to know the truth, and she also needed to be warned of what was to come.

"I don't know where to begin," he started honestly. "There is no explanation that will erase the pain I know I've caused you." He leaned against the dresser and looked at her. "I wanted to return to you so many times."

"So why didn't you?" she asked softly. "I mean, I got your letter and all, but I still don't quite understand why you left. We had agreed to work through it together; I was going to help you and Justice both. And you took that option away from me." She felt the tears threatening to form, but forced them back with a deep breath.

Anders looked away from her. "When he takes over, I have no control; my actions are not my own. I felt his grip on your throat, knew the strength he put into it, and could do nothing to stop him." He met her gaze again, eyes glistening. "I was screaming within myself, begging him to stop, hoping you could hear me. You called for me to help you and I couldn't." He moved to sit on the edge of the bed next to her. "It wasn't until you called for _him_ and asked _him_ to release me that I could move again, and by then it was almost too late to save you."

Elaine held his hand as he relived the moment, rubbing his knuckles with her thumb. "But you _did_ save me," she said.

"It wasn't only me that wanted to run," he continued explaining. "My thoughts are no longer only my own. Justice was distraught as well over what had happened, and convinced me that we had to leave until we could learn to adjust to each other. I began researching spirit possession, trying to learn as much as I could so that we could co-exist, and so that, one day, I could return to you."

"But you never did," Elaine pointed out. "Is it still a problem for you?"

Anders nodded. "Not long after I left Amaranthine, I came to Kirkwall to aid a friend from the Circle who'd recently been transferred here. When I discovered he had been made tranquil, Justice took over, and several Templars were slaughtered. Right in the heart of the Chantry."

Elaine closed her eyes for a moment, feeling the pain he was feeling, and tried to steady herself to be supportive for him. When she felt both his hands on hers, she opened her eyes to meet his gaze once more. "There's more, isn't there?" she asked.

Anders squeezed her hands gently. "After the assault on the Templars, the situation between the Order and the mages became increasingly difficult. One Templar in particular, the one responsible for making my friend Karl tranquil, had begun pressuring his superiors to embrace his warped theory that any mage with a disciplinary problem should be made tranquil. When he was denied backing from the Knight Commander and the Chantry, he took matters into his own hands."

" _Maker_ ," Elaine whispered, shivering at the thought.

"I organized a mage underground, helping as many mages as I could escape the Gallows before this man got his hands on more innocent people, who just happened to have been born with magic. Hawke assisted me on one of these missions, and we were confronted by the man himself." Anders took a deep breath as he filled her in. "It was Alrik, Elaine. He was here, in Kirkwall, torturing mages into submission."

Elaine felt her blood run cold after hearing the name of the one man who'd haunted her past. "You said _was_ ," she noticed. "Is he gone?"

"He's dead," Anders confided. "When I saw him… Justice took over before I could do anything. They had cornered a mage that was trying to escape. A young girl. We killed dozens of Templars who'd followed Alrik and his ideas. The anger inside me, at remembering how he'd slipped my grasp in Amaranthine, Justice was fueled by it and I couldn't control him. Hawke tried, unsuccessfully, to get Justice to release me. Trapped in such fury and hate, fueled by it, Justice killed the innocent mage." Anders wiped a tear from his cheek. "It was only when Justice realized what he had done that he let me go, but by then her blood was already on my hands."

Elaine didn't know what to say to comfort him. She felt her own guilt, knowing that she was partly to blame for the hatred Anders held for Alrik. "You weren't in control Anders," she tried. "It was an accident."

"You seem to be the only one that can control him," Anders pointed out, ignoring her sympathy. "Had I not left you, or brought you here with me, you would've been able to stop him. You were right; I shouldn't have left. Together we could've worked on this." He pulled his hands away from her and stood. "My own foolish stupidity caused that girl to die."

Elaine got off the bed and went to him, grabbing him by the arms. "You can not allow this guilt to consume you Anders. It was an accident. You can't blame yourself because you left. If it wasn't for my history with Alrik, you may not have been as angry as you were. 'What if' is a dangerous game to play, so don't."

He looked down at her and saw the sincerity in her eyes, and knew she really believed what she said. For him to believe it though would be much more difficult. One of his hands dared to touch the ribbon hanging from her neck and followed its soft texture to her cleavage where his earring rested, sparkling in the soft light. He caressed the earring at first, and then her exposed skin. Having her this close, with her hands on him, Anders lost all control and finally gave into what his body had wanted since she'd walked into the bar. He pressed his lips on hers firmly, licking them until she allowed him entrance, and closed his eyes at the familiar feel of her tongue sliding on his.

She didn't resist. Instead she put her arms around him, pulling him closer until she felt no space between them. Their soft kissing turned into a panting need, desperation and longing driving them to a passionate frenzy. Without warning, Anders suddenly felt Justice pushing toward the surface, and he quickly pulled away from her.

"I'm sorry," Anders managed as he fought in desperation to control the spirit within. "I _can't_ ," he whispered as he saw the confusion in her eyes.

"He won't allow it," Elaine stated as she went to him, ignoring his attempts at distance. Anders responded with silence, and Elaine knew that things _had_ changed. It seemed Justice was more in control, and Anders was struggling to hold onto himself. She brought her hand to his face as he closed his eyes. "Let him through," she asked.

His eyes opened wide and he pulled away from her again, moving toward the opposite side of the bed. "No," he cautioned. "I wouldn't _dare_."

"You said yourself I was the only one who could control him. So let me. I wish to speak with him."

"You don't understand," he pleaded. "He's no longer the Justice you and I knew. He is nothing but a vengeance within me, and I fear what he may do to you. Please don't ask this of me."

Elaine sat on the bed once more and submitted to his request. "Does he understand I wouldn't harm either of you? Is it even possible for you to communicate that to him?"

Anders dared to sit across from her but kept some distance between them. "I guess the best way to explain it, is he feeds off my emotions. He knows you are a distraction, and it seems he will do all he can to keep me focused on the bigger picture."

"And what is the bigger picture, exactly?" she asked, needing to know what was going on in Anders' head so she could work around it.

Anders thought for a moment, face turned away from her, as he reminded her of the past. "I told you once one of the reasons Justice and I wished for the joining; I wanted to be able to protect you, and provide freedom for all mages. Create a future where those born to magic wouldn't suffer as we have." He took a breath of courage before filling her in on their plan. "I took a spirit into my soul and changed myself forever to achieve this. The world needs to see that the Circle is no solution to this never-ending war between us and the Templars."

"I agree with you Anders," Elaine tried. "You know this. What is so different now?"

Anders appeared to struggle internally with his decision to be completely honest. "What I am about to tell you must go no further. I need you to swear to me, if you ever loved me, if you still have those feelings, that you will never tell another soul."

She placed her hand on his. "Of course, you can tell me anything. I hope you still believe that."

Anders felt passion swell within his chest - passion for his cause, and for someone who believed in him and was willing to listen. "Some things matter more than my life, more than either of us. The Chantry must be forced to take a side, and that will only happen if I force their hand." A glimmer of Justice emerged as he spoke. "Years of endless compromises have gotten us nowhere. If the Chantry does not pick a side, _our_ side, we will be forced to remove them completely and fight this war on our own." He softened his gaze upon her. "And if I pay for the destruction of the Chantry with my life, then I pay. Perhaps then Justice will at least be free."

Elaine felt a stabbing pain in her chest from his words, as she attempted to take in everything he had just said. "You are planning to destroy the Chantry? Here in Kirkwall?"

Anders closed his eyes and bowed his head, confirming her statement with his silence. He waited for the her to respond, and when she didn't, he dared to look at her. Her eyes were filled with confusion, looking everywhere but at him, yet he felt a weight had been lifted from within himself, because he'd at least let her know what his future held. "You understand now why I push you away. You are a mage, and association with me will put you in unnecessary danger. You are the Warden Commander, one who cannot possibly get involved in the politics of Templars and mages. I have left the Wardens, left you, and have nothing else to lose."

"You still have me Anders," she whispered. "But this… this is too much. They will _kill_ you!"

"I have no doubt they will. And so we must say goodbye now, and you must flee from Kirkwall before the war begins. I cannot bear to see you harmed again because of me." He stood and looked out the window, hearing her breathing become heavier as the anxiety built within her. "I promise you, this is the last time I will ever have to hurt you."

"Your promises apparently mean _nothing_. You _and_ Justice," she spat, anger and pain washing over her. "You promised to create a better future for both of us. Justice promised to take care of you, to honor our friendship, even after he joined with you. Both of you are breaking those promises!" She leaned forward and held her face in her hands, as her anger gave way to sorrow. "I can't go through this again Anders, _please_ …" she begged. "I can _not_ lose you again!"

He placed his hands on her cheeks lifting her head, as he had done so many times before, and bent down to kiss her softly on her quivering lips. "I am so sorry my love," he said as he withdrew and walked toward the door. "You once told me that being a Grey Warden meant that with war comes sacrifice. This is my war, and I am willing to be that sacrifice." He took one long final glance at her, at the tears in her eyes and the pain which threatened to break free. "Please understand, I must do this," he tried one last time to make her understand, fighting himself when he only wanted to run back to her and beg for her forgiveness. But Justice reminded him: for her safety, for her freedom, they had to let her go. He closed his eyes as his own heart broke all over again, and left quickly before he could change his mind.

She stood up and went to the door, staring at it for several minutes; waiting, hoping that he would realize he'd made a mistake and would return to her. But she knew deep down he wasn't going to. The taint that flowed within their blood grew weaker with every beat of her heart, until she could no longer feel his presence.

It was in that moment she collapsed on the floor, as her legs finally gave out on her. She fell onto her side, brought her knees up to her chest, and cried harder than she had ever cried before. Elaine knew he'd spoken the truth, knew he was going to give up his life for this crusade. With Justice driving their cause, there was no way to stop him; her love would be dead soon, and go down in history as a hero of mages.

And she would be alone.


	16. Forever Begins Today

  
_Change is coming to the world._

_Many fear change and will fight it with every fiber of their being._

_But sometimes, change is what they need most._

_Sometimes, change is what sets them free._

* * *

"This is getting us nowhere," Orsino sighed, shaking his head at yet another verbal squabble with Knight Commander Meredith. Once again she was claiming blood mages had infiltrated the mage's ranks. And once again, her claims were false. His frustration at the constant accusations was building, and even calling the Champion to intervene had done little to end the dispute. "Grand Cleric Elthina will put a stop to this."

He felt Meredith's grasp on his arm, her own anger surfacing. "You will not bring Her Grace into this!"

Anders stepped forward, revealing himself from where he had stood in the shadows watching the argument. "The Grand Cleric cannot help you!"

Meredith released Orsino and walked toward Anders, her eyes narrowing on the apostate. "Explain yourself, _mage_."

Anders, fueled with anger at finally being able to confront the woman responsible for the suffering of so many of Kirkwall's mages, stood his ground as he replied to her. "I will not stand by and watch you treat all mages like criminals," he spat at Meredith, and then turned his attention toward Orsino, "while those who would lead us bow to their Templar jailers."

Orsino now stepped forward. "How dare you speak to me…"

But Anders cut him off. Justice stirred within him as the moment had finally come. Everything they had sacrificed, every painful thing they had been forced to endure, it was all coming to a head in this moment. "The Circle has failed us Orsino! Even you should be able to see that!" A glimmer of Justice appeared, vengeance showing itself on the surface of Anders' flesh. "The time has come to act. There can be no half measures."

In that moment, Hawke was terrified. She had known Anders was reaching his breaking point. Since he had walked out on Elaine that night at the Hanged Man, he had secluded himself, withdrawn from everyone and everything. He had abandoned his clinic and rumor was he had been spending most of his time assisting the mages escaping the Gallows. She hadn't seen him in over a week - until now. The change in his behavior was... frightening. "Anders, what have you done?"

His back was to her, and what he had to say Anders said to Hawke as much as to himself. "There can be no turning back."

The ground began to shake under their feet. Anders never turned, never looked to find out what was going on, and it was then that Hawke realized he was responsible for whatever was happening. All those who had gathered in the square below the Chantry steps could do nothing but watch in horror as an eerie, red glow consumed the Chantry. A darkness enveloped the sky, as beams of light shot upward into a spiraling black cloud. In an instant, an explosion rocked the entire city from its core; the Chantry destroyed.

Dust, ash, and debris fell from above as they searched the skyline for a building that no longer existed, and an echo of Meredith's statement could be felt by all. "Maker have mercy."

Anders finally turned his gaze toward the stairs that now led to nowhere. Justice withdrew, the deed was done, and Anders closed his eyes and hung his head. "There can be no peace."

* * *

_A few weeks earlier..._

Alistair studied her face as she read the parchment the messenger had left for her a few moments earlier. He wasn't certain what it had meant; it wasn't sealed, he had read it. But as he watched her, it was clear there was a deeper message.

Elaine looked up at him minutes later, face flushed and seemingly distracted. "This was delivered today? Or was it held?"

"The messenger is still down the road if you need me to fetch him," Alistair offered.

Elaine shook her head and sat at her desk. "No, no need," she said, oblivious to Alistair's glare. Her gaze was directed at nothing, but Alistair knew by the scrunch of her brows that her mind was racing. He sat in the opposite chair and waited for an explanation.

Elaine turned her eyes on him and the knot in her stomach grew as she anticipated their pending conversation. He made no sound or gesture as he watched her, and she almost wished he hadn't remained. "Was there something else you needed?" she asked, hoping to get rid of him.

His soft, kind-hearted laugh revealed small lines near his eyes as he grinned at her. "You can't be serious," he began. "There's some code to that message and I'm _dying_ to know what it means."

Elaine sighed. "You're worse than a woman when it comes to gossip."

"I am not!" he protested.

" _Really_ ," Elaine tilted her head. " _Tell me Elaine, what do you think of our traveling companions_ " she mocked one of their first discussions together, when they'd been in the Wilds during the Blight. " _Elaine, Varric told me all about Hawke and Fenris, do you want to hear?_ "

Alistair cut her off. "Okay you win. So I'm _nosy_. You still haven't answered my question."

Elaine giggled. "You didn't ask me anything, you just glared at me."

"That's a question," Alistair tried to convince her. "Fine, I'll ask. What does it _mean_? And why is _he_ writing you?"

She sighed at the questions, although she'd known he would ask them. Considering everything her future held, she was certain this may be the most difficult moment to get through. "I will miss our banter," Elaine said, suddenly very serious. "I will miss _you_."

"Why do I not like the sound of _that_ ," Alistair replied matching her solemn tone. "You obviously were waiting for this message to come," he pieced together. "So now you're what, leaving?"

Elaine smiled at him. "You deduced all that from a three word message?"

"How else should I decipher ' _It is time_.' And from Zevran of all people." Alistair leaned back in his chair. "So what, this is it for good then?"

Elaine shrugged. "Our paths may cross again, you never know. I just can't do this anymore Alistair; you know that. I have been miserable, I've made everyone here miserable. I can't think straight. I need some time. Maybe a lot of time."

"And Zevran will tolerate you more than I have," Alistair said, slightly hurt.

Elaine stood and walked over to him, settling on his lap. She threw her arms around his neck and squeezed him as he embraced her in return. "I'm sure your fiancé will be happy to get you back," Elaine whispered in his ear and then kissed his cheek. "It is time Alistair. Time for both of us. We need to do something with our futures."

She untangled herself from him and started cleaning up her desk. "So, to answer your original question. Yes, I am leaving. Tonight." The words hit her as she said them and she immediately slumped back down into her chair. She watched him, watching her, the familiar presence that had always been a source of comfort, and now the thought of leaving him was tearing her insides apart. Would she ever see him again? Had they tested fate too many times with their friendship? Elaine loved Alistair, more than an ex-lover or a brother Warden. He was as much a part of her as any limb, and she was leaving him behind.

Alistair stood and went to her as the tears leaked from her eyes, and she stood to embrace him once more. The soft movements of his shoulders made her painfully aware that he was crying as well. They shared the comfort of each other for a long time, neither willing to part with the other, as the years of their time together was coming to an end. Elaine didn't bother to worry about her nose running, or how her hysterics might have been embarrassing. Her heart was breaking for the second time as she said goodbye to her best friend.

Alistair was the stronger one, able to pull away first, just enough to look into her eyes. He wiped the tears from her face with the sleeve of his shirt as her lip quivered and her breath wavered. Without thought he leaned into her and pressed his mouth to hers, tasting the salty tears on her lips.

Elaine didn't reject him; she welcomed his tongue into her mouth, soft caring strokes moving together as they once had so long ago. Memories flooded both their minds of a time before; when they had been a couple, when they'd thought they were in love, and had need of each other's affections. Alistair poured his goodbye into that kiss; saying farewell to his first love, his first lover, his first _everything_. Elaine returned his tenderness with her own; parting from the man who was always so gentle with her, so caring and supportive, and who was willing to do anything for her.

He forced himself to break contact, leaving one last soft kiss on her forehead as his hands left her face. "May the Maker watch over you, Elaine," he whispered as the sound of his voice revealed everything he was feeling. "I will _always_ be here for you."

And she watched him go, his exit his last gift to her. He would let her leave; he would deal with the consequences, and face the Wardens when news of her departure became known. He would make it possible for her to attempt to find peace once more.

It was a gift she wouldn't take lightly, and she vowed to do something with the future that he had so graciously helped her to create.

* * *

"I can not believe you managed to pull this together," Elaine said, astonished as she surveyed the holding cave. "I could live here for a month if necessary."

"That was the plan, no?" Zevran had prepared the location at her request, bringing food, clothing, and several containers of water so she would not have to worry. Traps were strategically set in places that he had pointed out to her. Torches lit the cave in a soft glow, and Elaine sighed at the thought of living on the road again.

"Are the other preparations in place?"

Zevran nodded. "Say the word and it is done," he informed her. "Though I do not like knowing you will be out here alone."

Elaine smiled at his worry as she began unpacking the few things she'd brought with her. "I'll be alright," she insisted. "We've lived in worse places than this; I have a roof and everything!"

Zevran couldn't help but laugh at her eternal optimism. "It is refreshing to be near you again, dear Warden," he said, leaning against the wall. "And in much better spirits than the last time I saw you."

Elaine nodded, taking a moment to recall their last visit. It was Zevran that had come to her room the evening Anders had left her at the Hanged Man. He had spent the entire night with her as she cried in his arms, and it was days before he could convince her to do something as simple as bathe. Elaine wasn't aware of the war between Alistair and Zevran during that time; Alistair had demanded he see her and Zevran had kept him away. They may have been friends and had been through the worst together, but Zevran felt the need to protect her dignity as Grey Warden Commander. Alistair knew he could never take Zevran in a fight, but he had tried, and their own friendship remained strained because of it.

Now Zevran took in the sight of his former lover; refreshed, ready, and a light that had been extinguished in her eyes had returned. Elaine caught him staring at her and gave him a curious glance, but he just smiled his mischievous grin at her. "I can stay the night if you wish," he told her.

Elaine shrugged as she sent a flame to the wood that was gathered in the center of the room. The cave was growing cold around them, as darkness settled over the land. "I could never say no to you Zevran," she said making herself comfortable next to the growing fire.

He sat with her as she prepared some food, and the two old friends spent the rest of the night talking and enjoying wine. Elaine listened as Zevran caught her up on the goings on in Kirkwall, and his own struggles of the heart. She could only hope he would someday be happy again, as he had also wished for her during those dark nights not so long ago.

* * *

"Cousin!" Hawke exclaimed embracing the woman in her foyer. "It's so good to see you again," she said pulling back to take a look at Elaine.

Elaine smiled at her as they made their way toward the living room. "You as well Kyra. I'm sorry I couldn't warn you of my arrival, but I am avoiding a certain someone."

Hawke gave her an understanding nod. "I was so upset to hear what happened last time. And then you left before I got a chance to see you." Hawke sat in a large chair facing the fireplace as Elaine took a seat next to her. "I hope time has healed some wounds?"

"Some," Elaine managed a smile as they jumped into the still sensitive topic. "I hear you're better than the last time I was in Kirkwall."

Hawke couldn't help the large grin that spread across her face. "Fenris and I are… perfect," she said with a faraway look in her eye.

Elaine was genuinely happy for her cousin. "That's great news," she responded. "Love is a precious and rare gift; hold on to it with your life, and never let go."

Kyra turned to her cousin, her eyes filled with concern. "If I may Elaine, you look terribly thin. And exhausted. Stay here with me, let me help you if I can."

Elaine appreciated the sentiment. "I'm alright, really. In fact I'm here in an attempt to make things better for myself." She turned her eyes back toward the fire, losing her thoughts in the dancing flames. "I know things have been difficult for the city lately, with the mages and Templars."

The atmosphere shifted with the change in topic, the weight of the subject bringing a thickness to the air. "It's an impossible war," Hawke began shaking her head. "The Knight Commander has gone mad, the First Enchanter is at his wits end, and we're a city without a Viscount. The Chantry remains silent, and they all look to me for a solution I just can't find."

In that moment, Elaine understood her cousin's ordeal. So many decisions had been left to her in her years as a Warden; impossible decisions requiring impossible solutions. She felt such a strong kinship in that moment as she looked toward Hawke. "All you can do is what you feel is right in your heart," Elaine offered the Champion. "It is beyond any of our control what the outcome will be, but if it's a decision you know you'd make again and again, then it's the right one."

Hawke accepted her advice above all others. She'd heard many stories about the Hero of Ferelden and the decisions she'd had to make. "Does it get easier?" Hawke asked.

Elaine laughed and shook her head. "Not so far, but if it does I'll let you know." She smiled warmly and reached out for Hawke's hand in support. "Look at all you've accomplished so far in your life, Kyra. From humble Lothering to the Champion of Kirkwall. Do not doubt yourself."

Hawke squeezed her hand in acceptance, then stood to stir the fire. "I suppose your side would be with the mages?" she asked.

"It has to be," Elaine said. "I have been on the receiving end of Templar brutality. I have witnessed first hand what they are capable of doing to innocent mages. I've been too silent in this brewing war, and there comes a time when you have to take a stand."

Hawke chuckled softly. "You sound like Anders," she commented without thinking. She turned to Elaine. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring him up…"

Elaine waved off the apology. "It's alright. I think I finally understand what he and Justice had been trying to explain to me so many years ago." She stood from her chair. "But I won't burden you or attempt to sway your decision in either direction. It's yours to make without my influence."

Hawke nodded, "Thank you. If only others felt the same."

Elaine grinned, "If only." She moved toward the foyer again as Hawke followed. "I wish I could stay longer but I'm afraid I have one more appointment before I leave the city. I just wanted to see how you were, and offer what little support I could. The next few days are going to be difficult I predict, and I wanted to make sure you were ready."

Hawke's eyes widened at the revelation. "What do you know?" she wondered out loud.

"Nothing I could share that would make a difference at this point," Elaine replied honestly. "But I do have two favors to ask of you, if you will permit me."

Hawke nodded. "If it's within my power, certainly."

Elaine allowed her vulnerability to show for the first time since entering the estate. "Keep him safe for me," she said near tears. "I fear for him, for his life, and it would destroy me to know he is gone."

Hawke rested a hand on her shoulder. "I promise you cousin, no harm will come to him if I can prevent it."

The relief that washed over her face was obvious, and Elaine let out a long breath. "Thank you. I know you won't let me down." Hawke nodded. "My second favor is simple. Anders can not know I was here."

"You won't even try to see him before you leave?" Hawke asked, unsure if she'd have the same strength if the situation was reversed.

"He isn't ready to see me right now," Elaine admitted. "Maybe another time." She embraced her cousin a little firmer than before, fear lingering inside that this may be the last time she would ever see her. "May the Maker protect and watch over you," she said as she pulled away. "He may just make the hard decisions for you."

"I hope so," Hawke said laughing as she opened the door for Elaine. "Be well, cousin. I hope to see you again."

"Me too," Elaine said honestly as she exited the estate.

Zevran came out from the shadows as the door closed and Elaine scolded him for lurking. "You could've come inside with me Zevran, spoken to her as well."

He shook his head. "Another time," he said as he began walking through the sunlit streets. "Let us get you out of here before someone sees you. I have made arrangements for your last appointment outside of the city."

"Thank you again for doing this Zevran. I can't imagine this was an easy task."

"No," Zevran admitted. "But I do love a challenge."

* * *

Elaine was never as nervous as she was at that moment. All of her planning with Zevran months ago had come down to this meeting. If it went wrong, if it couldn't be prevented, the future she had been working toward would crumble around her. She bit her nails as she began to pace, waiting for the familiar footsteps to come into the clearing.

Moments later she stopped moving when she heard the sound of Zevran approaching, and her heart raced as she knew he was not alone. Elaine saw her first, her expression warm and inviting as the first day they'd met, and her eyes stung from the tears that threatened to fall at the sight of her old friend.

"Elaine? It is you! I can hardly believe it!" The redhead embraced Elaine with the strength of a hundred men, nearly knocking her over in her excitement.

Elaine wrapped her arms around her friend in return, smiling into the familiar scent of her hair. "Leliana," she whispered her name in her ear. "Oh how I've missed you."

Leliana pulled away just enough to see Elaine's face, and her eyes glistened with tears of her own. "Zevran refused to tell me it was you, but I had hoped." She hugged her former companion again and squeezed, and Elaine thought a rib would certainly crack at any moment.

"I will leave you two alone," Zevran said, interrupting them and getting down to business. "You have limited time before we must leave."

Leliana and Elaine giggled as they were scolded, just like old times. "I can not believe you are really here," Leliana repeated again. "Years it has been."

Elaine sighed, rubbing her eyes free of the unshed tears. She sat on a log and gestured for Leliana to do the same. "Zevran's right, we don't have a lot of time. I hate to jump right into business but there is an urgent matter I must discuss with you."

Leliana sat next to Elaine and patted her knee. "I am all ears Elaine, you know this."

Elaine felt her nerves return as she began to speak. "I know why you're here in Kirkwall, and I have information that is important to your mission." When Leliana tried to speak, Elaine hushed her gently. "Please, let me just get it all out before you say anything."

When Leliana conceded and remained silent, Elaine laid it all out for her. "I am aware that the Divine is contemplating an Exalted March on Kirkwall to end the threat of the mage-Templar war in Kirkwall. I am also aware you approached the Champion, asking for her to secure the safety of Grand Cleric Elthina. I am willing to offer you information, in exchange for your recommendation to the Divine that she stay her hand and allow the war to run its course."

Leliana listened intently to Elaine's plea without interrupting, and allowed a moment of silence before she responded. "You give me too much credit when it comes to the Divine. If Justinia sees that intervention is necessary, she will do it whether I agree or not."

Elaine protested further. "I remember you telling me of your relationship with Justinia. How she assisted in your escape after Marjolaine had framed you. I think you're more influential than you realize."

Leliana thought on her words. "I may be able to convince the Divine of a delay, depending on how far things escalate. But I am uncertain if I can convince her to stay her hand entirely."

"Trust in the Champion," Elaine offered. "Let her see to this pending war. I believe she will see it through to its conclusion without need of the Divine's intervention."

Leliana wasn't fooled by her words. "You have more at stake in this than you're letting on."

Elaine grinned. "You know me too well," she admitted softly. "As a friend speaking to a friend, of course I do. I'm a mage, in case you forgot," she laughed. "I have a vested interest in seeing where this leads. As a Warden, you know I can not directly interfere, and for this battle I will be watching from the sidelines with the rest of Thedas. But should it turn into something bigger, my side is clear and I will remove myself from the Wardens to stand with the mages."

Leliana shook her head at the words, fearing for the future of her friend as well as the land they lived. "I once thought we'd never get involved in politics as we battled darkspawn together," she said reminiscing. "Now it seems you and I are at the very center of it."

"Not yet," Elaine offered, "but perhaps soon. Please Lel, I swear to the Maker I will never ask for a favor such as this again."

Leliana thought for a few minutes, replaying the conversation in her head. "I still think there is something more at stake for you than you are letting on, but tell me what you can and I will see what I can do."

Elaine stood and looked over the cliff at the water below, and then at Kirkwall in the distance. The towering construction of the Chantry could be seen even here on the coast, and Elaine closed her eyes, gathering her strength. It was no easy task, betraying Anders, even if for the first and only time. "You were right to suspect Elthina is in danger," she informed Leliana. "The Champion tried to convince her to leave, but she won't." Elaine opened her eyes and looked back at her friend. "You must get Elthina out of the Chantry, and soon. Hide her, protect her, never let it be known she is alive."

Leliana stood and walked toward her friend. "What do you know?" she asked again, wanting more details.

Elaine shook her head. "I can only tell you that she will die if you do not get her out of the Chantry tonight. Zevran is willing to help you, but it must be done this evening. Tomorrow the battle within the city begins, and she will be its first victim."

"You are certain of this?" Leliana asked for confirmation.

"Yes," Elaine stood firm. "I offer you Elthina's life in exchange for those in Kirkwall. Prevent the Divine from moving her forces to Kirkwall, or Maker help me I shall find and kill Elthina myself."

Leliana gasped at her statement, taking a step back. "Elaine, you can't be serious threatening the Grand Cleric to me."

Elaine's expression softened as she moved closer to Leliana. "I warn you as a friend; the decision is yours. But the Chantry will fall tomorrow. Mages and Templars _will_ start a war within Kirkwall. Even if you wished to prevent it, you're too late. Take this offering and return to the Divine," Elaine said defiantly. "And you may warn her this is just the beginning."

* * *

"Why?" Orsino begged of him for any explanation. "Why would you do such a thing?"

Anders informed him with a sentiment he had once shared with another. "I removed the chance of compromise, because there is no compromise." The weight of his actions began to take hold of him, but he remained strong in the faces of those responsible. "The Circle is an injustice, in many places beyond Kirkwall. The world needs to see."

Orsino shook his head. "You fool," he whispered solemnly. "You've doomed us all."

Anders took a moment to try and plead his case. "We were already doomed. A quick death now or a slow one later… I'd rather die fighting." He made his way to a nearby bench, his legs threatening to fail him. Anders didn't hear the words Meredith spoke afterward, or what Orsino had to say in response, or even the ranting of Sebastian beside Hawke. He found himself longing for Elaine in that moment, knowing death was about to come, and he wanted his final thoughts to be of her.

He heard Hawke approach behind him, regretting that she would be the one to kill him, but knew it was something they all had demanded of her. Anders needed for her to understand before he died; had to convince her to at least try to see things his way. "There's nothing you can say that I haven't already said to myself. I took a spirit into my soul and changed myself forever to achieve this," he repeated the words he had spoken to Elaine the last time he saw her. "This is the justice all mages have awaited."

He felt Hawke shift behind him. "I might have understood, if you'd only told me."

"I wanted to tell you," Anders admitted. "But what if you stopped me? Or worse, what if you wanted to help me? I couldn't let you do that. The world needs to see this. Then we can all stop pretending the Circle is a solution." He closed his eyes and pictured his Elaine, the softness of her smile, the love in her eyes. "And if I pay for that with my life," he repeated to Hawke as he had told Elaine, "…then I pay."

He felt the familiar twinge of taint as if Elaine were near, but Anders knew he was just being delusional in his final moments. He wanted her so badly to be beside him; to feel her arms around him and hear her assurances that everything would be okay. And as he heard Hawke move closer toward him, he wanted to make it easier for her. "For what it's worth, I'm glad it's you Hawke. It was nice to be happy… for a little while."

Hawke leaned down toward his back, and he held his breath as he waited for her blade to slice into him. But instead of pain and then a welcomed darkness, he felt her breath brush his ear. "Run from here," Hawke whispered.

He wasn't sure he heard her correctly. "You're letting me go?"

Hawke placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm fulfilling a promise I made to my cousin, to keep you safe," she informed him. "Now go before someone else takes this option from you."

Anders didn't know what to say. He hadn't expected to be spared. No thought or plan was made for this unexpected outcome. And it had come because of Elaine. "When did you speak to her?" he asked out of curiosity, daring to hope it was recently. "What did she say?"

"Before she left," Hawke lied. "She came to me and warned me that you may be in danger and asked me to protect you."

Anders sighed as his mind began to process Elaine and Hawke's final gift to him. "Thank you for my life," he said to Hawke as he stood. "I'll try not to make such a mess of it this time."

* * *

There was no time for goodbyes as fighting began within the streets of Kirkwall between the Templars and the mages. Anders fought the urge to assist his fellow mages one last time, refusing to lose the future Hawke and Elaine had given him. This was a battle for Kirkwall to handle, but the war was just beginning. Now that he had his freedom, he knew he would be able to help mages even more throughout Thedas and not just in Kirkwall. Change was coming because of his actions, and now that he had his life, he desperately wanted to continue to be a part of that change.

The surrounding chaos of the fighting provided a perfect distraction for Anders' escape. He made his way out of the city with a crowd of fleeing townsfolk who had no stake in the fighting either way. The last group barely made it out mere seconds before the gates were shut behind them, sealing the conflict within to resolve itself.

The shock of it all could be felt in the people surrounding him. Anders heard a few of them crying, others confused and not understanding what was happening. They had simply followed their instinct to flee, and now wandered outside the gates with no real plan.

Anders felt himself wondering the same thing, until he felt a hand on his arm. He spun around, prepared to fight, until her soft eyes were upon him. For a moment he thought he was dreaming, the chaos of the day playing tricks on his mind. But that familiar feeling of their shared taint continued to stir within him, and he dared to bring a hand to her face.

Elaine smiled at him, leaning into the softness of his touch as she shut her eyes. She brought her own hand to his and held it against her, afraid he may pull away. As the seconds passed and she released the breath she'd held, Elaine suddenly felt his lips upon hers. He brought his other hand to her face, holding her there as if she'd run, and claimed her with the heated passion of his kiss. She brought her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, devouring him as he did her, with a need she could never understand. Elaine didn't even realize that he had lifted her off the ground, holding her by the waist, almost crushing her.

When he did finally set her down and released her, pulling his mouth away from hers, Elaine opened her eyes and smiled at him. Anders soaked it all in - the way the sun lit her face and the light that had returned to her eyes since the last time he had seen her. "What are you doing here?" he finally managed to ask after moments of being lost in her presence.

Elaine took his hand and laced her fingers through his, escorting him away from the crowd. "Rescuing you," she said teasingly as they made their way toward the coast. "I'm almost willing to bet you have no plan right now, do you?"

Anders laughed at her, at the situation, the way she still knew him far better than he knew himself. "Not really," he admitted. "I half expected to be crow food by now."

Elaine squeezed his hand gently. "Like I'd let that happen," she said seriously. "I've set up a temporary hideout in one of the caves along the coast," she explained. "There's food, clothing, decent shelter for a few days until we figure out where to go from here."

Anders stopped walking and pulled her into him. "Elaine, I can not allow you to remain with me. You'll be hunted, as I will be. This is why I sent you away in the first place." He didn't want to send her away again, didn't have the strength to do so, but panic began to take hold at the thought of losing her.

Elaine continued to smile at him as the lines of worry formed on his face. "I've left the Wardens," she informed him. "My place is here, with you." Anders stepped back, not believing the words he was hearing. Elaine placed her hands on his chest and looked up at him. "How can you fight for our freedom alone? _Our_ freedom is our future, together, and there's nowhere else I'd rather be."

She rested her head on his chest as she let the words sink in. Anders tangled one hand within her long hair as the other moved up and down her back. He dared to imagine there was truth in her words, a possible future that they could face together. "You're really with me, love?" he questioned in an apprehensive whisper.

Elaine tilted her head up and brushed her lips against his. "I am with you. Forever. Though that hardly seems long enough, it'll do for now."

Anders could control himself no longer, and claimed her once more, his mouth fierce upon hers. Forever _wasn't_ long enough, he agreed, but there was no better start to their future than today.

 _Their_ future. He liked the sound of that.

* * *


End file.
